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What are your 'getting better' NY resolutions?

N

notrealname

Well-known member
Joined
May 4, 2009
Messages
766
Anybody got any changes they will make or build on in the New Year?

I'm going to:
1) Try to stop thinking so much by meditating and making schedules that keep me doing rather than analysing
2) Build on 'acting as if' to help me with my confidence levels and self doubt
3) Try to learn to live in the moment and find three things I have enjoyed from each day to help me do this.
4) Keep a rota so I can keep my house clean and my environment a pleasant one
5) Create a 'shop' day so that I always have food in the house
6) Save a certain amount a month (won't say how much because I'm embarrassed about how much I earn...) so I can spend my money on something rewarding rather than wasting it on takeaways and taxis :unsure:
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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Joined
Aug 17, 2012
Messages
13,531
Location
The West Country
All your ideas are really positive. Good luck with them. :)

I have such a rough time in January/February, that the idea of suddenly making changes during a rough period never really sits well with me.
So, rather than it being a New Year's thing, mine are more goals to be tackled at some point in 2015.

- Visit my local peace gardens (that i'm a 'companion' of) more often. I get free entry for the annual fee I pay, and I don't go in there as often as I should. It's not far from where I live at all.
- Try to move more (if I tell myself i'm exercising, it'll never work).
- Eat more nutrients (again - if I even think of being on a "diet", I immediately want all of the chocolate in the world so that won't work either).
- Take advantage of being in a town that has a very alternative approach to health and well-being. There are often events that offer 'taster sessions' of all kinds of spiritual healing and alternative therapies.

One thing I will start right away is an idea I wanted to do last year but forgot about..
And that's to keep a jar and write all happy moments/achievements on a piece of paper and store it in the jar.
The idea is you then read them next New Year's and hopefully appreciate the highlights of your year.
 
N

notrealname

Well-known member
Joined
May 4, 2009
Messages
766
One thing I will start right away is an idea I wanted to do last year but forgot about..
And that's to keep a jar and write all happy moments/achievements on a piece of paper and store it in the jar.
The idea is you then read them next New Year's and hopefully appreciate the highlights of your year.
That's a wonderful idea! I might have to nick that for myself!
 
W

wulfgar

Active member
Joined
Dec 30, 2014
Messages
26
I want to try and push my self to be more social and out going.
Start therapy.
learn some new life skills.
Loose weight and get fit.
To not be so hard on myself and think more about the positives than the negatives.
 
BlueBerry

BlueBerry

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 13, 2014
Messages
1,261
Location
Edinburgh
I'm a big fan of this Mark Twain quote...
"It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt"

There's been far too many times when I've tried to be communicative, talkative and sociable and just ended up looking stupid. So I've decided to be much more quiet this year. I'd like to be alone with my thoughts more, and I'd much rather listen to people and absorb what they're saying than try to talk.

My stupid mouth has often caused me nothing but trouble, so I'm going to try to talk as little as possible I think.

I also want to learn how to understand people more. I want to know what makes them tick and what they're thinking. Maybe I'll be less scared of people if I understand them more.

Finally I want to read more and swim more. Exercise the mind and the body.
 
Purple Chaos

Purple Chaos

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Joined
Oct 23, 2014
Messages
1,079
I'm a big fan of this Mark Twain quote...
"It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt"
It certainly is a great quote.

I'm sure you're not as bad as you think you are though :hug1:
 
katya

katya

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Joined
Dec 4, 2013
Messages
2,052
Location
England
Mine are:
- Lose weight by exercising (a lot) more and eating healthily;
- Focus more on positives and be more confident, especially in work;
- Take one picture every day for the '365 Days of Happiness' thing;
- Take time out to read books for pleasure.
 
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N

notrealname

Well-known member
Joined
May 4, 2009
Messages
766
I'm a big fan of this Mark Twain quote...
"It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt"
I do like that quote, as I think it is wise to think before you speak, but do you think it might be even better to learn effective communication rather than stop communicating? I guess it depends what it is you think you are doing that is making it difficult for you to relate to people. If, like me, you are simply prone to feeling embarrassed (social anxiety), which is what your post sounds like, then it will do you good to talk more and work instead on the embarrassment. For example, sometimes I say something and the other person gives me a weird look and I feel embarrassed, or it's obvious that I am neurotic and I feel embarrassed because of the difference in confidence between me and others, but actually neither or these things are anything to be ashamed of. Because I get ashamed, I end up being too apologetic, too grateful and too self-deprecative, which can actually be uncomfortable for others - a self-fulfilling prophesy. If I just wasn't ashamed to begin with, I'd have no issue at all.

Neuroticism probably isn't something you'll ever completely overcome because it's partially genetic (your limbic system reacts with panic a little sooner than others - a low threshold for fear or danger), but you can be neurotic with confidence, because neuroticism is a value-neutral trait (i.e. it isn't good or bad). It has a lot of positive things attached to it, as it's actually evolutionarily progressive (neurotic people are less likely to break bones, hurt themselves etc, because they will recognise risk and step back). They're also really good employees in certain roles because they can foresee risk where others can't and help to save the team from poor decision making. Sometimes they over-recognise risk where it doesn't exist, and that can hold you back, but pick your battles and decide what things you want to desensitise yourself to and what you don't - some things really just don't matter that much. For instance, some people are scared of snakes. Not a problem, there's no point desensitising to snakes unless you really, really want to.

If I've read your post right and you are socially anxious, the trick is not to talk less but to accept you feel afraid and not give a toss about that. Harder said than done, but if you can be 'confidently shy' (i.e. recognise that shyness is value-neutral - neither good nor bad - and feel no shame) then you will beat your shyness. Keep talking and keep desensitising.

Anyway, I might have read this completely the wrong way and you mean that you let your emotions get the better of you and say hurtful things to people that you later regret, or struggle to maintain relationships with people because your emotions swing around a lot. In that case, more effective communication skills still might be better than shutting up :) DBT is really good for this.

Sorry, unsolicited advice there. I do go on a bit!
 
RainbowHeartz

RainbowHeartz

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Joined
Jun 25, 2013
Messages
13,273
loose weight

give up smoking

go back to work

be a brilliant daughter
 
C

ChesireCat

Guest
Lose some weight. Stay not smoking and quit my cheating. Start reading books again. Try to surround myself with empathetic / sensitive /caring people. Stay active on a forum like this and try to make new friends!:hug:
 
AliceinWonderland

AliceinWonderland

Well-known member
Staff Member on Leave
Joined
Jan 25, 2012
Messages
14,164
Location
UK
Recognise emotional flashbacks quicker
Be less hard on myself
Find a better approach to keeping on top of my home, find ways to get less discouraged with myself in this area
Find more ways to spend my time doing things that are good for me, and rewarding/enjoyable, rediscover interest in things I have lost motivation for but used to enjoy

ETA: Read some good books
 
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K

Katss

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Apr 2, 2013
Messages
2,979
Surround myself with positive people 😍
Guffaw??!!! Not be sorry be more honest even if that entails being brutal have already started and it's great? !
 
coldwater00

coldwater00

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 19, 2013
Messages
3,372
Location
Yorkshire
I'm a big fan of this Mark Twain quote...
"It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt"

There's been far too many times when I've tried to be communicative, talkative and sociable and just ended up looking stupid. So I've decided to be much more quiet this year. I'd like to be alone with my thoughts more, and I'd much rather listen to people and absorb what they're saying than try to talk.

My stupid mouth has often caused me nothing but trouble, so I'm going to try to talk as little as possible I think.

I also want to learn how to understand people more. I want to know what makes them tick and what they're thinking. Maybe I'll be less scared of people if I understand them more.

Finally I want to read more and swim more. Exercise the mind and the body.
Really good resolutions. I've resolved to be more quiet too, in regard to MH services. No more shouting, screaming, ringing people up etc. Someone from the MH lot once said I was "unnervingly calm", in fact I've had a lot of people say I'm "too calm" as if I'm a serial killer or something.. So I'm just going to try and be as calm as possible and put the shits up everyone :D

Secondly I'd like to keep up my healthy eating and being vegetarian. I've been vegetarian for 4 months now. And my walking in the woods which is really important to me.

Also, my eternal resolution is just to carry on writing on my blog, doing poetry and be curious (and calm).
 
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