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Wasting away feels comforting

4LeafClover

4LeafClover

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Minneapolis Minnesota
I hate the feeling of an empty stomach, but in a way it’s so comforting to me. When I feel my stomach compress with emptiness it brings awareness to my conscious mind that I am successfully restricting. It’s fucked up, but the physical feeling of wasting away is a proud comfort to me. Why does this make me feel comfortable in my skin? I don’t understand how I can go against my own health in this way and feel proud about it.
 
O

Orangeade

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Dec 23, 2021
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I hate the feeling of an empty stomach, but in a way it’s so comforting to me. When I feel my stomach compress with emptiness it brings awareness to my conscious mind that I am successfully restricting. It’s fucked up, but the physical feeling of wasting away is a proud comfort to me. Why does this make me feel comfortable in my skin? I don’t understand how I can go against my own health in this way and feel proud about it.
Do you have anyone you can talk to about this? Maybe a therapist or councillor? Sending you love x
 
TheParadoxCalledMe

TheParadoxCalledMe

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I hate the feeling of an empty stomach, but in a way it’s so comforting to me. When I feel my stomach compress with emptiness it brings awareness to my conscious mind that I am successfully restricting. It’s fucked up, but the physical feeling of wasting away is a proud comfort to me. Why does this make me feel comfortable in my skin? I don’t understand how I can go against my own health in this way and feel proud about it.
I know what you mean. For me i feel like i need the validation it gives me. That my body does what i intented it to do, that i am in control. Even though i know it is not healthy and i am only fooling myself. Maybe this is the same for you? anyway, i hope you stay healthy:hug:
 
stevie_sloth

stevie_sloth

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I remember when I was too distressed, angry, devastated and traumatised to eat, and I lost a whole heap of weight, after a few months when I looked somewhat emaciated, a part of me felt satisfied. I was never hungry. I didn't even feel empty. I just felt numb.

Another part of me felt comforted...I think because if I was "too thin", then I was not ok, so I had a visible excuse not to have any expectations placed on me. It was like I was exempt from having to live in everyday society.
 
RapblasterMaster

RapblasterMaster

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I remember when I was too distressed, angry, devastated and traumatised to eat, and I lost a whole heap of weight, after a few months when I looked somewhat emaciated, a part of me felt satisfied. I was never hungry. I didn't even feel empty. I just felt numb.

Another part of me felt comforted...I think because if I was "too thin", then I was not ok, so I had a visible excuse not to have any expectations placed on me. It was like I was exempt from having to live in everyday society.
I had a similar time, difference was though after a few months of fasting, i started to eat, then I ate some more and more and took anti psychotics now I'm quite fat.
I look back on the early depression, when it first hit me. I remember the feeling of intense dread when I woke up in the morning, I remember not functioning at all, unable to walk to work.
Thankfully, i think our body, mind, spirit, always wants to recover from trauma.
They say depression means deep resting, and you need time to react at which point we were very sensitive.
 
stevie_sloth

stevie_sloth

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I had a similar time, difference was though after a few months of fasting, i started to eat, then I ate some more and more and took anti psychotics now I'm quite fat.
I look back on the early depression, when it first hit me. I remember the feeling of intense dread when I woke up in the morning, I remember not functioning at all, unable to walk to work.
Thankfully, i think our body, mind, spirit, always wants to recover from trauma.
They say depression means deep resting, and you need time to react at which point we were very sensitive.
I started to eat after a few months too, but it took about a year for the weight to get back to the pre-trauma weight.

At my lowest, I hadn't been that weight since I was 18 years old.
 
TheParadoxCalledMe

TheParadoxCalledMe

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I remember when I was too distressed, angry, devastated and traumatised to eat, and I lost a whole heap of weight, after a few months when I looked somewhat emaciated, a part of me felt satisfied. I was never hungry. I didn't even feel empty. I just felt numb.

Another part of me felt comforted...I think because if I was "too thin", then I was not ok, so I had a visible excuse not to have any expectations placed on me. It was like I was exempt from having to live in everyday society.

That is a big part for me as well. It sucks that we as a society place it upon ourselfs that we cant be excused from fully participating in life, except when we're physicly (and visibly) ill. Even though i know that's not the case, i still feel like this.
 
stevie_sloth

stevie_sloth

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That is a big part for me as well. It sucks that we as a society place it upon ourselfs that we cant be excused from fully participating in life, except when we're physicly (and visibly) ill. Even though i know that's not the case, i still feel like this.
Yes, yes and yes!!! (this is also how I felt when I used to self harm. I was "injured", and even if no one really knew, I felt I had that exemption from having to participate in life).
 
M

Mary26

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I know what you mean. For me i feel like i need the validation it gives me. That my body does what i intented it to do, that i am in control. Even though i know it is not healthy and i am only fooling myself. Maybe this is the same for you? anyway, i hope you stay healthy:hug:
If you think you're in control try eating normal meals and see what the ED has to say about that. It's in control, it's a master manipulator and it's helpful to separate that "voice" from you because it's not you. And it can only live in your head, not in your heart so if you go into your heart that's where the real you lives. xx
 
4LeafClover

4LeafClover

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Nov 13, 2021
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32
Location
Minneapolis Minnesota
I know what you mean. For me i feel like i need the validation it gives me. That my body does what i intented it to do, that i am in control. Even though i know it is not healthy and i am only fooling myself. Maybe this is the same for you? anyway, i hope you stay healthy:hug:
This is exactly on the dot. Just sad that I do it to myself:(
 
4LeafClover

4LeafClover

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Joined
Nov 13, 2021
Messages
32
Location
Minneapolis Minnesota
I remember when I was too distressed, angry, devastated and traumatised to eat, and I lost a whole heap of weight, after a few months when I looked somewhat emaciated, a part of me felt satisfied. I was never hungry. I didn't even feel empty. I just felt numb.

Another part of me felt comforted...I think because if I was "too thin", then I was not ok, so I had a visible excuse not to have any expectations placed on me. It was like I was exempt from having to live in everyday society.
Im sorry you dealt with this. I definitely feel this for sure. In the deepest stage of my anorexia I knew I was too thin for my body, and looking in the mirror it was obvious to me. But I loved the look of my body being emaciated because I felt the most in control.
 
4LeafClover

4LeafClover

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Joined
Nov 13, 2021
Messages
32
Location
Minneapolis Minnesota
If you think you're in control try eating normal meals and see what the ED has to say about that. It's in control, it's a master manipulator and it's helpful to separate that "voice" from you because it's not you. And it can only live in your head, not in your heart so if you go into your heart that's where the real you lives. xx
This.. this is it
 

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