• Welcome! It’s great to see you.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

Was she really BPD ? or narcissist ? (long painful story)

P

peufpeuf

New member
Joined
Mar 17, 2021
Messages
4
Location
france
Hello, i will try to summarize my story but it's gonna be a bit long (i hope my english is good enough :p)

I was with a girl for 4y and it wasn't doing great with her, we didnt live together and during quarantine in May i went on an old 3D virtual world game that simulate real life (you can make friends and doing anything there, even having sex or get married).

I went there to talk with some old friend and I met a girl who was really into me (she saw my picture on my profil and she liked me I guess), she was talking to me everyday, all the night spending all her time with me, we had lots of things in common (really a lot, maybe a bit too much it was kinda weird lol so she was probably faking things sometimes but i wasn't aware of it).

She rapidly told me she had feeling for me, but I told her I still have my gf (i told her the truth) she wanted my phone number, I asked her to wait since I'm not single yet. She was kinda upset and told me "I don't want to be a plan B, I want to meet you in real life that's why I come here for you, if you want to stay with your girlfriend i'm gonna leave."
After a few months, I stopped the relationship with my gf and I gave her my phone number... and she told me that she had money issue and lost her phone number, that she is gonna give it to me when she has a new one, I said ok... (she never gave it to me LOL)

We had to meet in real in september, she had an excuses to don't meet me, same in October again another excuse... and she was disappearing all the time for different reason, one time no internet connexion, another time someone died in her family, another time she was sick, she knew I was feeling bad when she was not here but she didn't seem to care about it anymore (before she was sooo into me and soo adorable, but she changed alot).

We had a few arguments because she always had excuse to don't meet me and then poof she left, she ghosted me for one month and half... during this ghosting time, i used google search thing and I saw that her pictures were fake. (she sent me lots of picture of her face and some sexual pictures too).

I sent to her a message and told her I know something about her, but she didn't reply me (she was still ghosting) she came back after 45 days telling me how sorry she was, she said she was trying to forget me etc... And it was very painful for her (pretty sure she faked this), I told her about her fake pictures and she said something like : "yeah i am very sorry i was not myself, i was feeling bad and I wanted to be someone else and I don't like showing myself on internet, but you deserve to see me now, I will show you my picture" she sent me another picture, it was another girl, less beautiful, but still ok looking and I am pretty sure it was still not her on this picture LOL.

We talked like before, she was "into me" again, always talking to me, saying she wanted to meet me in real, she also said she will have a new phone number for Christmas (I didn't ask for it, she said it by herself, but she didn't give it to me even after chritmas, so it was fake, not sure why she talked about it then).

After a month talking, a friend of mine discovered that she "cheated" on me with another guy a few month before, basically while i was feeling bad waiting for her, she was with another guy... I was SO angry at her, basically she said it was when she tried to forget me and she flirted with this guy for a week, I told her she was not a good person etc... (but never insulted her).

She left the game, and stopped replying on discord (yes I also had discord to talk to her), I got scared that she would ghost me again... So I contacted one of her friend on Steam (it's a gaming plateform for people who don't know) So i contacted and guy from her friendlist and told him "hey I know a girl from there, could you tell her to come talking to me please" the guy said ok, and she came back 5mins later.

She seemed so worried that I talked to one of her friend, she asked me "what did you say to him ? How many people did you contact ?? " I told her to calm down that I didn't say anything bad, I just wanted her to come back and it was my only option to reach her.

Then she said I understand, but she changed completely her mind about me (I'm not sure if it was because I got angry at her or because I contacted one of her friend) but she said that she had no feeling for me, that she used to have feeling at the beggining but she was not herself, then when she came back she was simply nostalgic that's why she wanted to get back with me, but that it was better to stay friends now and that we had too much problems and dramas.
I was in shock because a few days before she was really into me and wanted to meet me and I invested so much time and energy, forgave plenty of things, give her many chances... I really didn't know what was happening, anyway she was sure of herself so i accepted the friendship.

My best friend asked me to show him this 3D plateform and wanted to help me with this girl, it's what he did, he talked to her and I don't know what happened but she washed his brain or something like that... but he turned into her, he was always with her, faking being offline to spend time with her etc... and she knows I was feeling bad about it, that's why she was doing it.

I erased this bad friend from my life, he had a wife and a kid, I told him if he continues to talk with her i'm gonna repeat everything to his wife, he got scared and leave.

I tried to spend more time with this girl, i told her that this 3D plateform was toxic and asked her to move on another game, she said OK, i bought to her a game (she didn't ask for it, I did it by myself, she never asked me anything and it was the first thing I bought to her) She played like 2 evenings with me and then she started faking being sick again LOL (she always use the health excuse).

I didn't talk to her for a few days and then she came back saying "hey I have no news from you, you seem really busy :) " I replied it was her, not me, I also told her that she seemed loosing interest a lot again. She replied she was busy with her health and her job, and she said "and I think when you talk to me, you're looking for more than friendship and you know it won't happen, i'm sorry it's not against you "

i replied ok, then we stop here, she said hmm ok, i said i'm gonna miss her, she said "me too but i understand your decision and i respect you, you have always been so nice to me" then she said "goodbye mister."

I didn't talk to her for one month now... i knew her in May, so it has been a long time already, i deleted her maybe 6 times from discord but i always missed her so much this time i try to stay strong and to not reach her. I don't know exactly what she did to me, I don't know what she is too... she is catfishing that's for sure but there is something more about this person. She told me once that she was Borderline, i'm not sure if it's the truth or not, I could believe it, or maybe Bipolar or narcissic (lovebombing => loosing interest => discard) I saw that this stuff exist too on internet + the way she tried to make me feel bad with my friend, but i'm not sure if those kind of people can catfish too, is it compatible ?

I'm also not sure why she said that she had no feelings for me and a few days before she seemed into me so bad, like i said it could be because i got angry at her and told her she was a bad person etc... or maybe because she got scared that i contacted someone from her steam (she has obviously something to hide there, probably talking to other guys i don't know or maybe someone that know her IRL, not sure).

Anyway I am empty as fuck, i have never been empty in my life, i'm a person with a really big heart and i feel really empty now, a friend told me to talk to other girls, it's what i'm trying to do, i'm talking to a woman from my town, she seems nice etc... and she wants to meet me but I feel too empty for that at the moment... And i have many questions in my head and i'm ruminating alot...

I'm wondering if this person will come back in my life ? i feel i hate her and i miss her at the same time i don't know why! i wish i could make her change and help her, i don't care much about the catfishing stuff because i liked her personnality when she was "good" lol. But i know at the same time that i did the right thing to leave... she obviously wasn't interested anymore so...

thanks for reading me ^^
 
MoonShapedPool

MoonShapedPool

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Feb 1, 2021
Messages
2,472
Location
Lancashire
Hey..I use Steam too 🙂
Pretty hard to know what is up with her 🤷 She sounds a bit
Bi Polar to me maybe..Definitely agree Narcissistic tendencies (NPD)
You never actually met her & she's done nothing but lie to you & mess you around!
I get how you got attached to her, but it was all a big Ego trip for her it seems.
I would try & let go & move on.
Meet the other Girl & take it slow 👌
Good Luck 🍀
 
J

JeanPierre

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 4, 2021
Messages
2,088
Location
Southern USA
Hi,
This will never end well.
No one needs passive aggressive people in their life.
Are you sure this was even the same person?
My first feeling is you were being scammed or being set up to be scammed.
I'm glad you are here. ✌
 
P

peufpeuf

New member
Joined
Mar 17, 2021
Messages
4
Location
france
Hey..I use Steam too 🙂
Pretty hard to know what is up with her 🤷 She sounds a bit
Bi Polar to me maybe..Definitely agree Narcissistic tendencies (NPD)
You never actually met her & she's done nothing but lie to you & mess you around!
I get how you got attached to her, but it was all a big Ego trip for her it seems.
I would try & let go & move on.
Meet the other Girl & take it slow 👌
Good Luck 🍀
Hey, thanks for your reply! yeah she told me also lots of things about her life when she was a kid, how bad she was treated, lots of stuff to make me pity her and want to "help" her, it's what narc do as i know too, she often said to me that she was hurting herself too (scarification). Honestly, i don't know what was real or what was fake in all of this... I really don't know why i'm attached a lot to this person because like you said, all she did was messing with me... after one month of no contact i still think about her... I'm already proud i didn't try to get back in touch with her yet... I remember when i told her i wanted to leave a week before i actually left, she said : "i hope you won't regret it :)". She knew i liked her too much lol

I think i am an empath person, i pity people really easily and want to help them when i love them, i just can't let go... And i forgive everything (forgave her faking picture, forgave her ghosting me, forgave her plenty of lies) i have always been like this with all of my girlfriends (my very first girlfriend had sex with many old people to have money in my back and i forgave her lol) and i also have a fear of abandonment and i think i am the perfect person for those kind of people, it's easy to play with me and i know it, i'm trying to change but...


Hi,
This will never end well.
No one needs passive aggressive people in their life.
Are you sure this was even the same person?
My first feeling is you were being scammed or being set up to be scammed.
I'm glad you are here. ✌
Thanks for your reply too ! I am pretty sure it was always the same person yeah, she seemed to remember stuffs all the time of what i told her and what she told me etc... She also used voice often in this game, she used also voice on discord. She was doing dirty stuff on voice sometimes too...I didn't even ask for it but she was doing it.. Scammed you mean asking for money ? i don't think so because she really never asked anything to me, i knew her since May... she spent mostly all her life talking to me for many months and i was doing the same... The only difference between me and her is that i was saying only real things about my life and she probably made up lots of things to make me like her and pity her. It makes me feel i have been raped... Like i said i should hate her, and i kinda hate her in a way, but my issue is that i miss her at the same time, i really don't know why.
 
MoonShapedPool

MoonShapedPool

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Feb 1, 2021
Messages
2,472
Location
Lancashire
You sound a lot like me!I was in Love (still am a bit) with my BPD ex,
and I became Co-Dependant.You definitely seem to have that too.
I am also an Empath & I do trust too Easily & get hurt/rejected a lot.
You have to kinda keep the no contact with her,& work on yourself,
like I am having to 🙂 Work out why you are dependant & crave the attention
off this Girl - good or bad attention is still attention right?
You are doing great,not contacting her.Keep it up & I don't rush
in with the other Girl,until you feel you are over the other one!
I know how it feels & it hurts!And it's frustrating!
You already know she is bad,so just work on your own self-Esteem & try to move on 👌
 
P

peufpeuf

New member
Joined
Mar 17, 2021
Messages
4
Location
france
Yeah being Empath and Co-dependant is probably the worst thing, it's what make us feel bad and add difficulties to move on...

Yes I will keep the no contact for sure, I do it for myself-esteem because I feel I lost it with this girl she kept lying to me and I was still running at her, honestly I really don't know why... And I never hurted that much in real relationship, it was always difficult for me, but not like this ! I don't know why I am like this because i never met her in person, I don't even know how she looks because i'm pretty sure that her second pictures was also fake lol

Someone told me it could be worse because I fall in love with the "idea of her", and because I never met her my brain idealise her. And because she rejected me at the end, I put her on a pedestal something like that. it's what we tend to do when someone doesn't want us anymore, we tend to think that this person is perfect for us and it was a big loss.

I am also guilty for one thing, that I contacted one of her friend on Steam... She said it was scary... But well, she never gave me her number phone, no social media, nothing to contact her, I was just scared that she would ghost me again... but I really didn't say anything to this friend, I just said if he could let her know that I want to talk to her. She immediately put everything on private to hide everything on her steam account lol
 
MoonShapedPool

MoonShapedPool

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Feb 1, 2021
Messages
2,472
Location
Lancashire
Well just goes to show how shady she is!!!
A few months of you going totally no contact
if she tries to "pull" you back,that would be a BPD sign 😉
Have you heard of the "Grey Rock" method?
Basically,going stone cold on them..
The worst thing you can do to a Narc?
Cut off their supply 🪓 👌

 
J

JeanPierre

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 4, 2021
Messages
2,088
Location
Southern USA
Yeah being Empath and Co-dependant is probably the worst thing, it's what make us feel bad and add difficulties to move on...

Yes I will keep the no contact for sure, I do it for myself-esteem because I feel I lost it with this girl she kept lying to me and I was still running at her, honestly I really don't know why... And I never hurted that much in real relationship, it was always difficult for me, but not like this ! I don't know why I am like this because i never met her in person, I don't even know how she looks because i'm pretty sure that her second pictures was also fake lol

Someone told me it could be worse because I fall in love with the "idea of her", and because I never met her my brain idealise her. And because she rejected me at the end, I put her on a pedestal something like that. it's what we tend to do when someone doesn't want us anymore, we tend to think that this person is perfect for us and it was a big loss.

I am also guilty for one thing, that I contacted one of her friend on Steam... She said it was scary... But well, she never gave me her number phone, no social media, nothing to contact her, I was just scared that she would ghost me again... but I really didn't say anything to this friend, I just said if he could let her know that I want to talk to her. She immediately put everything on private to hide everything on her steam account lol
You are a wonderful Man. You did nothing wrong.
Things will get easier for you. Keeping the empath part of you safe as you go on in life.
Best luck! ✌
 
P

peufpeuf

New member
Joined
Mar 17, 2021
Messages
4
Location
france
Well just goes to show how shady she is!!!
A few months of you going totally no contact
if she tries to "pull" you back,that would be a BPD sign 😉
Have you heard of the "Grey Rock" method?
Basically,going stone cold on them..
The worst thing you can do to a Narc?
Cut off their supply 🪓 👌

Yeah she did that already one time came back after 45 days, i begged and pleaded her back but she didn't care of my messages, she didn't delete me on discord, she simply ghosted and then came back by herself while another girl was trying to approach me. She probably saw it and that's why she came back talking to me.

But this time it's me the one who left and i deleted her, i didn't beg or plead i did my best to be a man and be strong eventhough i was crying, but she didn't know that.

I will see anyway but I will do my best to stay strong and don't get back in that toxic stuff I know i will never meet her in real life so... I lost 16 lbs because of her i wasn't able to eat, i wanted to puke all the time, couldn't sleep too and i'm feeling slowly better after this month of no contact. I miss her but I know that she will never be good to me.

I knew about the "cutting off supply" but didn't know about the "grey rock" method, I watched the video and it's interesting, by the way this channel seems very good too, lots of interesting content.

I watched already TONS of video about BPD and NPD and i saw a french guy who got a NPD girlfriend who was playing with guys on internet, and he said everything that happened to me, they do everything to make you love them, they try to make you pity them, they say that you are the one for them, they make you feel you are different and you can save them, they want to meet you, they are a lot into sexuality too and once they feel you are into them for good they change, they leave and come back then leave (while they are not with you they're seducing other people online). The only difference is that his girlfriend wasn't a catfish. But i guess NPD or BPD could be also catfish...

You are a wonderful Man. You did nothing wrong.
Things will get easier for you. Keeping the empath part of you safe as you go on in life.
Best luck! ✌
Thank you very much JeanPierre, it's difficult sometimes because those kind of people never say the truth, it makes me questionning a lot about myself and rummining all the time, what did i do wrong etc... I will do my best to don't change too much, i just feel empty at the moment like i said, but i will recover ! thanks again !
 
Similar threads
Thread starter Title Forum Replies Date
L Are BPD relationships rushed? Was mine? Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 1
Wonder_land99 My relationship is over and I think it was my fault Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 11
M I think depression was masking my BPD Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 9
2 Yesterday I was a surfer girl, today Susan Delfino Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 6
Wish4TheNight I think I was misdiagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 2
W Break up, I have bpd (suspected) Im struggling was it all me? Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 2
EarthChild Felt suicide was best solution but... Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 3
V Not BPD related but my best friend was PTS today 💔 Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 12
D Wish I was “normal” Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 3
EarthChild I was so stupid to tell my sister in law that i want to leave my husband Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 7
wraziel I was chosen for a job interview but... Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 6
O Was an excrutiatingly brutal re-occuring 'nightmare on steroids' my first introduction to mr bpd Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 4
LittleMissNameless Maybe this was a bad idea Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 4
L Thought i was doing ok but im not Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 5
soulsearcher Feeling really down Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 13
soulsearcher saw this and it really made me think about myself and other bpd sufferers Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 14
Fairy Lucretia really bad day Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 5
T Bpd outburst last night really bad and now I feel terrible Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 26
I I really need someone to calm me down. Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 9
M Relationships when you have borderline personality disorder. Are you really polyamorous/ENM or is it just the borderline personality disorder? Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 13
Fairy Lucretia really worried Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 4
D Feeling like no one really cares Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 6
Halle29 Really struggling (also confused about diagnosis) Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 12
M I really had no idea Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 4
Fairy Lucretia im trying really hard x Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 10
M She’s really gone..... Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 19
L Really struggling at the moment Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 19
Fairy Lucretia really ,im lucky x Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 1
B really struggling at min and my sleep shows it Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 8
S Really struggling - want to disappear Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 10
Fairy Lucretia feeling really low again x Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 12
C A bit of my story (it really is the short version) Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 3
Fairy Lucretia feeling really low x Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 11
D I haven't slept all night and I feel really anxious, is anyone there? Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 7
almostordinary My best friend really hurt me Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 23
J Hello . Just joined. Wondering if anyone else feels they will never beat BPD? Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 6
M Is it possible to live without medication EVEN WITH BPD?? Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 13
G BPD traits? Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 4
babyblue22 BPD life ❤️ Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 1
D Are these NPD or BPD thoughts Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 4
B Not sure about BPD Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 29
2 Decades of living with BPD...but there is hope ahead Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 10
M BPD and Anxiety Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 2
TheEmperorsChampion BPD and Conflict Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 4
C Help my sister has BPD Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 2
T Just diagnosed with BPD and struggling to cope on a daily basis Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 1
L Do BPD relationships have to follow the cycle frequently? Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 1
L I can’t handle my BPD anymore Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 3
D Am I a weird case of BPD or do I have NPD as well. Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 1
L Can someone have quiet BPD, but it doesnt show up in the relationship until something traumatic occurs? Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 4

Similar threads

Top