welcome to my world, please wipe your feet on the mat before entering.

[coggoblin]

Hi, my "name" is Goblin. I'm at a point in my life where I feel really stuck and super frustrated and guilty about my past. I'm not great at being honest but I'm going to try my best while I'm on here, since this will be anonymous I'm hoping that helps. My diagnoses include depression, anxiety, OCD, and bipolar I disorder. I'm pretty sure I have the first three but not so sure about the bipolar (I will explain what I mean by that.) I am starting to think that I have histrionic personality disorder with tendencies to lie for sympathy and excusing my behavior or appearance, jump from hobby to hobby and quit once I get frustrated, act like a poser, and much more that are highlighted in my post in the Personality Disorders forum. I've encountered some sexual abuse in my life (when I've sought out help I exaggerated it though) and I struggle with intimacy with anyone. I've experimented with many drugs (weed, acid, mushrooms, DMT, molly, cocaine, ketamine, and xanax) and I almost brag about doing so to certain people. Most of those drugs I've only done once but I smoke weed daily to deal with anxiety. I've also had bad trips on acid and mushrooms that leave me ashamed of my behavior and with scary flashbacks. I feel like my depression is getting considerably worse both because of the drug use and because I am not good at following treatment/medication plans. My dishonesty also probably makes dealing with the issues worse but I have lots of anxiety over coming clean to the people I've lied to. But I want to get better. Knowing myself, I may not feel this way later but if I can make any progress I want to. I want to be better and hope I can get something from this website. I'm open to feedback and advice and am always here to listen if anyone has issues.

 

[Acorn]

Hello an welcome to the forum.

You’re dealing with a lot and it’s completely understandable it would be getting on top of you. We are here to listen.

 

[midnightphoenix]

*wipes feet before entering thread*

Hi coggoblin and welcome to the forum, we're happy to have you here

I'm sorry to hear you've been through so much, are you recieving professional help?

 

[calypso]

to the forum. You are going through a lot and you are finding ways to cope which are not necessarily that helpful for you. Lying to people is an addictive habit and can eventually trip you up. Its just so easy to do as most people see each other on face value. I think, correct me if I'm wrong, but lying is a way of hiding from yourself what a low self esteem you may have.

I think you can make it through this and don't necessarily have to tell people that you have lied unless its absolutely necessary. I wouldn't make a rod for your own back. I'm not sure I agree with things like Histrionic PD etc. I think we are people who suffer in some way or other.

 

[Warrior]

My diagnoses include depression, anxiety, OCD

Hi coggoblin i have all these 3 things and i was told they can sometimes come under bipolar which i do have, if your seeing someone you need to ask about that.

To me your lying is to seek attention which can happen but like calypso said doing it can trip you up and make people turn their backs on you as they won't know what's coming out your mouth is genuine or not..being yourself is the best in life, as we all have issues some seek treatment some live in denial.

Your in the right place and amongst good people who can help you with their own experiences and your typing over the net, so no one knows who you actually are so be truthful in that extent.