- Feb 8, 2020
- United States
Hi, my "name" is Goblin. I'm at a point in my life where I feel really stuck and super frustrated and guilty about my past. I'm not great at being honest but I'm going to try my best while I'm on here, since this will be anonymous I'm hoping that helps. My diagnoses include depression, anxiety, OCD, and bipolar I disorder. I'm pretty sure I have the first three but not so sure about the bipolar (I will explain what I mean by that.) I am starting to think that I have histrionic personality disorder with tendencies to lie for sympathy and excusing my behavior or appearance, jump from hobby to hobby and quit once I get frustrated, act like a poser, and much more that are highlighted in my post in the Personality Disorders forum. I've encountered some sexual abuse in my life (when I've sought out help I exaggerated it though) and I struggle with intimacy with anyone. I've experimented with many drugs (weed, acid, mushrooms, DMT, molly, cocaine, ketamine, and xanax) and I almost brag about doing so to certain people. Most of those drugs I've only done once but I smoke weed daily to deal with anxiety. I've also had bad trips on acid and mushrooms that leave me ashamed of my behavior and with scary flashbacks. I feel like my depression is getting considerably worse both because of the drug use and because I am not good at following treatment/medication plans. My dishonesty also probably makes dealing with the issues worse but I have lots of anxiety over coming clean to the people I've lied to. But I want to get better. Knowing myself, I may not feel this way later but if I can make any progress I want to. I want to be better and hope I can get something from this website. I'm open to feedback and advice and am always here to listen if anyone has issues.