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Weird sensation, how to get through it/focus??



Apr 8, 2014

Background: (feel free to skip this!) So I got my diagnosis of 'mixed' personality disorder last year (this apparently means that I have traits from all three clusters, but the ones the people treating me wanted to focus on were BPD and OCPD). I've also been diagnosed with a LOT of different mental health problems in the past, e.g. depression, anxiety, bulimia, OCD, psychosis...not sure how many of those are valid and how many are just a part of my personality disorder. Right now I'm not getting any treatment because I moved house, so I have to re-establish contact with the local mental health services, effectively means getting re-diagnosed...it's a massive pain and means I haven't had any formal help for over a year. Neither am I medicated at the moment. Luckily, I live with my boyfriend who is helpful and supportive. Still, he can't 'cure me'.

I'm in the second year of my degree and I'm going through a really bad bout of...something...at the moment. I'm having real trouble focusing, like I'm separate from the world, or that reality is about to collapse, or that everything isn't quite real, or that I'm constantly in a dream, or constantly spaced-out...it's very hard to pin down. I'm also having a lot of nightmares and some intrusive thoughts during the day, meaning that when I do get some motivation and energy, I STILL can't focus because my mind runs away with unpleasant thoughts. I usually end up cleaning or doing some other menial task to distract myself. Then I'm back to lying in bed feeling dazed and empty. Does this make sense to anyone else? As I said, I have no access to a regular therapist and I don't feel close enough to harming myself to call anyone like Samaritans, but I'm struggling so so much to get things done, it's getting me down and I'm really worried that I'm going to make a mess of the degree course I can't believe I got onto just because mental health services are taking so much time to process me. Does anyone have any tips for coping with sensations like this? Any help would be appreciated.

Thank you so much if you even read this!

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