What a scumbag!

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Sky_89

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#1
I found out that my boyfriend (now ex-boyfriend) has been actively seeking other women on a dating site. I had my supiscions for a while as things didn't seem right, so I decided to do some investigating and found a live profile on a dating site. I confronted him, he made a lame excuse saying it's an old app on his phone and that notifications just "pop up". I asked if he messages people and he said no you can't message people, which everyone knows is bull shit as how would internet dating work, if you couldn't message people! I played dump and asked him to show me what you can do on the app and surprise surprise he has been messaging a couple of women!
Then he turned it on me saying I drove him to going on the app because I'm not "loving enough" and make the relationship feel uncertain because of some of my BPD behaviour. I said you make me unhappy when we fight but I take time out not go off and fuck other people.
I feel disgusted as during the whole relationship he has been accusing me of cheating and always asking upon meeting have I been faithful since we last meet, yet it's him that's been deceitful.
What confuses me the most is we've been trying for a baby, which to start with was more his idea. And only the other day we were talking about it and our future and all along he has been online dating to see if there's someone "better" out there to replace me. It's just fucked up!
 
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la femme foufolle

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#2
Be glad you didn't have a baby with him then. You are well rid of him. He sounds really irresponsible and not fit to be a father. Good for you, dumping him. Don't look back, you're better off on your own than with that pig.

Best wishes. :hug5:
 
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Sky_89

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#3
You're quite right I'm better off without him. He has text me asking if I can give him another chance, I'm not going to reply as there's no way I can be with him now knowing what I know.
 
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la femme foufolle

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#4
Yeah, quite right too. He wanted to have a baby with you even though he was cheating? Tell him to f*ck off. If he's doing it now he'll do it later too. He's not worth it. Well done. Don't look back.

:hug5:
 
Per Ardua Ad Astra

Per Ardua Ad Astra

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#5
Sky, you're better off without him.

He was lucky to have a decent girlfriend. If he's so dense he cannot see this, then what a tosser.

Good luck to you, and good riddance to bad rubbish. If he tries worming his way back into your affections, tell him to fuck off darlin :)
 
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Sky_89

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#6
Thanks Per Ardua Ad Astra.
He has texted again, part of me wants to reply to tell him what I think of him, but I don't want to get sucked into his lies again.
I know deep down I'm better off without him. But right now it feels like he is winning, as I feel worthless and starting to blame myself.
 
Per Ardua Ad Astra

Per Ardua Ad Astra

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#7
Thanks Per Ardua Ad Astra.
He has texted again, part of me wants to reply to tell him what I think of him, but I don't want to get sucked into his lies again.
I know deep down I'm better off without him. But right now it feels like he is winning, as I feel worthless and starting to blame myself.
Stay focused and stay strong. Maintain your resolve. Save for your affections for a decent lad, cos they are out there :)
 
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la femme foufolle

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#8
Don't blame yourself, he's a cheat, and that has nothing to do with you. As you said, you didn't cheat, so how are you to blame? You're not, he is, so just forget about him. I know it's not that simple, but trust me, you'll thank yourself in the end.

:hug5:
 
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Sky_89

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#9
I blame myself for not getting rid of him sooner as I knew something wasn't right. Also his nasty words have got to me, which doesn't feel me with confidence for starting a relationship in the future.
I'm trying to distract my thoughts by keeping busy. But I feel so sick and angry.
 
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la femme foufolle

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#10
It will take time to move on but you will get there. When you feel sad just remind yourself of him being a cheat and laugh, because he is a joke. You're better off alone. :hug5:
 
SoftRain

SoftRain

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#11
Good God. He is a cheater and will try to turn the blame to you, not taking responsibility for his own actions.
Please please don't have a baby, until you are in a stable relationship. I was 34 before I had my first child. I have 2. Even in a stable relationship, it's very challenging. No one can quit prepare the one for parenthood. BPD makes it even harder.
 
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Sky_89

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#12
Yes he is the exact definition of a cheater.
Not sure what to do now. I've been ignoring his messages and today he has asked me to decide if we are over or not as he wants to go on holiday with his ex! No appology, no how's you. Just wants to know if he can have the ok this time to cheat.
 
SoftRain

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#13
It's very painful to end relationships. I can't tell you exactly what to do but ask yourself this? Is this man healthy for me? Is he triggering me negatively?
I suggest you find someone to treat you with more compassion and respect. Hugs
 
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Sky_89

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#14
One thing I know for sure is I'm not going back to him.
What I can't decide is shall I continue to ignore him or send a text telling him to leave me alone for good.
 
SoftRain

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#15
just because he is a scumbag doesn't mean you are :)
If you can text him without getting caught in his web, that would be the Nice thing to do. But if you can't considering how he treated you..I wouldn't worry about it. You don't owe him.
 
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Sky_89

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#16
You make a very good point, I shouldn't feel bad that I'm ignoring him.