Wanting attention in strange circumstances

[Pffft]

Hello. So I am very nervous and embarrassed by this and its taken me many years to admit to it. Nevermind contemplate letting it out of my head and writing it down.

I will give a little back info which may be relevant. I have suffered with childhood emotional neglect and I always felt my parents weren't there for me on far too many occasions when all I needed was love and affection and comforted.

So ever since I was about 15/16 when I was at school I used to have thoughts of going to save someone and getting hurt in the process and then one of my favourite teachers coming and helping me.

The teachers were all female and it wasn't in a sexual way. I always felt like my dad and brother didn't show me any emotional support and in fact made me feel like I shouldn't talk about my feelings. I do find it hard to talk to men in general (sorry to all the men out there, this is nothing personal and I know my dad and brother don't represent the entire male population).

I also felt like I wanted hugs from certain teachers. Again they were female. I didn't ever act on these feelings but I did like that I could talk and build a good relationship with them.

Any help, insight, personal experience or general comments would be greatly appreciated.
TIA

 

[Sallyann]

Hi there. Personally, I don’t think this sounds at all as strange as you think. When you feel you are deprived of affection, love and emotional support you end up looking for it in other ways. You end up almost craving it and I can imagine it can be lonely. I’m sorry you didn’t receive the support you needed from your family growing up, trust me you’re not alone in this. If you look closely, you’d find there are many people around you who feel the same way. The ones who seem to be ‘attention seekers’, the ones who are constantly seeking approval from others etc. Don’t overthink it too much. Someday you’ll find people who truly see you.

 

[Pffft]

Thank you Annaloo, I really appreciate your reply. I wish everyone was so compassionate and validating because it would make it so much easier to talk about. I didn't think of it that way, in how others are. Although it seems a bit obvious since you pointed it out. I don't know what to do or where this admission goes.

I told my therapist about the hug thing and one of the things he said was 'we aren't going to hug'. It really hurt me and I felt it was very insensitive. The ironic thing is, is that even if he offered me a hug I would have said no. I know he wouldn't of as he is professional but you get my point.