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What am I missing?

Signofthetimes

Signofthetimes

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Joined
Mar 1, 2021
Messages
3,468
Location
California
Are some people not treatable? I have no feelings at the moment. Cardboard existence. That mood will change. There will be moments where I am my usual sad, but safe. Then moments when I panic that I'm going to do something regretful, as I am smothering under everything. Existence is not for me. Suicidal. I don't know. Someone said you can't feel suicidal. My mind speaks to itself. I'm left out of those conversations too.

Am I being tossed out of treatment because I don't want medications? Has this been anyone's experience?

My therapist wanted to refer me to a psychiatrist for ADHD inattentive type. I don't even know if she knew my previous diagnosis of BPD. I didn't want to share and she never inquired. I declined. Also declined a referral for treatment with medications. She shared that she respected my choices.

I lost my therapist as she changed companies after about 8 of 25 sessions. I was placed on a wait list. Been on it since May. Can't wait anymore so I reached out for help. After much wasted time and back and forth calls, no one is available. Had to start back at point A and look outside the group that had me on the wait list.

I'm lost in a mental purgatory. No one knows. I got a list of 4 names from my insurance today. I checked reviews. No thanks. The world has a very polite way of saying F*U. I've been listening.
 
2

2Much2Feel

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Joined
Apr 24, 2021
Messages
1,563
Location
US
Hey, sign, hang in there. I get what you mean by the cardboard existence, that's a good way of putting it. Also get what you mean by feeling untreatable. It is so frustrating dealing w our MH system, so broken everywhere around the world.

If you did get diagnosed with ADHD, they may prescribe some Ritalin or adder all or something that can help with the depression and lack of energy. Stimulants, while you have to be careful, can really help with that. I'm keeping you in my thoughts and hoping you will push forward with some help. That could be just what you need. That's what my thoughts are, for what they are worth, but you know how well I've done, lol.

We just keep pushing forward is all. I've been trying to wrack my brain to think of all the reasons to give people to keep going, and it gets harder and harder to think of them these days. But they are there, just not clear right now. The haze will fade. It is a hard time. But we are strong enough to make it through. But I would highly recommend trying a med if they recommend one at this point. I know how maddening it all is, enough to make someone totally sane insane by the end of the process. Hang in there. You are needed and loved. xx
 
Signofthetimes

Signofthetimes

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 1, 2021
Messages
3,468
Location
California
@2Much2Feel xo
Thank you 💗
There is no they in terms of MH workers to recommend meds. My therapist wanted to refer me for evaluation back in April. I wasn't ready at the time. I wanted to try talk therapy. She left. I lost trust. To be fair, trust is low always. Wanted a chance. I have no therapist now. I would have considered medication at this point. There are so many people needing help and not enough space for everyone.

Years ago I waited almost too late to get help. Lesson not learned. There's no one to help. There are directions for what to do when you need help, but when some reach for help, nothing is available. Process is not available for me.
 
Novastars

Novastars

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Joined
Jul 9, 2021
Messages
556
Location
Scotland
I don't think that you're untreatable Signofthetimes, it seems more a case of unfortunate circumstances you're tangled up in now.

It's horrible when a therapist you trust leaves. It happened to me too. It takes so long to trust the new one and being put on a waiting list instead of there being a therapist ready to take over from the previous therapist's 'work load' is very unprofessional. Makes you feel like no-one cares, doesn't it?

You are treatable though. Don't give up hope.:flowers:
 
Signofthetimes

Signofthetimes

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 1, 2021
Messages
3,468
Location
California
Makes you feel like no-one cares, doesn't it?
Yes. Feels like I was never even considered. So cold. All of it, from even reaching out to gp many months ago explaining and the only response a number to call. Literally nothing else just a number. Makes no room for trust. Trust is a small issue now. It's not just me. It's so many people and I'm just one more. I can't anymore.

Thank you 💗
 
Lone_wanderer

Lone_wanderer

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Joined
Jan 22, 2012
Messages
5,848
@Signofthetimes, I'm not trying to convert you to Buddhism here, that's something Buddhists don't do, this meditation can be used entirely in a secular manner, I explained it to a lady here a few years ago who had been a victim of an attempted street robbery and it worked to reduce her stress and anxiety. Don't do this if you have had THC or a bit of wine as irt probably won't work (well I'm not so sure about the THC). also for anyone else who is reading if you suffer flashbacks oir are pretty psychotic don't attempt it either it could make them work.

Sit with your back straight either in a chair or cross legged on cushions or astride a pile of cushions like riding a horse. Take 3 deep breaths in and out and the breathe naturally count 1 on the in breath and 1 on the out breath then 2 on the in breath and 2 on the breath and so on upto, then begin again at 1 and repeat upto 10 again and then start over at 1 agin. If you get distracted and lose count just start over at 1 again. Relax and smile on both the inbreath and out breath. breath down into the hara, its an area about 2 to 3 finger widths below the navel. On the in breath feel the beginning of the breath at the nostrils, the middle of at the heart and the end at the hara, reverse this on the out breath, counting, relaxing and smiling as you go. Thoughts and feelings will rise in your mind, try not to judge them as good or bed, instead try and see how your mind tightens up around them, relax it'sgrip, return to the breath and refocus and resmile and let the thoughts and feelings go their merry way. If you get lost in thought, when you realise just relax, return etc. If an emotion gets to strong just stop, it's not masochism. It may seem to be making it worse, it's not your just noticing how intense these states are.

After about ten minutes to fifteen minutes of doing this try to see the part of you that is aware of your thoughts when you relax, relax into this awareness.

@Signofthetimes, your a lovely woman and a supportive friend. Try this for 20 minutes twice a day for about a week, morning and evening. If it doesn't work for you that's fine. I wish there was more I could do to help you but we're separated by an ocean. This is my take on the basic meditation to settle the mind. I hope you try it and it helps.
 
Signofthetimes

Signofthetimes

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 1, 2021
Messages
3,468
Location
California
@Signofthetimes, your a lovely woman and a supportive friend. Try this for 20 minutes twice a day for about a week, morning and evening. If it doesn't work for you that's fine. I wish there was more I could do to help you but we're separated by an ocean. This is my take on the basic meditation to settle the mind. I hope you try it and it helps.
[/QUOTE]
Thank you 💗 I will try this..
xo
 
Signofthetimes

Signofthetimes

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 1, 2021
Messages
3,468
Location
California
Thank you all for taking the time to write all of this to me. Thanks for your time. Just want to let you know that it's deeply appreciated. Hope each of you have a good day and night. I'm glad to know you here. I care about you all too. xo 💗
 
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