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What BPD personality trait troubles you the most?

A

Allow4Grey

Member
Joined
May 23, 2020
Messages
11
Location
Northeast
Crippling over sensitivity. Sometimes I feel so fragile and everyone around me is so thick skinned. Feels so unfair and such cross to bear. One look or comment can send into a negative tail-spin. I really don't show this as I have developed a mask but my God it's created a private hell at times. I Use DBT tools that help but sometimes I'm just so tired from having to cope - I don't have infinite energy and sometimes people can really push my buttons. I can also be my own worst enemy by hating myself with such passion. I recently learned this was viewing myself, others, and life through a BPD lens. I found this to be most insightful. I now try to catch myself, when having BPD/traits thoughts and remind myself of how useful listening to my negativity is and, remind myself that my 'lens' can be adjusted! I have a choice! It's work in progress - such as living life - but little 'tools' such as viewing my thinking (old bpd pattern of thinking) helps me to readjust, reset, and try.
 
Volbe

Volbe

Active member
Joined
May 27, 2020
Messages
37
Location
Spain
For me it's the fear I get when it comes to important relationships. I'm able to act normally with everyone, and I'm the type of person that people really seem to appreciate, but when there's someone who I feel really attached to I will end up acting in a very bad way.

I feel specially into them so I worry a lot and give them all the care and love they deserve, which I'm proud about even though I know this is also exacerbated by BPD; but I also feel extremely attentive all the time and it's like every little sign I pick up is a sign that they aren't interested in me anymore and they hate me. It doesn't make no sense, and living in this warped reality really messes me up because after I make all the damage I am able to realize that they didn't do anything wrong and that I was just overreacting...

If I had to describe how this symptom feels... It's like being overprotective, but in an extremely bad way? Because not only you are overprotective about them, you are also that way about yourself and you end up having issues with the people who you care for the most at the time. In my case this is doubly bad as my FP is extremely introverted and frequently needs to take time away from everyone, even the people he loves, which has been hard for me to understand because my way of seeing things is "no matter how tired/hurt I am, I will always have time and attention for the people I love the most" and this doesn't mean either of us is right or wrong, but BPD makes accepting these conflicting realities a little harder too.
 
N

Nukelavee

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 17, 2019
Messages
1,614
Location
London, ON
; but I also feel extremely attentive all the time and it's like every little sign I pick up is a sign that they aren't interested in me anymore and they hate me.
Look up "hyper vigilance". Basically, it's being super sensitive to others moods, body language, and words because we are trying to catch warning signs. Down side is, sometimes we are too ready to see something as a threat to our happiness, we convince ourselves something minor means something major.
 
frisas45

frisas45

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 22, 2019
Messages
774
Location
South Korea
I guess the fear of abandonment because I'm always afraid that people will dislike me and leave me. I'm very sensitive, too.
I had a fear of abandonment also... My father groomed me to be a people-pleaser. We were immigrants and we had to do this to survive. He berated me for making people unhappy, even if that was the person's fault. He scared me with statements of being rejected by society and being a failure.

But as for now, I don't give a damn. If these ruthless diddlyshits don't need me around, so be it. I don't need to waste my time around them.

I just don't care about abandonment anymore. My current fear is about whether I would survive.
 
frisas45

frisas45

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 22, 2019
Messages
774
Location
South Korea
Mostly teh anger, at this point. The rest I can cope with, but teh anger still flares up at pretty minor stuff.
Same shit here. If someone gets rude. For instance, I explode even a slightest of rude comment from someone.
 
frisas45

frisas45

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 22, 2019
Messages
774
Location
South Korea
For me it's the fear I get when it comes to important relationships. I'm able to act normally with everyone, and I'm the type of person that people really seem to appreciate, but when there's someone who I feel really attached to I will end up acting in a very bad way.

I feel specially into them so I worry a lot and give them all the care and love they deserve, which I'm proud about even though I know this is also exacerbated by BPD; but I also feel extremely attentive all the time and it's like every little sign I pick up is a sign that they aren't interested in me anymore and they hate me. It doesn't make no sense, and living in this warped reality really messes me up because after I make all the damage I am able to realize that they didn't do anything wrong and that I was just overreacting...

If I had to describe how this symptom feels... It's like being overprotective, but in an extremely bad way? Because not only you are overprotective about them, you are also that way about yourself and you end up having issues with the people who you care for the most at the time. In my case this is doubly bad as my FP is extremely introverted and frequently needs to take time away from everyone, even the people he loves, which has been hard for me to understand because my way of seeing things is "no matter how tired/hurt I am, I will always have time and attention for the people I love the most" and this doesn't mean either of us is right or wrong, but BPD makes accepting these conflicting realities a little harder too.
I worry about someone way too much that folks get annoyed. I feel ya...
 
Volbe

Volbe

Active member
Joined
May 27, 2020
Messages
37
Location
Spain
I worry about someone way too much that folks get annoyed. I feel ya...
(Cute picture of Ai! I really like Love Live.)

The problem with this to me is that I know it isn't healthy, so I really want it to go away, or to calm down at the very least. :sorry:
 
frisas45

frisas45

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 22, 2019
Messages
774
Location
South Korea
(Cute picture of Ai! I really like Love Live.)

The problem with this to me is that I know it isn't healthy, so I really want it to go away, or to calm down at the very least. :sorry:
Thank you friend! You really know Ai!

Here are some good stuff on calming down:

 
am31901

am31901

Active member
Joined
May 18, 2020
Messages
29
Location
Illinois
if I had to pick one, it would probably be how easy it is for me to start freaking out and thinking someone is going to "leave" when they're even just slightly less present than they normally are; I personalize a lot of things I shouldn't and it's something I have to work on every day! I'm better than I used to be but it still gets really really difficult to deal with.
 
T

TH21

Member
Joined
Jun 5, 2020
Messages
6
Location
Charleston, SC
I think for me self destructive behaviour- especially when things are going well I'll just ruin it for myself because I don't deserve happiness. My mood swings are also particularly brutal I swing from anger that leaves me trembling and almost impossible to contain to suicidal depression in the course of a day. I stay out of relationships because I am unable to make healthy attachments, have trust issues and cant modulate my own extreme emotions.
This would be what troubles me most as well. Whether it's a SO, close friend, and/or family I seem to push everyone who is closest to me out of my life. My inconsistent moods and behavior play a big role. I'm currently looking into DBT to help with this. I wish it were easier to mend those relationships that have been ruined, but I also understand it can be extremely frustrating dealing with someone who has BPD.
 
B

BPDandStruggling

Member
Joined
Jun 14, 2020
Messages
13
Location
California
It's that even the slightest negative look or comment from someone close to me can make me feel absolutely worthless, so worthless no one could possibly care about or love me. That I don't deserve to be cared about because I'm a useless human being, that I don't deserve to take up space on this earth, and I quickly spiral downward into suicidal thoughts.

Another thing is intense self loathing about how clingy and attention seeking I am. How much I crave attention and validation. I practically beg for it, then when I get it, I feel like I don't deserve it. Ugh!
 
SicklyBloom

SicklyBloom

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 20, 2020
Messages
80
Location
USA
For me, it has got to be splitting. It's difficult especially when it comes to knowing who I am or making decisions because it tends to change based on my mood. My mind has a tendency to play games with me and convince me that I'm the worst person alive today. It can be a bit of stretch and I have to constantly fight those assumptions with logic, so who I am can be blurry at times. My mother has even had to ground me and remind me that I'm human. I haven't really found a way to truly cope with this but lately simply just reminding myself that if it sounds ridiculous then it's false.
 
I

I_Was_Punished

Active member
Joined
Dec 8, 2019
Messages
31
Location
UK
i think for me in the past few years i'd say the anger. Before that i might have said the fear of abandonment or the emptiness, and those things do still bother me a lot, but in the past few years the anger has been the worst. I feel it so intensely and anger seems to be the only emotion i actually feel strongly now. I don't feel happy, sad etc anything like how i feel anger, it becomes unbearable sometimes.
 
D

Dweani

Member
Joined
Jun 10, 2020
Messages
6
Location
Finland
I think for me the worst ones are chronic suicidality and feeling empty. In some way I can deal with the rest but I don't even know how to start with these
 
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