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What can I do next? Guidance needed

A

Abrilliantmind

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 17, 2021
Messages
77
Location
London
In this post I will specifically talk about my social anxiety with women.

My anxiety with women has been so bad that I even intoxicated from alcohol, I would still feel such severe anxiety and would fear rejection.

My anxiety caused me to miss out on dating on a stunning mixed race girl at College when I was 17.

I also missed out on various dating opportunities when I was 19, at University.

I'm now 22, and after almost 3 years of non stop working managing my anxiety with women I have destroyed all of what I label anxiety.

Now, around September. I went to a club, I danced with a beautiful English girl with brown hair and a pretty fave. And even kissed her. Just to be clear, I still own my V card at 22. Just giving you information, not important.

And my confidence has grown. But my anxiety is still fucking there!

What can I do next?

What I have done:

- Positive affirmations
- Cognitive Behaviour Therapy Worksheets (CBT)
- Spoken to two therapists
- Everytime I go out, I aim to social with people.
- I actively try to say good morning/afternoon, hello or even just nod politely to have them acknowledge that I have notice them.
- I have done various other therapeutic exercises like journalling.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated👍

Oh, and over the past three years I have been on the NOFAP journey which is helping.
 
K

Kmitra

Member
Joined
Apr 28, 2020
Messages
8
Location
UK
I can see your obsession to and about girls...! Girls and GFs are needed, but you've become depended on something, which I couldn't figure out. Attraction towards 'stunning' and 'beautiful looking' girls is quite natural and normal, but for a healthy relationship that's never a must. And life is about building and maintaining beautiful relationships, and not running after looks. Try mixing with girls as a human being, and not considering them as 'objects'.
...And that alcoholism will make your anxiety issue worse.
Try diverting your attention towards anything constructive. That'll give new perspectives towards life.
Good luck... 🙂
 
jajingna

jajingna

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 31, 2020
Messages
7,183
Location
Canada
Sounds like you're doing your best and getting more confident. I dunno, anxiety is a tricky thing. Hopefully you'll meet someone great and then it won't matter as much. It may not be realistic to expect to conquer anxiety entirely, but just to have it gradually decrease till it is not so much of a problem anymore sounds like something you can aim for. Takes time.
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 13, 2016
Messages
2,422
I think relationships work best when each party brings something to the table. I'm not really talking about money here, although being able to offer stability, security etc. should be a given, but many are still able to achieve that even under very difficult circumstances. I think you could do far less than think about what it is you have to offer someone and play to your strengths. Hope this helps. :)
 
C

clinicalenthusiast

New member
Joined
Nov 23, 2021
Messages
3
Location
California
I think it's normal to have some levels of anxiety, especially if you feel that you do not have as much dating experience as you'd like. I wonder if doing role-plays w/ a friend or therapist to practice what to say to a girl you're interested in will help reduce anxiety when you actually talk to a girl. Kind of like exposure therapy to desensitize yourself and get used to speaking to girls w/o feeling too anxious. Good luck! One step at a time!
 
K

Keyboard Worrier

Active member
Joined
Mar 31, 2021
Messages
30
Location
Ireland
Some good advice that I have gotten is simply to ask questions and listen. Most people are experts on their own life, so if you ask them questions about themselves they will talk freely. Also, if you concentrate on what they are saying and allow your natural curiosity to kick in, you will take the focus off yourself and your anxiety and feel more comfortable. Starting the conversation is the hardest part, but one question could lead to another and before you know it you are chatting freely.

Hope this helps!
 
A

Abrilliantmind

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 17, 2021
Messages
77
Location
London
Some good advice that I have gotten is simply to ask questions and listen. Most people are experts on their own life, so if you ask them questions about themselves they will talk freely. Also, if you concentrate on what they are saying and allow your natural curiosity to kick in, you will take the focus off yourself and your anxiety and feel more comfortable. Starting the conversation is the hardest part, but one question could lead to another and before you know it you are chatting freely.

Hope this helps!
Thanks for your input👍
 
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