A
AboveAllOthers
New member
Founding Member
- Joined
- Jun 2, 2008
- Messages
- 4
Woo, first post (aside from intros)! I'm not sure on my diagnosis as the doctors are unsure, however, most believe it is schizophrenia with something else. For now, they call it something along the lines of undetermined psychosis or psychosis to be determined. Some of what is below may be disturbing to others, even the doctors get uncomfortable for some of it.
For those who have it, or are relatives of those who have it, I'll list my symptoms, and could others say what theirs are? I've read information, however, that can only go so far, so, what ones do you have? Here are mine:
- At times, it's felt like I'm not really in my body. It's felt like I'm viewing from somewhere else down onto my body yet still in it. This doesn't make much sense to me but hopefully others can understand it. Things tend to move slower and some sounds seem to be slower in my perception.
- When I hear voices or see things, usually, I get twitches in my arms or legs. They can happen quite frequently and a few times my leg or arm has uncontrollably shot out (broken a few toes). Other times, it'll be so frequent, I'll be shaking endlessly that I'll start stuttering. Only a few times, parts of my body have randomly contorted and I couldn't get out of it. It only ever lasted a few seconds then I could move again.
- This isn't exactly like seeing things or the daydreams (see below), but these are trances. I've snapped into this dream-like world, unaware of what is going on around me but apparently doing this, I do certain things I'm completely unaware of. Others have talked to me and from their accounts, I don't respond to my real name and talk with a different attitude, sometimes childish, other times very hostile. I don't remember a single thing, only brief parts of what I saw in this trance-like state. Once I get out, which can be a while as this has lasted hours, I'll need someone else to tell me what has happened.
- Hearing multiple voices, either commanding me to do something, commenting on something, occasionally arguing (I'm not always involved) or insulting me.
- Seeing various things others don't, such as a shadow forming into something then coming straight at me, objects or people deforming then coming back to what they once were.
- Occasionally, tasting something like blood or metal in my mouth even when I'm not bleeding and not chewing on metal. With this, my mouth and tongue area tends to go numb, sort of like when at a dentist, they give you the painkillers that numb your mouth.
- In addition to seeing things, these are kind of like thoughts or sometimes manifest into things I see, sort of as a day-dream. They are always extremely violent, usually involving someone I see around me, even if I am unaware of who they are.
- I have an undescribable "need" for control of others. I think this may be due to my father striving for control over most others. When I cant get control, I get quite annoyed and these ideas of how to gain control or hurt the person tend to flash in my head.
- I love pain, mainly of others. If someone is in pain, I cant help but laugh because I find it funny. I don't understand what other emotion or behavoir I should exhibit. My mother tends to chuckle at some things that cause some pain, as long as there is no blood (she gets queasy).
- As for blood, I don't know why but I love it. I don't like to cut myself, however, if I see it, I don't know how to describe it. It's like something takes over and I just want more of it.
- I'm on medications (insulin diabetic), but even for medications such as anti-psychotic medications, I tend to either take too little but more commonly, I take too much. I know how much to take and I'll take that dose but then it's as though something commands me to take more and more of it.
- I don't understand people's emotions. I'm unsure if this is due to me being 18 (as my parents say but doctors say otherwise), but, it's like I can show an emotion (i.e. mimic) but not feel it, except for anger. I always feel irritated, even if everything is going perfectly. Others tell me I'm always on edge, however, my father seems to be somewhat insensitive to emotions and gets angry very easily, then gets abusive verbally. He's been abusive physically to me but has never laid a hand on my mother.
- I'm not sure if this is worth posting, however, I've tended to be manipulative of people. I see people more like an object that I can use. My father says he's the same. I use people for something then ditch them afterwards. I get very attached or clingy to people. I'll watch some people before making any moves to see if they're "right".
- Last, is fire. I absolutely love it. I don't know why as my parents get panicky when they see fire but I'm not only captivated, I want to see more, have it more intense.
For those who have it, or are relatives of those who have it, I'll list my symptoms, and could others say what theirs are? I've read information, however, that can only go so far, so, what ones do you have? Here are mine:
- At times, it's felt like I'm not really in my body. It's felt like I'm viewing from somewhere else down onto my body yet still in it. This doesn't make much sense to me but hopefully others can understand it. Things tend to move slower and some sounds seem to be slower in my perception.
- When I hear voices or see things, usually, I get twitches in my arms or legs. They can happen quite frequently and a few times my leg or arm has uncontrollably shot out (broken a few toes). Other times, it'll be so frequent, I'll be shaking endlessly that I'll start stuttering. Only a few times, parts of my body have randomly contorted and I couldn't get out of it. It only ever lasted a few seconds then I could move again.
- This isn't exactly like seeing things or the daydreams (see below), but these are trances. I've snapped into this dream-like world, unaware of what is going on around me but apparently doing this, I do certain things I'm completely unaware of. Others have talked to me and from their accounts, I don't respond to my real name and talk with a different attitude, sometimes childish, other times very hostile. I don't remember a single thing, only brief parts of what I saw in this trance-like state. Once I get out, which can be a while as this has lasted hours, I'll need someone else to tell me what has happened.
- Hearing multiple voices, either commanding me to do something, commenting on something, occasionally arguing (I'm not always involved) or insulting me.
- Seeing various things others don't, such as a shadow forming into something then coming straight at me, objects or people deforming then coming back to what they once were.
- Occasionally, tasting something like blood or metal in my mouth even when I'm not bleeding and not chewing on metal. With this, my mouth and tongue area tends to go numb, sort of like when at a dentist, they give you the painkillers that numb your mouth.
- In addition to seeing things, these are kind of like thoughts or sometimes manifest into things I see, sort of as a day-dream. They are always extremely violent, usually involving someone I see around me, even if I am unaware of who they are.
- I have an undescribable "need" for control of others. I think this may be due to my father striving for control over most others. When I cant get control, I get quite annoyed and these ideas of how to gain control or hurt the person tend to flash in my head.
- I love pain, mainly of others. If someone is in pain, I cant help but laugh because I find it funny. I don't understand what other emotion or behavoir I should exhibit. My mother tends to chuckle at some things that cause some pain, as long as there is no blood (she gets queasy).
- As for blood, I don't know why but I love it. I don't like to cut myself, however, if I see it, I don't know how to describe it. It's like something takes over and I just want more of it.
- I'm on medications (insulin diabetic), but even for medications such as anti-psychotic medications, I tend to either take too little but more commonly, I take too much. I know how much to take and I'll take that dose but then it's as though something commands me to take more and more of it.
- I don't understand people's emotions. I'm unsure if this is due to me being 18 (as my parents say but doctors say otherwise), but, it's like I can show an emotion (i.e. mimic) but not feel it, except for anger. I always feel irritated, even if everything is going perfectly. Others tell me I'm always on edge, however, my father seems to be somewhat insensitive to emotions and gets angry very easily, then gets abusive verbally. He's been abusive physically to me but has never laid a hand on my mother.
- I'm not sure if this is worth posting, however, I've tended to be manipulative of people. I see people more like an object that I can use. My father says he's the same. I use people for something then ditch them afterwards. I get very attached or clingy to people. I'll watch some people before making any moves to see if they're "right".
- Last, is fire. I absolutely love it. I don't know why as my parents get panicky when they see fire but I'm not only captivated, I want to see more, have it more intense.
