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What BPD personality trait troubles you the most?

M

MYTIMEHASCOME

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 12, 2011
Messages
547
I think for me the worst ones are chronic suicidality and feeling empty. In some way I can deal with the rest but I don't even know how to start with these
hello 🙃 this really resonated with me! I am with you on this, do you drink and gamble and eat etc to try and fill the gap? I think we feel empty because for me I have no sense of self like I don’t know what I want to be I can’t make decisions and then I think what if I make a decision and it’s the wrong one and I’ve wasted time, I also feel like life’s pointless so I like to be nice to people and help people and talk to them and then I think why bother when I could just as easily be bad and break the law etc and it wouldn’t matter in The next 1-70 years I’ll be dead and in 150 years there will he no one aware of any of the choices I made or remember me at all but then I always revert to helping people instinctively and it does my head in because it’s like arguing with yourself about being good / bad and then suicide seems like a great idea!

have you heard of Camus? And his myth of sisyphus? Google it, the myth was about Sisyphus who was supposedly a King in Ancient Greece Who use to kill people who visited his court this angered the gods and so they sent death to kill him Sisyphus essentially tricked death and managed to chain him up so nobody was dying and people were suffering and also nobody was dying from war which angered ares who released death anyway eventually as punishment Zeus made Sisyphus push a huge boulder up a hill everyday the thing was when the boulder was almost at the top it would roll down again and Sisyphus would have to start again so essentially his life was to endlessly push a bolder up a hill to have it roll back down again which let’s be honest is a meaningless existence but the point is we’re all like Sisyphus we’re all pushing boulders to the top of hill In life only to have them roll back down again... or something like that x
 
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