Was my husband's behaviour out of order (bad neighbours - please read)? I am feeling anxious.

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Moise1970

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#1
Hello everyone,

I really need some people's opinions on what has recently happened. This post is going to be quite long, so please bare with me and tell me your opinions. Thanks in advance.

My husband and I have lived in the same house for over ten years and have only had three different neighbours (including the problem ones now) and the last two were really nice people, the same cannot be said for the new couple who moved in about two months ago.

Problems started straightaway. We were introduced (if you can even call it that) by hearing them having sex and the woman screaming and making ridiculously fake noises at around midnight. It was the first time we had ever heard such a thing and it woke us both up and my husband looked very angry. In the end, we both wore earplugs and went to bed. In the morning, my husband looked very much sleep deprived of sleep and agitated, I told him to have a good day at work and he kissed me goodbye, but I could tell that he knew things were going to get worse.

The following day, I met my husband at his workplace, we went shopping and went home. Before we had even gone into our house we could hear their TV from outside of their house and my husband just looked at me with the expression of "not this again!" My husband and I went to the other room and could still hear their TV, my husband was starting to get really agitated so he suggested we go somewhere in the car until it was later on in the evening and perhaps naively thinking that they would turn it down when it was the evening. How wrong were we! All night we could hear them.

My husband works at least ten hours every day and needs his sleep, especially because his job is very tough.

We quickly worked the idiots out, they sleep all day until about tea-time and stay up all night listening to their TV, shouting and swearing at each other, we can hear the guy coughing constantly (we suspect because of drugs). So basically, we believe that neither works and both just spend their days sleeping and staying awake at night without any regards for anyone else. We have not seen them in person to talk to, but only from a distance.

We keep ourselves to ourselves, but we know all of the locals and a few have asked us "are your new neighbours okay?" and when we have explained they all told us to complain. So, we contacted the landlord and were told to simply make a log of things. What use is that exactly?

The final straw was when we were asleep and could hear them having sex again, my husband got out of bed, punched the wall a few times which caused his knuckles to start bleeding, called them every name under the sun, put his clothes on and slammed our front door and knocked on their door, no-one answered and he then came back home and shouted that it must be lucky for some people to sleep all day but he needs sleep for work, etc. He phoned the police and filed a complaint, but after the police went they just continued to have their TV on full volume.

After that incident my husband told me that he is going to fight fire with fire. He took a day off from work and once he knew they were asleep (about 10 am) he put his very loud speakers against the wall and played Culture Club's Karma Chameleon on repeat until about 11 pm. He slams the door before he leaves for work. He finds it unpleasant doing such things, but he doesn't want them to be able to get away with what they are doing to us. Everyone makes general noise, but we shouldn't be hearing their TV through our wall at midnight, hearing them having sex, shouting at each other constantly, etc.

He is the most sweetest man you could ever meet, but he told me that enough is enough and that he's not going to let the idiots ruin our lives. He basically asked me, "Why should we suffer because of those morons?"

I mentioned what happened to our family, his family and the local residents and they are all on his side. What do you think?

We have contacted the landlord a few more times and keep being told to make a log of the events. We have been to the anti-social place in our area and it is being investigated. What else can we do?
 
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M

Moise1970

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#2
The whole situation is making me feel on tenterhooks all of the time because I don't want my husband to end up fighting with the guy. They are affecting his mental health, he always looks upset, angry, agitated, fed up, etc. We can't relax in our own home.

The people are not the type who are interested in talking and having a reasonable discussion, in my opinion they are chavs and sponge off the state and make everyone else's lives a misery.

My husband's friend was over ours the other day when we were trying to watch a football match and we could only hear their TV and loud talking and he turned around to my husband and said, "Mate, I hope you're not going to put up with that forever!"

We are decent people, we both work hard, keep ourselves to ourselves, don't cause any trouble and just want people to treat us how we want to treat them, but unfortunately we have ended up with a couple who are nothing but trouble.

I've tried talking to my husband and told him that we are going to take the legal route and it may take time, but he has told me that he's not going to allow our lives to be like hell for a few months.

My husband has been close to tears because of the situation because we have worked our whole lives and our home is bought and is in a really nice area; he's even talked about moving home, it is that bad.

Please help.
 
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gam9147

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#3
hi,

I'm sorry to hear about this situation and definitely understandable that you guys would be anxious. Your husband is obviously very angry about it too which is natural.

I don't know how the laws work in the UK, but in the US if you just keep calling the police the fact that they keep having to come out causes them (the police) to get agitated and put pressure on the neighbors. It's a bad situation but if nothing else works that seems the best bet. Again the US there are noise ordinances after certain times, so you just keep calling and reporting them and that way there is also a record.

I am hoping for you that it works similarly in the UK.
 
M

Moise1970

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#5
We went to a local park earlier and had a nice time and then we turned to go into our drive and we could hear their TV from at the end of our drive. Their windows were open so we heard word for word quite easily. We both said, "Here we go again." It's a living nightmare.

It's like we are prisoners in our home, I don't see why we should have to use earplugs or alter our ways of life to benefit those idiots. My husband has a really big project coming up where he works and he needs to get a decent night's sleep on a regular basis, but instead we are both kept up and only managing to get a few hours sleep tossing and turning all night, if we are lucky. I really don't know how much more either of us can take with this nonsense.

I'm off work tomorrow so I'm going to go back down to the anti-social place. I have recordings of the ridiculous noise coming from next door.

Once upon a time we used to love going home and spending the night on the sofa, relaxing and watching a film. These days we are just hearing a constant racket from next door and it's really affecting our lives. It doesn't matter what room we are in, we can hear them constantly.

My husband is not an aggressive man, but he really has had enough and I can tell that it's making him extremely angry. We have been married for many years and I had never seen him punch a wall the way he did.

They don't look approachable so I don't think it's worth trying to talk to them about it, I strongly suspect we would get told to... They are the type who are best to avoid at all costs.

The police only temporarily solve the problem and going down the route of anti-social is going to take a while. This is all wrong. We are decent people and are considerate of our neighbours, but we are not receiving the same treatment from our new neighbours.

I want to make it clear that we are not expecting total silence, our last neighbours occasionally made noise (the man was a big football fan), but we never heard anything in the bedroom or a loud TV ever. Everyone makes noise, but then there is taking the biscuit.

We live normal lives and want to go to bed around 11 pm to get up the next day to go to work, unfortunately we have been lumped with who we believe to be unemployed people who are maybe not looking for work and are using benefits as a way of living and live a somewhat nocturnal life. We have nothing against people who are unemployed who are actively seeking work, but the benefits system is not supposed to be a way of life. I can totally sympathise with my husband when he's angry that he is going to work without hardly any sleep because of them and they are then going to bed when he is leaving to go to work.

Even people living in apartments or really old flats are generally considerate of their neighbours. I have friends who live in Victorian style flats and although they can occasionally hear their neighbours during the day, they don't hear anything at night.

Has anyone else suffered from this sort of crap? It's beyond a joke. If so, how did you get it sorted and how long did it take you?
 
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Mayflower7

Mayflower7

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#6
Hi,
I'm so sorry for what you are going thru, I wouldn't do it back to them. As they could complain.
Do keep a log and any evidence and send to the landlord/police.
I have terrible neighbours, I know how horrible it is being in that situation.
Welcome to the forum
Hope you get some peace very soon.
Take care
 
L

Lunar Lady

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#7
Hello Moise

It sounds like you are probably living in a terraced or semi-detached - the walls are not thick. I very much doubt your neighbours are engaging in sex just to irritate you.

Possibly they might not be able to work.

I sent a nicely worded card to a neighbour once, explaining that his television was disturbing me at night. He knocked the door and apologised - he was hard of hearing and had no idea it was so loud.

Can you put your bed against a different wall or swap bedroom so you're not party to their bedroom antics? Go to sleep with some ambient, relaxing music playing low?

I have posted a link that might help you:

https://asbhelp.co.uk/noisy-neighbo...1JUmu4pEwqnK4RaYvRKxf1AmSdZamukoaAhkyEALw_wcB

They may be vulnerable people. They might not have any frame of reference for normal or considerate behaviour because their own lives have been so sadly lacking.

I hope it can all be resolved amicably so both families can live comfortably.
 
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blacksmoke

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#8
we contacted the landlord and were told to simply make a log of things. What use is that exactly?
you have to build up evidence and the reason being is that if it ends up going to court that will be used as evidence so the landlord and the police are correct to advise you to do this

Has anyone else suffered from this sort of crap? It's beyond a joke. If so, how did you get it sorted and how long did it take you?
yes i did and it lasted 5 years and was complex as it involved a big group of people being anti social and another neighbour who had serious mental illness who was at times a danger to herself and others. the police were often called and at times they had to wearing protective clothing. it got so bad that the cat i had at the time stopped going outside!

i went to court twice over it and each time at the last minute literally i wasnt called to give evidence.
so yeah as Mayflower says
I'm so sorry for what you are going thru, I wouldn't do it back to them. As they could complain.
Do keep a log and any evidence and send to the landlord/police.
cos if you do you null and void your position. then you are really lost then
 
write

write

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#9
Agree with Lunar and Blacksmoke, if you retaliate you are only adding to your problem. Keeping a log is providing evidence for any court proceedings. Had issues with noise and ASB where I live for several years. It is ongoing. Very stressful. There are a lot of people living in desperation. We all deal with it differently. I am scared and triggered where I am. I cannot and will not retaliate, it would not help.
 
M

Moise1970

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#10
It sounds like you are probably living in a terraced or semi-detached - the walls are not thick. I very much doubt your neighbours are engaging in sex just to irritate you.
It's semi-detached and the walls are well and truly soundproofed; my husband got the whole place soundproofed a few months after we moved here. We never heard a peep from any of our neighbours in the past, including young people and old people - even when the young people had their friends around, we heard nothing at night.

How do you know??? A person has to come from another planet to think that their neighbours aren't going to hear noises at a ridiculous level when it is after midnight and playing their TV on full volume - we are not hearing a slight muffled sound, we are hearing every single word at 2 am.

Possibly they might not be able to work.
We have seen them, in our opinion they are quite capable of working. How else would you describe people who sleep all day and just laze around during the night whilst causing havoc for everyone else? As I said before, they look like junkies.

I sent a nicely worded card to a neighbour once, explaining that his television was disturbing me at night. He knocked the door and apologised - he was hard of hearing and had no idea it was so loud.
Lucky for some, we are in a different situation.

Can you put your bed against a different wall or swap bedroom so you're not party to their bedroom antics? Go to sleep with some ambient, relaxing music playing low?

I have posted a link that might help you:

https://asbhelp.co.uk/noisy-neighbo...1JUmu4pEwqnK4RaYvRKxf1AmSdZamukoaAhkyEALw_wcB
We can hear them in every single room because they TV must be on at least volume 80! It would be a waste of time.

Despite your good intentions, we don't want to change our lives to suit their needs. There is no rational reasoning why we should have to adapt to their way of living.

They may be vulnerable people. They might not have any frame of reference for normal or considerate behaviour because their own lives have been so sadly lacking.
They are in their 20s and are taking the piss out of us by blasting music and having very loud sex. Why are you trying to make out like we are at fault and should sympathise with the bastards? They are making our lives HELL.

Are you seriously suggesting we should feel sorry for them?

I hope it can all be resolved amicably so both families can live comfortably.
There are laws against making loud noise after 11 pm and we are hearing them 24/7 when they are awake and we are in our own home.

The problem will be resolved once they move.
 
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Moise1970

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#11
you have to build up evidence and the reason being is that if it ends up going to court that will be used as evidence so the landlord and the police are correct to advise you to do this
We have been recording the noise and keeping logs on a daily basis.

Agree with Lunar and Blacksmoke, if you retaliate you are only adding to your problem. Keeping a log is providing evidence for any court proceedings. Had issues with noise and ASB where I live for several years. It is ongoing. Very stressful. There are a lot of people living in desperation. We all deal with it differently. I am scared and triggered where I am. I cannot and will not retaliate, it would not help.
My husband is at the end of his tether, we bought this home and thought we were going to live here forever, unfortunately we have been lumped with a pair of twats living next to us.

We do all deal with things differently, I have shouted plenty of times "SHUT UP", but to no avail. It's not rocket science if you are playing music loudly and you hear your neighbour banging then it is too loud. In a nutshell, our neighbours don't care about us at all.
 
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Moise1970

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#12
Possibly they might not be able to work.
I want to respond to this again.

In our opinion, they are capable of working, they don’t appear to be disabled or have any clear problems stopping them from working. On the contrary, we have heard them talking about when they get their benefits so they can buy alcohol. We're almost certain they are taking drugs too.

They are an absolute mess. I'll never understand why their landlord (housing association) allowed them to live next to us. Decent hard-working people suffering because of lazy bastards who take the piss. Everyone wishes to have that life! EH?

So, enough of this "they might not be able to work" nonsense, we believe at they are quite capable of working, but unfortunately the system allows people like them to live a comfortable life living off the state and at the same time making hard-working people suffer. It's all wrong.
 
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Moise1970

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#13
We are expecting peace and quiet (common decency), not to be friends with them.

There is a clear difference between having sex and then having sex when it’s really late and making lots of noise (clearly fake noises). Similarly, there is a clear difference between watching the TV and watching the TV with the volume so loud that your neighbours can hear every single word of what you are watching.
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

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#14
Are they renting or do they own where they live?

Reason for asking is if they are renting then maybe they can get evicted? If they own the house they can't get kicked out as far as I know.
 
schizolanza

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#15
I had years of it. They even burgled me. It all stopped when I climbed onto my roof and threatened to throw myself. I was sectioned.
 
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Moise1970

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#16
Are they renting or do they own where they live?

Reason for asking is if they are renting then maybe they can get evicted? If they own the house they can't get kicked out as far as I know.
Our house is bought, next door is rented. We have no idea why their landlord (housing association) allowed such people to move here. Where we live is a somewhat quiet area and everyone knows everyone, since they have moved in it has just been absolute hell.

We hardly had any sleep last night, dance music on all night, banging doors and yelling at the top of their voices! We are sleep deprived.

My husband tried to knock on their front door before he left to go to work this morning. Guess what? The music was so loud that they probably didn’t hear it because no-one answered.

I have several recordings that were taken at different times last night and in about thirty minutes I’ll be going to the anti-social place. The problem needs to be solved, we cannot go on like this and I don’t see why we should be forced out of our lovely home where we have lived for years.
 
schizolanza

schizolanza

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#17
Mouse calm down. You're ranting. Slow down. You're in a shit situation and stressed to the max.
 
M

Moise1970

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#19
I had years of it. They even burgled me. It all stopped when I climbed onto my roof and threatened to throw myself. I was sectioned.
Could you elaborate on what you had to put up with and what was the outcome? Thanks.
 

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