What category does my OCD even go under?

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portiaxo

New member
Joined
Apr 13, 2019
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1
Location
Atlanta, Georgia
my OCD is very complex. it doesn’t seem to fall under any category. it was simple at first, i obsessed over things being messy or not put away... but then it transcended into something very strange & almost unexplainable. as hard as it’s going to be to explain my thoughts without writing a whole novel im going to try my best. my OCD assigns disturbing meanings to random objects or normal events. for the past two years I’ve obsessed over an apartment my father used to live in & that i would go over to occasionally. nothing happened in the apartment that was disturbing but i began becoming more and more disturbed by the most normal things. my OCD literally assigned a disturbing feeling to the carpet that was in his apartment. just a normal carpet. knowing that i stepped on that carpet makes me depressed. i know that there’s nothing disturbing about a stupid carpet! but my OCD has made me depressed even suicidal over the most mundane things because i feel as if they contaminated me in some way and now i am worthless. the worst part is that even though i know the thoughts are ridiculous... they bother me everyday. what category is this?? I’ve tried searching “OCD that makes random things disturbing” but no one seems to have the same experience :( it’s gotten really bad! so bad that my OCD is starting to assign disturbing meanings to almost everything i do!! and the ritual is analyzing, and analyzing, and analyzing the situation to make it feel okay but it doesn’t last long because that feeling of me not being “right” or me being contaminated comes pouring back in. help? (this isn’t the in depth version of my OCD there is so much more but i tried my best to sum it up)
 
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Haloblique

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Joined
Apr 29, 2019
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4
Location
Portland, Oregon
Hi portiaxo! It does sound like a form of intrusive thoughts combined with a repulsion to dirt--except instead of "thoughts" its "feelings," and instead of outright dirt it's whatever your mind assigned those feelings of badness ("dirtiness") to. I'm sorry you are finding it hard to find anyone who relates or anything that exactly describes what you are going through--I know how frustrating that can be. But OCD can manifest in very different ways with people. I suspect treating your symptoms with the same methods for treating intrusive thoughts (that they do not mean anything and will float by if you don't assign significance to them) and for treating a dirt phobia (maybe some exposure therapy will help? Forcing yourself to touch the disturbing thing, and then observing what happens?) could help. All the best!
 
djuliadesnoyers

djuliadesnoyers

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Joined
Apr 29, 2019
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1
Location
Canada
I completely understand what you're going through, and know that I have experienced the very same things. There were certain books on my bookshelf that I wouldn't allow myself to touch, certain objects that I didn't like going near and even certain songs that disturbed me in ways that I can't even begin to describe. Just remember that there are billions of different types of OCD that people experience, and each type is specially designed to disturb you as much as possible. You're not crazy, you simply have a mental illness.

All the best my friend,

Julia
 
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