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Poppyflower

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I am at work and my colleague just said I'm 'getting big' and now I just want to die. Thing is, I'm smaller than I was when doctors etc first started expressing concern about my weight, so logically I know I'm still underweight but I feel huge and I want to die. Time to cut back even more I think :-(
 
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Helena1

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omg. what a twat. i am sure you are not 'getting big' as like you say you are underweight so you can't be. god some people are so stupid to say stuff like that. please don't listen to them and cut back as you are hurting yourself. :hug:
 
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Poppyflower

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In her defence she doesn't know I have an eating disorder. She also doesn't have the best English so it might not have come out right! But I wish people didn't comment on my weight and eating habits all the time. I have been feeling so fat recently and she has just confirmed my fears.
 
Toasted Crumpet

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Imo it is very rude to be commenting on someone's eating/size regardless of whether you know if someone has an ED or not. Maybe she is from a different culture where it is acceptable I don't know.

Please try not to let your ED use an ignorant comment to get back in charge. You are not fat, I know you feel that way, but you said you're underweight so you can't be. I dunno why she said what she did, but don't let the ED win xx
 
catkin

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some people are insensitive, some are ignorant, some are both. Am sorry this happened.
I agree it's not OK to comment on anyones' size or eating, ED or not.
I AM fat, morbidly obese. I also have an ED. Whatever our size it hurts when others have no idea of the hell of EDs. x
 
Toasted Crumpet

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some people are insensitive, some are ignorant, some are both. Am sorry this happened.
I agree it's not OK to comment on anyones' size or eating, ED or not.
I AM fat, morbidly obese. I also have an ED. Whatever our size it hurts when others have no idea of the hell of EDs. x
sorry Catkin. I didn't mean it would be ok to say that if someone is overweight :sorry:
 
coldwater00

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Very insensitive of your colleague to say something like that. Try your very best not to let it get to you, I know how you feel. I was always worrying about people noticing I'd put on weight when I was anorexic but mostly I got other rude comments like "You look like a spatula", "lanky bitch" etc etc. Sorry, I'm probably making things worse now so I will shut up.
 
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Poppyflower

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I am worried my scales are broken or something. I thought I was only about half a pound over my acceptable highest weight but perhaps it is more? I am so scared it is more. I'm seeing my GP on Monday so maybe he will let me use his scales, which I assume will be accurate? I am terrified my weight is higher than I thought it was though.

I am so, so sick of people thinking it is okay to comment on my weight, and body shape and eating habits and what I eat. But I know this lady would be so upset if she knew how much of an impact her comment had on me. Some people just don't THINK.

I really want to get rid of the fat on my stomach and thighs. My thighs are the worst. No matter how much I restrict and exercise, my thighs stay huge. I think I need to get liposuction but I doubt I could afford it. When I sit down I can't even bear to look at my thighs, so I always cover them up. They are massive compared to the rest of me and I don't know why. If I can't cover them up I feel so distressed just looking at them and the thought of other people looking at them. I can't live like this anymore. Is it possible to get liposuction on the NHS in certain circumstances, like if the person has tried to lose the fat but can't and it is ruining their life? I have tried so hard.
 
Toasted Crumpet

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Hun, you are not fat. I'm really sorry this thoughtless comment has triggered all these ED thoughts and left you feeling so crap. I've been where you are, I hated my thighs too and they were one of the reasons I wanted to get underweight as i thought they were too big at normal weight. For me a lot of that was looking at photos of women who were genetically different to me, they had a completely different shape.

I hear that you are feeling really distressed, but believe me this is not really about your thighs. I tend to focus on body parts when I'm feeling upset about other things, or out of control.

I really doubt you have gained any weight, it's just this woman's comments setting your ED thoughts off. Thing is if you look to the scales for reassurance it just ultimately reinforces the ED in my experience.

Liposuction doesn't work btw, my sponsor (from 12 step ED programme) had cousins who had it done, the fat comes back. But I don't think that is the solution for you anyway, sounds like you need support with your feelings and also some work on acceptance. I hope you can tell your GP how you are feeling, hopefully they will be able to help :hug:
 
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Poppyflower

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Thank you for the responses.

I am still freaking out about this comment and shocked, especially as it came just THREE days after my eating disorder therapy ended. I have a follow-up appointment at the end of next month but I don't think there is any point going to it. They can't help me and I don't know if I even want help now. I want to get back to my lowest weight but seem to have lost all my willpower. I can't get better and I can't restrict like I used to. I am feeling incredibly distressed.
 
Toasted Crumpet

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I understand where you are coming from, I have felt the same myself :hug1:

Please go to your appointment and tell them what happened and how you feel now. I know what it's like to feel there is no point and to want to be down to your lowest weight again, I have felt the same.

Please tell them so they can help you. xx
 
Toasted Crumpet

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Hi Poppyflower, how are you doing? is it today you're seeing your GP, I hope it goes ok and that you feel able to talk about what's going on for you.

I just wanted to say as well, that you've only just completed ED treatment, so it's really early days for you, it doesn't mean you won't get better because this ignorant comment from your work colleague has triggered ED thoughts. Recovery from an ED can take a long time and you're still practising skills you've learnt in therapy to override automatic reactions. Maybe look upon it as an opportunity to put into practice what you've learnt? And if you can't do it straight away and the ED voice is still stronger, don't give up, it takes time but eventually the ED thoughts will get quieter, and if/when someone does make a comment like that again you might find yourself thinking "how rude" instead of accepting it to be true and then beating up on yourself.

Take care xx
 
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Poppyflower

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Thanks, Toasted Crumpet. Thing is I didn't learn anything in therapy so there is nothing to put into practice. When I asked my therapist what I am supposed to be practising between now and our folllow-up appointment she said, "being more open with people". What that has to do with my eating and body image I don't know! And I don't feel that I need or want to be more open with people! Honestly, Cognitive Analytic Therapy feels like the biggest waste of time...

I did see my GP today -- thanks for asking about that. He upset me with a comment, which I have written about in my other current thread on this website in the Experiences section. Also, I used his weighing scales today and I am bigger than I thought I was and feel distraught. He told me I'm still technically underweight (just) and to try not to worry about the weight I put on, but I am worried. And I will be losing the weight I put on! I think it will be hard because my willpower goes down when I am stressed, but I don't want to be this size and I'm so unhappy with my body.

I guess I've just chosen my eating disorder over recovery. :low:
 
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