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What are your triggers when it comes to intimate relationship?

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Faye80

Member
Joined
Jun 20, 2020
Messages
14
Location
Amsterdam
Hi everyone,

I realise I have never created a personal list with things I am sensitive for. I wonder what your triggers are and perhaps we can help each other out to recognise by becoming aware of those. And how to avoid them to upsetting us?

I mostly get triggered by:

Note: I also figured that these differ. I am starting to honour those instead of fighting them.



1. If a partner walks out when there is a small argument or if I even show disappointment. If the person walks out, it triggers emotions of devaluation of my emotions, and lack of respect. When not telling me that the person will be back in x time. If the person would state that they would come back in x,y,z time I would feel better.

2. When someone asks me about my psychological background or diagnosis, but when I ask and they derive or are ambivalent about it, it shows that they have no trust. But I also trust them less. Especially if they were fishing about mine.


3. Anything I want to discuss in a calm manner but the other person does not want to nor gives me a sense of safety that it is alright or just frankly speaks openly in a respectful manner.

4. Anyone who does not follow up their plans (long/short). In like five minutes or less than a day without any urgent life happenings.

5. Someone who is stingy (that is because at home my parents fought a lot about money).

6. Anyone who does not act in a way that I feel calm and I can trust the person.

7. If I still have not met his parents in six months.

8. He does not want kids. Although I am getting more fine with this.

I will think of more.
 
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Nukelavee

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Dec 17, 2019
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London, ON
Saying something offensive or hurtful, and expecting there won't be something said back.

Lying.
 
LittleMissNameless

LittleMissNameless

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Mar 2, 2019
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295
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canada
Any form of vulnerability shuts me right down. If he's vulnerable it ok but if he wants me to be vulnerable I throw the whole relationship out.
 
wraziel

wraziel

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Feb 12, 2020
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Chile
Relationship itself. I can't, so contradictory.... I don't know.... Another thing...if a girl likes me for my impulsivity, I've found so offensive for me.
 
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NorthernBC

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Jun 25, 2020
Messages
11
1. Not following through on a promise/ statement. "Oh I will do it tomorrow " "o promise you I will do it...etc and not getting done.
2. Telling me to calm down or saying just stop.
3. Not texting back right away... especially when you know the phone is attached to their hip.
 
G

Geegirl124

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Jun 28, 2020
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Royston
Your list is exactly my list. They seem such minor things to other people but they cause me to spiral
 
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Faye80

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Joined
Jun 20, 2020
Messages
14
Location
Amsterdam
Your list is exactly my list. They seem such minor things to other people but they cause me to spiral
Really Geegirl124? Wow, we are not alone! I am learning to honour these things I feel as no one tell that are stupid. These are my feelings. But the big thing is in how to communucate in a calm manner without any arguments or where it might lead to it. The more vulnerable the subject the more risk.
 
F

Faye80

Member
Joined
Jun 20, 2020
Messages
14
Location
Amsterdam
1. Not following through on a promise/ statement. "Oh I will do it tomorrow " "o promise you I will do it...etc and not getting done.
2. Telling me to calm down or saying just stop.
3. Not texting back right away... especially when you know the phone is attached to their hip.
I think 2 might be come across as dominant? I recognise this so much too. I dont mind if the text stays a few hours. Max 12 for me.
Dismissing my feelings.
Lying.
Ignoring me.
The lying for me too. Especially if I find out that it was for selfish reasons
 
F

Faye80

Member
Joined
Jun 20, 2020
Messages
14
Location
Amsterdam
Relationship itself. I can't, so contradictory.... I don't know.... Another thing...if a girl likes me for my impulsivity, I've found so offensive for me.
You mean if the girl likes you for your impulsively you start doubting if you want to be with her?
 
G

Geegirl124

New member
Joined
Jun 28, 2020
Messages
3
Location
Royston
Really Geegirl124? Wow, we are not alone! I am learning to honour these things I feel as no one tell that are stupid. These are my feelings. But the big thing is in how to communucate in a calm manner without any arguments or where it might lead to it. The more vulnerable the subject the more risk.
I’m struggling with a fairly new relationship at the moment, having last been in an abusive relationship so finding it especially hard. I need to talk about those triggers without being made to feel like I’m making a mountain out of a molehill. Effort is a big thing for me too, I put in full effort with people and as soon as I feel like they’re not putting in exactly the same amount, I just completely shut down. It’s hard to know if you’re being irrational sometimes or if you’re just seeing it for what it is
 
wraziel

wraziel

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Joined
Feb 12, 2020
Messages
197
Location
Chile
You mean if the girl likes you for your impulsively you start doubting if you want to be with her?
Yes. I think she likes the energy but no the unpredictably anger by random things (I don't want to harm nobody, I'm struggling so hard for that) or when I fall in deepness or when and change my opinions in 1 sec.
 
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