Was I sexually assaulted?

[Carebear2010]

A few days ago, a close friend I've known for a few years invited me over to his house. He wanted to know about my sexual history and other stuff about sex so I told him. Then he goes on about how guys want a woman that's confident in bed. I should of read between the lines in the message he sent me online and not gone over to his house.

I'm sure naive for being 30 and he knew that I'd give in whatever he told me to do because I liked him a lot as a friend.

We go inside, he gives me a front to front hug and says it between me and him only. Then I follow him into his room. He tells me to "get naked" Then I was like I didn't feel right about it because he's getting married to my best friend I've known since we were kids. He pressures me and talks me into it then guides me what to do. Then the "act" was somewhat painful and I told him to stop and he wouldn't right away and told me it's supposed to hurt.

After that I got dressed and he tells me to leave.

From the time I was there until I left it lasted like an hour and a half. I was in shock and still am that he would have me do something like that. Last night I was upset about and couldn't sleep. If my best friend ever finds out it wil break her heart and she'll probably hate me for life.

I want to confront him for what he did to me

 

[rasselas]

...

No means no. Stop means stop. But without knowing the finer details I can't make a judgement call. This man doesn't sound too savoury the way you've depicted him so I'd be very cautious about a confrontation. I'd consider consulting first with a rape crisis support group in your area. They are non-judgemental, supportive and will be much better placed to advise and help you.

I wish you the best.

 

[memyself and b]

well in my book if you say stop and he dosent then its assault, my ex did the same sort of thing to me and i say he assaulted me,, my heart goes out to you, i didnt say anything to anyone as i was married to the scum but it affected me later on in life so my advice to you is speak to someone

 

[Astrid]

Your post gave me the chills. I experienced something very similar several years ago. For years I was really upset about it, crying and having panic attacks whenever I thought about it and having weird nightmares about the guy (I think it was basically PTSD). But over the last year or two I just decided I was not going to let it ruin my life any more and have somehow managed to force myself to stop dwelling on it. I think it just sort of exhausted me emotionally, I have very few feelings left about it.
Unfortunately the lines seem very blurry about what "is" or "isn't" assault when it's someone you know. I think this is what has haunted me the most, constantly wondering... was it was my own fault? or did he plan it?
To me, if you feel assaulted, then you were. At the very least what your "friend" did was very wrong, you should definitely confront him about his actions. I wish I had when I had the chance.

 

[maudikie]

maudikie.

Keep away from this man. Consult your ape team if there is one in your area.
If he calls at your place don't let him in. Take a pregnancy test which you can do yourself.

 

[Blondie]

Oooooo Psychological predator.He plays with your emotions because he knows your easily persuaded under pressure.Nasty piece of work hun.Firstly you do need to speak to a rape crisis team.Secondly you really cannot let your friend marry this man.You may not be the first and most certainly not be the last.Yes you may lose a friendship but she will go through a lot more pain if she marries this guy and has kids.You could stop that now and she may hate you but will love again in years to come.There is a number on here to call for a chat for free./rasasc.bizview.co.uk/

 

[LilMissLost]

Wow sounds like my experience too, mine was when i was away on holiday, my friend met a guy he wanted her to go back to his, his creepy mate kept making advances on me and against my better judgement i went into his spare room because he said i could go to sleep and hadnt slept at all for 5 days and didnt fancy the thought of waiting outside alone or walking home in a foreign country. At first all he wanted was a kiss on the cheek and then he said i could sleep, i woke up to him not raping me but doing sumthing i didnt want him to be doing, got back from holiday told my ex who i since found out didnt believe me, and he went on to do exactly the same thing and worse when i had already said no. I couldnt stand him touching me after that, then i found out i was pregnant so gave him a second chance but it never went away so thats why i finished it.

Just wanted you to realise that if you didnt think it was right then get some help hun, im going to ask for counselling now probably 10 years too late but the sooner you get some help the better, hope you are ok and my heart goes out to you

 

[Blondie]

Hey Carebear,how you doing hun?