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Went for walk to feel better. / couldn’t go through with it

M

MikeYST

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Joined
Apr 17, 2020
Messages
59
Location
Chicago
This morning... still dark out...went for a long walk to try to feel better
Less hopeless/ less like a loser

things coming at me and my wife are about to get
Much worse ( if that’s even possible)

I wanted to take my own life
I couldn’t even do it
I fucking can’t even do that correctly
 
N

Nukelavee

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Joined
Dec 17, 2019
Messages
3,369
Location
London, ON
I wanted to take my own life
I couldn’t even do it
I fucking can’t even do that correctly
Not taking your own life WAS the right choice, friend.

Why are things so bad for you right now?
 
GhostOfLenin

GhostOfLenin

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Location
Glasgow
This morning... still dark out...went for a long walk to try to feel better
Less hopeless/ less like a loser

things coming at me and my wife are about to get
Much worse ( if that’s even possible)

I wanted to take my own life
I couldn’t even do it
I fucking can’t even do that correctly
Stay strong and keep talking amigo 👍
 
Tawny

Tawny

Taking a break
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
5,928
Location
England
Have you spoken to your doctor today? I think you need to.

Do you have any support from friends and family?

Doctor?

I don't know if the below number is helpful but please reach out for help. These times tend to come back over and over again and so it is important to find a place that can help make sure you don't end up in that place again.

I have been there and i am so relieved that i am alive now, but i am also very surprised i am still alive. I wasn't in my right mind, very depressed.

It is NOT normal to feel this way. It is a big sign to you.
 
Tawny

Tawny

Taking a break
Joined
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Messages
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Location
England
If you’re thinking about suicide and are in immediate danger, please call your local emergency number (i.e. in the UK call 999, in the USA or Canada call 911, in Australia call 000 and in New Zealand call 111) or call the international emergency number of 112.

If you have been affected by the contents of this thread and would like to speak to someone about your feelings you can call one of the following helplines:

In the UK and Ireland, the Samaritans can be contacted on 116 123.
In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255.
In Canada, the Suicide Prevention Service on 1.833.456.4566.
In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is on 13 11 14.
In New Zealand, the Need to Talk service is on 1737 or 080017371737.
Other international helplines can be found at www.befrienders.org.
 
Tawny

Tawny

Taking a break
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Nov 10, 2019
Messages
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Location
England
You have three new friends here. Please let us now how you are

:grouphug:
 
M

MikeYST

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 17, 2020
Messages
59
Location
Chicago
I wanted to take my own life

I didn’t have the fucking guts to go through with it
I couldn’t do it
I was crying the whole time
I’m crying as I write this


I have been no support to my wife and family during this terrible time
I’m just someone that’s broken they need to worry about while their lives are also terrible

mike
 
Talina

Talina

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Forum Safety Team
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May 14, 2020
Messages
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Location
Sweden
I’m sorry to hear you are feeling so bad Mike, it would be good trying to seek help.

You are struggling and it could be good getting support so you can pull through these tough times.

We are here for you.
Hugs
 
M

MikeYST

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 17, 2020
Messages
59
Location
Chicago
I started out walking I n the dark before dawn
Thought it might help because im
The woods were so quiet
It was SO peaceful

I wanted to take my own life
Couldn’t even fucking do that right
 
B

bpd2020

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Maybe you did not end your life because deep down a part of you did not want to. I understand the despair you are feeling. I think you are being so hard on yourself, Mike. You are feeling sad and you are in emotional pain. You need kindness not to bully yourself.

You feel bad you are not able to support your family right now. That is because you are in too much emotional pain yourself. This does not make you a failure. If we feel depressed it is too hard to be able to care for ourselves let alone others.
 
M

MikeYST

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Joined
Apr 17, 2020
Messages
59
Location
Chicago
i know it doesnt make sense...thats why were all here on this forum right? Because we dont think rationally all the time?

My close friend from this forum... that has already saved me a couple times...told me its time to start fighting.

But thats the catch -22 right?
Getting help...seeking therapy, help lines...

Those are all POSITIVE acts ....
The solutions to all this requires Positive thinking actions and thoughts.

I dont have any of that at all

I could see it in my wifes eyes last night how exaustive a burden it must be to deal with crisis and also have to worry about me and my negative outlook.
It crushed me when I saw that in her.
It has to be a terrible burden to live with messed up people adding to already bad situations

mike
 
B

bpd2020

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I do not think you are being a burden. Your wife loves you and it hurts to see you feel so sad. That is love not a burden.

With getting support rather then think of it as you have to think positive could you see it as it is just something you are going to try? Like, I will call the doctor. Rather then think too deeply.
 
W

Wanttofeelpeace5

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Apr 8, 2020
Messages
808
Location
New zealand
"bent not broken mike" ... you are still here which shows amazing strength .. keep fighting you will beat this xx
 
T

treasurebox

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Joined
Aug 14, 2018
Messages
422
Location
Philippines
There will be better days for you. Your situation is not permanent. It will pass.

Music helps me. Music therapy or listening to good and uplifting songs on youtube makes me feel and think better.

Also doing what I love to do which is writing helps me too. What do you love to do? What are you good at? Is it cooking, baking, gardening, doing arts and crafts? Do it and it will make you happy and even be successful.
 
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