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Were you bullied at school? What happened and how did it affect you? Does it still affect you as an adult?

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Noetic

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Were you bullied at school? What happened and how did it affect you? Does it still affect you as an adult?

For me bullying didn’t really start until secondary school. I was shorter than average, chubby and a bit weird and so an obvious target for the bullies. There were three bullies who took a dislike to me and I would spend most break times engaged in escape and evasion. At the time I did have a few friends but they tended to avoid confrontation with the bullies since they had a bad reputation and of course they didn’t want to become targets of the bullies themselves. It was only if I got cornered that I would get beaten up and so most of my energies were spent ensuring this didn’t happen. There was also the obligatory name calling of course. I did eventually get lucky though in that one bully was expelled for attacking a teacher and another was expelled after perpetrating a pretty nasty sexual assault; the third I fought and managed to throw down a steep hill after which he never bothered me again.

The initial bullying did affect my self-esteem somewhat, but I think the main psychological impact was a feeling of powerlessness. There were cuts and bruises of course, but the emotional scars took longer to heal. It was the powerlessness that really affected me, the feeling of being trapped and at the whim of other people and there sadistic inclinations. But as I said I think I got lucky, as the expulsion of the other two bullies did allow me to take back control over the situation, to alleviate that feeling of helplessness I had previously felt. And I think that’s the worst part of bullying, the helplessness, the feeling of being a victim.

I realised a couple of years ago how much my experience of bullying had affected me. I was on my way home from work when a big bloke came up to me and asked me to hand over my wallet and said that if I didn’t he would beat the crap out of me. Now this was a really big guy and the sensible thing to do would have been to hand over my wallet and then report it to the police; but something snapped inside me; it was rage; it was like I was back at school and I couldn’t face feeling helpless again. So I faced off against this big guy (must have looked farcical to anyone who saw it since I’m not that big myself) and went to hit him. Luckily he wasn’t expecting any resistance and I think the shock of it and the possibility of getting hurt was enough to scare him and he ran off.

In one way I’m quite proud of what I did; in another way I’m thinking how stupid was I for doing that, he could have had a knife or anything. But at the time I wasn’t thinking I just reacted; and I’ve noticed that since then I’ve been even more confrontational with those I see as bullies. I really do overreact and get angry at bullying of any sort, which is strange because my default emotion is normally fear not anger. I can only put this down to my experience of being bullied at school.
 
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supergreysmoke

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I was bullied and knowing I couldn't defeat anyone physically I developed a robust and sharp wit. It is always ready to strike. Sometimes I give a second wind of verbal venom for good measure. Eat or be eaten. In the jungle.
 
Davey Blueeyes

Davey Blueeyes

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Bullies make me want to puke, they are scum and are so messed up they can only feel better by demeaning other people. They only demean themselves.

Fuck them, quite frankly
Davey x

p.s. yes, I was bullied
 

MarlieeB

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http://www.mentalhealthforum.net/forum/thread85832.html

That kinda explains a bit about my story and if you can't click on the link, it's the Locked sticky at the top of this sub forum, second one down.

Bullies make me want to puke, they are scum and are so messed up they can only feel better by demeaning other people. They only demean themselves.
Now this may seem weird coming from someone who was bullied so much but......

I understand that you have a lot of anger, I do to but you never know what made them bullies. Now there are some people who bullied to make them look cool or just because there are little ^&**(&^%%'s but there are the ones who bullied due to peer pressure, it's the only way they know, it's how they were brought up and many other reasons and you know what?

I feel really sorry for them, Weird? yes, very weird to think that but they will have to live with what they have done for the rest of their lives, if they have children who might be bullied themselves it will really upset them because they can see firsthand how much it affects someone.

I mostly feel sorry for them because of how unhappy they must of been deep down to make another persons life hell.

Of course there are scum out there who doing it for kicks, no other reason, just for kicks. They, I don't feel sorry for.
 
cherish

cherish

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Hi noetic or should i say rocky balboa ;) i love that you stood up for yourself but as you said i am just glad he didn't have a knife. it's all about power for a bully , my father was a bully and i only recently found out his father was horrible to him so i guess his way of feeling powerful was to hurt others.
I really wish we had all been friend's in school, i imagine us to be like the goonies images.jpg
 
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Mastiff mom

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I was bullied at home and at school. My mom was a drug dealer and didn't look after my sister and me. Subsequently we often went to school a mess- no hair brushing, dirty clothes and we were poor so we were made fun of for our free lunch vouchers. Many times we ran home to avoid being beaten up only to be beaten up at home. I became a fighter at age thirteen-- when my mother went to beat my head in with her fists, I grabbed them with a strength I didn't know I had and told her to never touch me again. I fought off an attempted gang rape by smashing a bottle over the leader's head. Still I lived with the emotional and verbal bullying at home. There's more to my history with bullying but the bottom line is it took a long time to process many experiences that have almost crushed me-- but I am at peace for the most part. I think a lot of my fighting spirit was from being of a scrappy Irish descent. Our songs were sad and our wars were merry! Lol.
 
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Noetic

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I'm sorry you had to go through that Mastiff mom; your experiences make mine look tame by comparison. :hug: Well done you for standing up for yourself. My father was Irish. ;)
 
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pusheen

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Yes, and it does still affect me.

As I was growing up we were really dirt poor. My mum would cut our hair and we always ended up in some weird charity shop ensemble because we couldn't afford the latest clothes and shoes. I was (and still am lol) a swot and of course that just made it easier for them to get to me. It was mostly verbal and although I was shoved and punched once or twice, that saying of "sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me" is a load of rubbish. I was different, there was nothing I could do about it. My parents were abusive and I didn't trust anyone enough to tell them. I told one "friend" when I was 12 and although she said she would help me, she threatened me with it later. I didn't have anyone I could depend on; even my friends were bullies who would make fun of me for being different.

I still am very different. I'm incredibly introverted and in my 20's I really struggle to make new friends or hang on to the ones I've got. I struggled with social anxiety as a teenager and although I've made so much progress I am still very much broken. I'm not scared of people anymore - what can they do to me? I think like supergreysmoke, I have developed a very sharp wit as well as a cynical personality and as I've got older people can relate to me and find it funny.

I'm sorry you went through what you did Noetic; what everyone on this thread has had to put up with. Folk might say that the schoolyard bullies can't get you when you're an adult but I think we all know otherwise.
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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Yes, I was bullied.
And yes, it still affects me.

I was bullied by boys, and is one of several reasons why i'm intimidated and anxious around men.
My self-confidence is better than it used to be, but i'm still incredibly self-conscious.
Also, i've got a doormat personality because I think if i'm "nice" and give people what they want, they won't hurt me...

I've got a long way to go before i'm healed from it, if even that's possible.
 
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lovagemuffin

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Oct 21, 2014
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I wasn't bullied but for a very good reason growly scowly don't fuck with me looks being a tall girl.i put on a don't fuck with me strut blantantly eye balled anyone who would mess with me eye contact is a powerful thing. I was bullied at home more.
 
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khuang

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I was bullied and it affected me horribly. I became extremely depressed and withdrawn and I ended up starting to SI because of it. It still affects me to this day. I want certain people to suffer for what they did to me and it disgusts me that they are all so happy and have such wonderful lives while mine is quite miserable. They all have jobs and went to wonderful colleges and have families and what do I have? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I think some of them deserve to suffer for the things they said and did to me and I often wonder if that makes me a bad person? It's because of these people that I hated myself and made me feel absolutely worthless and that if I literally dropped dead, they'd all throw this BIG party to celebrate my death and not even feel sorry in the tiniest bit. I kept picturing this scene all day long every single day through out high school. I have never told anyone about the last part but that is what kept going in my mind. I kept thinking they'd all be happy if I died and that is a horrible thing to think about all day long.
 
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Chamaeleon

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I was mocked by 1 or two people at school. Actual bullying didn't start until college. I would keep quiet about bullying, though, because this is largely why the NHS/SS treats me like garbage. It's a taboo subject these days.

Don't make the same mistake I did.

People are more open about dark stuff these days, i.e, people having violence fetishes and stuff...
 
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lovagemuffin

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khuang sure wy to make yourself miserable is to compare yourself to other people.
have you seen the divorce statistics LOL half of so called happy families end in divorce
and people with kids are so exhausted and worn out little time to be happy gpot to do kid things. your unique individual you don't have to run with the pack.
 
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khuang

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khuang sure wy to make yourself miserable is to compare yourself to other people.
have you seen the divorce statistics LOL half of so called happy families end in divorce
and people with kids are so exhausted and worn out little time to be happy gpot to do kid things. your unique individual you don't have to run with the pack.
THAT'S what I'm actually hoping for. For them to not only go through a divorce but SUFFER greatly as well as a result of bad karma built up over they way they treated me. I mean I want these people to hit lower than rock bottom and stay there. I am such an awful person for wanting this but it's what I want to happen to them. Basically I want them to know what it is like to lose EVERYTHING and struggle to survive financially for awhile.
 
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Noetic

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God you’re a clever woman Marliee; you’re right, nobody is born to be a bully; how messed up must they have been to have spent so much time making other people’s life hell. We’re right to feel sorry for them.

What I would say however is that there will be those who’s conscience will never affect them; they won’t recognise what they did or the effect it had on their victims and even if their own children are bullied they won’t connect what they did with what their own children are going through. Some people just aren’t that self-aware.

My own anger, such as it is, isn’t directed toward those who bullied me; I’ve long ago forgiven, if not forgotten what happened to me. Instead my anger is against bullying in general and against any specific incidents of bullying I perceive in the present. It’s a feeling of wanting to protect and defend those who are being bullied, which I do feel is a positive feeling.

And of course bullying doesn’t take place only at school; I’m embarrassed to admit that a woman tried to bully me in my last job, in fact she did her utmost to get me the sack. It went as far as disciplinary action being taken against me before I managed to resolve the matter to her extreme annoyance.

I think Cherish is right about it being a power thing. Perhaps those who feel powerless in other areas of their lives bully in order to feel powerful and in control. :)

Sorry you didn’t have anyone to depend on pusheen; there’s nothing wrong with being different. :hug:

You’re not a doormat SomersetScorpio; being nice is important; you just need people around you who are as nice as you are. :hug:
Sorry you’re anxious around men; we’re not all bad. ;)

You’re not a bad person khuang; I’m sure anyone who’s been bullied can understand where you’re coming from. That must have been a horrible thing to think all day long; but you’re better than the bullies, you survived; the important thing is that you don’t allow them to get inside your head now. :hug:
 
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