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Was this bullying situation dealt with appropriately?

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emerald_dragon

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Feb 22, 2021
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North America
Hi. I'm a woman in my 30's. I've been thinking about an incident that happened when I was 12. In class, I was at a desk looking at my schoolwork. Then I felt something like a sack go over my head. I was confused, but once the 'sack' was taken off, I realized that a male student had put his gym shorts over my head. My teacher saw this happen and the student got detention.
My parents felt that detention wasn't enough of a punishment for him. My teacher and them decided that he should write a letter of apology to me and do community service. He gave me the letter and it said he was sorry. My parents asked me what made him do this. There was something I said and it wasn't smart of me. Before this incident, I was standing beside him and noticed that his lashes were long and dark. I told him it looked like he was wearing mascara. I think this insulted his masculinity and made him retaliate.
Even after writing the apology letter, he and his friends confronted me. One of them told me that this male student had planted his pubic hair and masturbated in his shorts before putting them over my head so both would make contact with my face and head. I don't know if either action really happened.
I told my mom about the planting of the public hair, and in his words, how he 'jizzed' in his shorts. She told me that the situation had been 'dealt with' since my parents had spoken to my teacher about the first event (his shorts over my head). She didn't speak to the teacher about the comments he made afterwards. I decided that I had enough and asked my mom if I could change schools.
She told me that I wasn't 'weak' and I wouldn't 'run away' from this school after these two incidents.
At this point, I felt pretty bad about myself. I felt that I was humiliated to a point that I just couldn't tolerate being at that school. I feel that the teacher in this situation did all he could do. When it comes to my mom, I'm not sure if it was right of her to dismiss my request of switching to a different school after what happened.

Questions:
1.) Does anyone think that it was fair of me to ask to go to a different school or was it truly 'running away' from a situation that I should have been able to tolerate (staying at the school despite having a person's shorts pulled over my head)?
2.) Was this sexual assault or physical assault?
I would appreciate any feedback. Thank you.
 
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EclipticNight

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Orleans vermont.
Howdy. 36 year old male here who was bullied relentlessly daily till i broke in junior year.

1. Thats not an easy question. In some respect as someone who endured this kind of thing i get why leaving would be good. The problem with bullies then and now is they rule through fear. As a 12 year old girl i get how you must have felt so vulnerable. Its less about letting them win and more about showing they cant scare you. Did they continue to bully you?

2. If he did leave any sperm behind and it touched you its sexual assault. It was deliberate and premeditated. Im not a law expert but it sounds like assault as well since thats an attack. If he touched you at all technically assault but with sexual assault i dont know if they go together as one charge.

You sound like you were a sweet little girl and would not do this but you should have killed off a few more sperm with a swift kick to the nuts.
 
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emerald_dragon

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Thank you for your feedback, EclipticNight. It means a lot because you're the only one who replied :) That boy continued to try to talk to me in sometimes a sarcastic way, but I wouldn't call it bullying. I just feel that after he was disciplined, he shouldn't have been bold enough to talk to me at all. Of course, he was a popular kid, top of the social ladder really, and I was pretty close to the bottom. I'm sure he thought I was sub-human compared to him and that he was still in the superior position.
 
MeAndMyDepression

MeAndMyDepression

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That was battery that he did, not assault:

"Assault and battery exists in both the tort law context and the criminal law context. ... In an act of physical violence, assault refers to the act which causes the victim to apprehend imminent physical harm, while battery refers to the actual act causing the physical harm."

It sounds like sexual battery to me.
 
MeAndMyDepression

MeAndMyDepression

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The main difference between a battery charge and an assault charge is the actual presence of harm and the threat of harm. Someone can only be charged with battery if they have caused real physical harm to someone, while a person can be charged with assault if the mere threat of harm is present.
 
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emerald_dragon

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Feb 22, 2021
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North America
The main difference between a battery charge and an assault charge is the actual presence of harm and the threat of harm. Someone can only be charged with battery if they have caused real physical harm to someone, while a person can be charged with assault if the mere threat of harm is present.
Thank you for being thoughtful enough to post a reply. Having clarification about the definitions of assault and battery help. I feel I had more of a case than I thought, and maybe I should've pursued criminal charges.
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

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Hi Emerald_dragon,
Welcome to the forum
I'm so sorry that happened to you, had I been in your situation I to would have wanted to swap schools.
Kids can be so unkind.
Hope your feeling better.
Hugs
 
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emerald_dragon

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Feb 22, 2021
Messages
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Location
North America
The main difference between a battery charge and an assault charge is the actual presence of harm and the threat of harm. Someone can only be charged with battery if they have caused real physical harm to someone, while a person can be charged with assault if the mere threat of harm is present.
Thanks for clarifying that distinction. I live in Canada, and looked up that law myself too. As a kid, I always thought of what I went was through as a 'bullying' situation, and undermined it because I thought bullying was something most kids went through. Had I known it was assault, I would've taken my situation way more seriously and insisted on more action to be taken from the others around me.
 
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toto

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München
Surely every child has had some experiences in this spirit. I am so glad that the children have grown up and the violence is almost or completely gone. I always recommend a martial arts course in such situations. At least here high school assumes intelligent children who will ignore you at worst.
 

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