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We both have BPD. I’m so pissed. Need help.

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Beloved1

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Joined
Nov 8, 2019
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5
Location
Tampa
So me and my husband both have undiagnosed BPD. It has taken me years to put the pieces together. The situation is absolutely unbearable. I don’t know what to think/feel anymore. I am trying to get help. None of the DBT clinics are getting back to me (in Tampa Florida). I’m trying to do things on my own in the meantime but my BPD husband is constantly triggering me by violating me and completely unaware that he has the same thing going on. When I try to work on things he blows me off and throws a fit. I feel like exploding. I’m pissed. Resentful. He’s driving me crazy. I want us to get help. I want to get better. I can’t do this alone. Need help.
 
Lunus

Lunus

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Norfolk
So me and my husband both have undiagnosed BPD. It has taken me years to put the pieces together. The situation is absolutely unbearable. I don’t know what to think/feel anymore. I am trying to get help. None of the DBT clinics are getting back to me (in Tampa Florida). I’m trying to do things on my own in the meantime but my BPD husband is constantly triggering me by violating me and completely unaware that he has the same thing going on. When I try to work on things he blows me off and throws a fit. I feel like exploding. I’m pissed. Resentful. He’s driving me crazy. I want us to get help. I want to get better. I can’t do this alone. Need help.
If you can afford it get yourself into a private psychologist who specialises in Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT). If funds are tight then embrace self help books on the subject, they will really help you both.
 
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Beloved1

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Tampa
I’m trying. None of the doctors have gotten back to me and I’m panicking. When I try to work on things he just pushes and pushes until I completely breakdown. I can’t get better for my own BPD in a unhealthy environment where he also has it.. or can I ? Is that possible?

I just woke up from a nightmare where in this beautiful land and starting think about my old house and my family. There were a lot of little subconscious details / golden nuggets sprinkled throughout the dream that I can’t remember right now. Then I was talking to a psychologist and ending up crying in pain from thinking about when my house burned down and the divorce I got after and thinking about my last partner. Then my current husband showed up and I told the doctors I can’t be around him right now because I will snap, he doesn’t understand what I’m going through. Which this also happened with my last husband, I went mental and he didn’t understand what I was going through. In the dream the doctor strictly told my current husband he could take me from A to B but to not talk to me. He obliged and then as soon as we were out of the doctors he started at me and then he started hurting me physically, my stomach was in knots and I was screaming stop his name and stop. He wasn’t listening. Then I woke up in real tears and real pain and body contorted from the dream. This can’t go on... it losing my mind right now and so emotional :(
 
daffy

daffy

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I think firstly you need to get a formal diagnosis rather than presuming you have BPD . That maybe could be the reason that the clinics have not got back. Then you can get the right treatment for yourself . DBT is an excellent way to go for BPD. It’s helped my daughter immensely. If you can’t get to a doctor there are a couple of really good books on amazon that do the full course but it will take you a long time, maybe a couple of years an you have to be strict with yourself to make sure you follow the programme. I’m not sure how easy it is to do on your own. But do some research and read the reviews before buying anything
 
B

Beloved1

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Tampa
Yes, and thank you for the responses. Again, I am trying to get help. I was diagnosed (misdiagnosed I believe) with rapid cycling bipolar 6 years ago during a major episode which I ultimately disassociated, changed my name and abandoned everyone including my daughter moved across the country with nothing except my clothes. It has taken me years to get educated on this condition and truly understand what is going on with me, and it is most definitely what is playing my husband. He marks all 9 symptoms regularly since we were 15. We are nearly 40 now. But no one is listening, say it can’t be, denial that anything is wrong, but don’t have to face it say in day out, or say ok get help. Ok help is apparently not available, and when I try to help myself he makes it impossible. I still have a little hope but it is extremely easy for me to fly off the radar. Like last night after my nightmare I was reading and trying to cope and it woke him up and he started trying to touch me. I first try as gently as possible to move his hands away. He starts to get upset then it it turns into a huge fight about how I hate him and he should just kill himself and I’m like I just need you not to touch me until I’m ready because my skin literally feels like it’s burning. In the moment we are so overly sensitive and insensitive to each other. This morning I’m a little better. Have headache but he’s apologized. I hate the up/down Breakup/makeup of this disorder.

Is anyone else who has BPD also in a relationship with a person who has severe BPD?
 
Lunus

Lunus

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Joined
May 20, 2019
Messages
1,009
Location
Norfolk
I’m trying. None of the doctors have gotten back to me and I’m panicking. When I try to work on things he just pushes and pushes until I completely breakdown. I can’t get better for my own BPD in a unhealthy environment where he also has it.. or can I ? Is that possible?

I just woke up from a nightmare where in this beautiful land and starting think about my old house and my family. There were a lot of little subconscious details / golden nuggets sprinkled throughout the dream that I can’t remember right now. Then I was talking to a psychologist and ending up crying in pain from thinking about when my house burned down and the divorce I got after and thinking about my last partner. Then my current husband showed up and I told the doctors I can’t be around him right now because I will snap, he doesn’t understand what I’m going through. Which this also happened with my last husband, I went mental and he didn’t understand what I was going through. In the dream the doctor strictly told my current husband he could take me from A to B but to not talk to me. He obliged and then as soon as we were out of the doctors he started at me and then he started hurting me physically, my stomach was in knots and I was screaming stop his name and stop. He wasn’t listening. Then I woke up in real tears and real pain and body contorted from the dream. This can’t go on... it losing my mind right now and so emotional :(
If you are in the UK bypass the doctor by self referring yourself to the Wellbeing Service, details are in the Internet. I have to say if one or both of you do not get treatment than the relationship will not work and you’ll both end up in a permanent state of suffering, as you will constantly trigger negative emotions in each other.
 
B

Beloved1

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Tampa
I can’t believe it’s gone on as long as it has (we’ve known each other over 20 years) and we haven’t seriously hurt each other (physically). I’m hoping I will get a call back from one of the clinics or doctors. I’ve tried about 4 different offices in my area (Tampa, Florida USA), that specialize in DBT. Been trying for weeks and dead silence.
 
Lunus

Lunus

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I agree with you they are in short supply, sadly. If you really want to get things started, there are two audio books that I would highly recommend.

Mindfulness for Borderline Personality Disorder by Blaise Aguirre and Gillian Galen.

The Mindful way through depression by Kabat Zinn. (This comes with a free meditation CD).

Good luck!
 
B

Beloved1

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Tampa
Thank you, Lunus. It has really help to have someone to talk to about this. I will definitely try to check out out those resources in the time being.
 
Lunus

Lunus

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Thank you, Lunus. It has really help to have someone to talk to about this. I will definitely try to check out out those resources in the time being.
It’s no problem at all. Contact me anytime. 🤗
 
G

Girl interupted

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