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Well the breakdown finally happened (TW mentions suicide)

EmilyLock

EmilyLock

New member
Joined
Dec 20, 2019
Messages
4
Location
Europe
Hi,

So anyway, today I went to work (yes, I work on Sundays) and at first everything seemed to be fine but then at one point, for no special reason I started having an extremely strong urge to run home and kill myself. Now don't get me wrong I've wanted to kill myself on many, many different occasions throughout my life it's just that the urge was kind of extreme. Somehow I managed to make it till the end of the day without anyone noticing me crying and suchlike and once I got home I immediately started crying again. After that I started playing a video game and that seems to be holding me together for the time being, but I'm a wee bit worried about how to I'll be able to cope with anything/everything outside the video game... most of all having to go back to work tomorrow (and no, I don't want to let them know what I'm going through, they've already done so much to help alleviate my stress and no I can't be absent from work tomorrow I've already had too many sick days recently as it is).

I've been looking up some info on the term "nervous breakdown" and I realize it's something that's overused and cliche and usually when people say they are having a nervous breakdown they're usually being hyperbolic... but in this case I kind of suspect that this might unironically be it... I could be wrong mind you... but either way this feels like some type of breakdown or another.
 
Eleison

Eleison

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 21, 2008
Messages
815
Location
London
Does your area have a crisis line that you can call?
 
EmilyLock

EmilyLock

New member
Joined
Dec 20, 2019
Messages
4
Location
Europe
Yeah, I've been calling crisis lines. I think I might be past the dangerous part at this point but the stress is still very high. I have a device for measuring blood pressure and even that has been very high. Right now I can't sleep and I don't think I'll be able to for the rest of the night and for some reason I'm afraid to.
 
Eleison

Eleison

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 21, 2008
Messages
815
Location
London
Glad that you're past the dangerous part. That level of distress is stressful in itself. And anxiety can really raise blood pressure. I hope that you managed to get some sleep. Can you access some support today?
 
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