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want to tell my story about my severe depression

B

Big Boar

Active member
Joined
Feb 11, 2017
Messages
29
hello, im 27 years old and i live in philippines. my depression started to become worst about 2 years ago, i had a check up and i was diagnosed with severe depression. the doctor prescribed me with escitalopram and resperidone, since then i take the anti-depressant twice a day and resperidone every night. it was... i think it was the most painful i experienced in my lifetime. i used to be very happy and content person, i have so many memorable and happy things i experienced, mostly on video games. 90's games and the early 21st century games are very good, even though my entire school life from the start is horrendous i can still say i have a vert happy life that makes grateful that i was born. then... it think its on 2010, i started to feel.. that somethings not right. can't describe it but i really don't like the feeling. its like i feel bored, not enjoying anything, feeling sad, i don't enjoy any of the newer games, and the world feels... no longer habitable to me. its like the world change. before the world feels alive but now its like become plain dead?.. or boring? nothing interests me, its like the world is telling me that i shouldn't be here. then it becomes worst on 2014 i also feels extremely inferior to others as if i condemn my self. during work i feel uncomfortable to other people and i keep silent all the time except when asking me. it makes me look odd and different to others. there are times of thinking killing my self and when i imagined that i eduring pain as i trying to kill my self i immediatly cried hard. so this is my story. nowadays i think i feel a bit better but only on daytime i still feel depressed on night time, i cannot say i recovered but at least its not hell like 2 years ago. i feel like disabled now just like someone looses an arm and cannot regrow, i don't feel like i can recover my old healthy minded me. my doctor told me to stop taking the meds when i feel better, but im afraid. it might come back should i stop taking them now? thank you
 
A

aleksandra12345

Member
Joined
Feb 12, 2017
Messages
7
It's really good that you sought help. Recovering from depression will be a long journey but it will be worth it, I've only just started my journey to recovery but I'm hopeful that all the help I've received will benefit me soon. I wouldn't stop taking the anti depressants just yet ,it could be a while maybe even a few months before you see a difference but if they have no effect you can talk to a doctor and they can put you on different medication.Losing interest in your hobbies is a normal part of the depression and once you start to get better your interest will come back. Maybe you can try exercising as lots of doctors recommend exercise to help with depression and it might give you a boost. You're not inferior to others and I'm sure they don't think you're odd where you work, that's just the depression tricking your brain and telling you that you're worthless when you're not and you do have value. I'm really sorry you feel like this , is there anyone you can talk to?
 
B

Big Boar

Active member
Joined
Feb 11, 2017
Messages
29
only my mother and father i can talk too. they help but they don't understand the feeling of depression
 
freshstart2016

freshstart2016

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 18, 2016
Messages
158
Location
UK
I echo what aleksandra12345 said. The negative side of depression is the low thoughts and low self esteem that goes with it.

Keep talking to us as we are here to listen.
 
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