What can I do or go to feel safe?

Sorry state

Sorry state

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#1
Hi, I am getting help from crisis team and on meds from GP but struggling from one minute to the next. Severe depression with bouts of horrible anxiety. At times feel I am losing my mind and losing control. Suicidal thoughts have been a constant since childhood but have never felt so close or so real. I'm scaring myself. Last night Samaritans didn't answer for over five minutes. I was shaking and sobbing, my whole body was screaming. I wrote goodbye and sorry notes to my children, my wife and my parents. I feel like I need sedating and locking in a room. SS
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

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#2
I'm so sorry samaritans didnt answer for over 5 minutes, does the doctor and crisis team know how bad things are for you now? :hug:

Can your family stay with you to make sure you are safe? :hug:
 
Sorry state

Sorry state

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#3
Thanks for your message.
Doctor knows how bad things are (which is why he referred me to the crisis team). The crisis team are mainly just keeping an eye on me at the moment and assessing me to come up with a care plan (this is all new to me as I've never sought help before). They do talk to me when they visit (about an hour or so). They have increased my dosage. I think I have a slight issue in that when I'm talking with them I am very measured and rational (and completely honest). When I'm on my own I'm often pacing the house like a caged animal and sometimes in a howling heap on the floor. I work from home on my own which is not helpful.
My family are spread around the world. The eldest of my children is 12 and my wife and I are being civil and get along but have agreed to not bother eachother with issues at the moment. SS
 
Sorry state

Sorry state

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#4
Sorry, should explain. On top of everything that's going on (I ran out of energy about a year ago after pretending for the last 30 years that everything was fine. I've been unraveling since) my wife of 20 years has come out to me as gay. So I'm dealing with my problems and trying to take this news in. My wife is obviously having to deal with her situation. Hence why we agreed we can't really support eachother at the moment.
 
F

Fallingfromthetop

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#6
When it feels worst can't you try activate, go out for walk or try keep mind occupied a bit?

Anyway your situation seems crazy to me. Try to collect yourself and work through it, I'm sure there is a good lighted path at the end of this dark tunnel you are in, just gotta get through it.
 
Sorry state

Sorry state

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#7
Thanks midnight and falling.
The mh are not being too bad. It's really useful knowing they are there but this is my first time dealing with them so we'll wait and see. I'm pretty much relying on them to get me through.
Yes, crazy just about covers it. When I'm low I can go for a quick run or walk the dog and that helps. When I'm really low I can't think or make decisions and the thought of leaving the house terrifies me.
Thanks again.
 
megirl

megirl

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#8
I'm in nz and the service in my area is quite good, probably better than that.
Sounds to me you really need that support, the thing is keep telling them how it actually is, you may feel ok at the moment you talk to them maybe not. Make sure they really see the hard part that way they can help you the most
 
Sorry state

Sorry state

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#9
Thank you. They are going to call me today and visit again on Monday. Their tactic at the moment seems to be to steer me away from negative talk and talk of suicide. I'm trying to stick with them as I think they're my only life line for helping me to bring some kind of change.
 
Sorry state

Sorry state

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#10
Thanks megirl,
Does anyone know if there's some place/method where I can be safe from myself - can I go to a&e - how do they deal with people looking for MH help. The evening is drawing in and it can be my worst time - I'm getting stressed already just thinking about it. Thanks. SS
 
write

write

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#11
I'm sorry you're struggling. You can present at A & E, they will see you, triage and you may see duty psych or more often the crisis team. Although if you're already seeing the CT and they think you need to be seen or admitted they should liaise with hospital to sort out what needs to happen. Presume the CT know how you feel now, what you've said here about needing to be somewhere safe? Is difficult to find beds but you can ask for what you think you need to be safe and see what they suggest. Good luck x
 
Sorry state

Sorry state

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#12
Seemed okay yesterday. Came down with a bang today. I just can't imagine any kind of future that's not pointless and miserable. I've spent so many years feeling like this I don't believe the future is going to be any better. In fact I think it's going to be much worse because I now have no money, no friends, no social life, no life outside my family and that's about to fall apart. I'm still under the crisis team so they're checking up on me but I'm not getting any treatment or therapy as yet. I was holding out hope that CBT or therapy of some kind would turn everything around but doubting that now. I just want to be okay. I want to be someone else.
Anyone have experience of successful therapy?
 
Hopeful313

Hopeful313

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#13
Hi @Sorry state

I am very sorry for the amount of pain and struggle you’re going through. Hang in there and nothing is impossible.

I’ve experienced that feeling of needing to be watched and monitored for my safety. Very good that you are looking out for yourself. Sounds like you are having intrusive thoughts about the worst scenario that could happen. Think positive have hope.

I’ve been in therapy on and off since 2004. It does help so much and works as a recharge every now and then.

Recently, I needed to on medication and it has proven to be the best combination for me at this point in life.

I hope you feel better soon and things work out well for you and your family.
 
tiltawhirl

tiltawhirl

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#15
I have presented myself to the hospital emergency room (USA) same as A&E more than once when I knew I was getting into too dangerous thinking. It was by far the best thing I could do. I am not a fan of hospitals at all but it is the safe and sane thing to do when the mind starts trying to destroy us. And now, after trials and error, I am finally on meds that work and I haven't had those thoughts in years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
Sorry state

Sorry state

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#17
Felt really bad this morning. Must have walked about ten miles without leaving the house. Just pacing around achieving nothing, not able to settle on anything or make a decision.
Luckily I had a fairly positive meeting with the acute MH team today. They gave me hope that there is more than one way out of these dark woods.
 
Sorry state

Sorry state

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#19
Thanks midnight. I needed that. This forum and all the lovely people who use it are life savers. Literally.
After feeling fairly hopeful (not a feeling I'm familiar with) I've just had a long, Frank and emotional conversation with my wife. Now feeling stressed and trying to stay away from that slippery slope. Chamomile tea, rescue remedy and Kalms tablets as a night cap I think.:low:
 
Sorry state

Sorry state

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#20
Unfortunately I woke up this morning. Would be so much easier if I hadn't. I don't know how things are going to change for the better.
I have a work meeting at 10 - don't know how I'm going to get through it. I can't even get myself out of bed.
Why do we cling on to life? Why do people keep going? What stops people taking their own lives even when their life might be awful?
 

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