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What am I ... ?

K

Katakurio

New member
Joined
Feb 20, 2018
Messages
2
Hello everyone,

i am 19 years old and currently in highschool final year.
But I just don't know more.
I have 0 Motivation for anything, taking shower, brush my teeth's, speaking, studying for my school and even for gaming and listening to music.
All I do is nothing.
I just stare to the computer screen ... and doing nothing.
I just feel empty, angry, sad, hurted, in pain etc. and it makes me crazy.

I have no friends or anything and even tho I don't have the motivation to find new.
I have mostly always dark and bad voices in my head that is speaking to me that everyone hates me, that a loser like me doesn't deserve to live and that I just should kill myself.
I can't control this voice anymore it's getting stronger and louder and I feel even more weaker.
I also noticed that I am way more aggressive, cold and want to attack people because this voice in my head is saying so.
I lost the control over me - and so my life.
Just a voice or what this is can control me.
It's over and I don't know anything more.
I just look to the mirror, see myself and want to destroy the mirror.

Am I becoming to a monster?
I don't want to become a monster and I want my life back ...
or is it already too late?
Because I think it's too late.
Nobody understands me and it looks like nobody likes me - whatever why.

I am sorry if I said something wrong.
 
Last edited:
LORD BURT

LORD BURT

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Joined
Jul 8, 2013
Messages
30,509
Location
Mordor
Hi, :welcome: to the forum.

Really you need to speak to your doc about hearing voices.

As a voice hearer myself I know how tough it is.

See the doc and open up about it.
 
Mayfair

Mayfair

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:welcome: to the forums :)

I doubt you are becoming a monster, btw
 
calypso

calypso

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Messages
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Lancashire
YOu are suffering a lot and you need to talk to someone about this. You can be helped and you are not becoming a moster just a suffering individual who needs a ot of help and soon. Don't hurt yourself. I hear voices at times too and it can be really hard to manage them. But its not that you are a bad person you just have become a victim to this thing inside you. Please go to a doc and tell them everything you have said here.

There is a way through this. I remember looking in mirrors and wanting to smash them too and I am oK now. Hang on in there.
 
K

Katakurio

New member
Joined
Feb 20, 2018
Messages
2
Thank you everyone.

@burt tomato
Yes but how?
My doctor is not interested in having a deep conversation with me since he is busy with the other people.
Maybe I should search for a therapist but the appointment's are too long and far away.

@calypso
Yes I really need someone to talk but well I don't have friends so sadly I can't.
And my doctor is not interested and I don't have a therapist.
I started searching but cancelled when my motivation went to 0 and didn't started again.
 
calypso

calypso

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Jan 5, 2011
Messages
43,489
Location
Lancashire
Can you go back to the doctor and nag him/her. i had to go 6 times once to a doctor before one said that I was seriously ill and got me into services. i was later diagnosed with bipolar as a result. Can you see another doc? This is really bad for you.

I am so sorry you are having such a bad time with help. If its any consolation several of us have now said that you need help and that should give you some motivation to try again. What did you tell the doc?
 
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