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wanna die

AimeèJo2014

AimeèJo2014

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Feb 16, 2015
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28
My boyfriends just left me after 2 years, I've put up with so much shit from him and yet I still love him to fucking pieces! Don't wanna be here anymore, what is the point! He just chooses drink and drugs over me! I'm tired of the false promises cos he always breaks them! I love him but what is the point anymore! Just wanna be happy and die!
 
katya

katya

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Dec 4, 2013
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England
My boyfriends just left me after 2 years, I've put up with so much shit from him and yet I still love him to fucking pieces! Don't wanna be here anymore, what is the point! He just chooses drink and drugs over me! I'm tired of the false promises cos he always breaks them! I love him but what is the point anymore! Just wanna be happy and die!
Aww, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I recently broke up with a boyfriend whom I love dearly but was so distant from me, and cold, because he was taking drugs all the time. I know how you feel.

This will pass. Maybe you can work things out in the future; maybe he can stop taking drugs and put you first, but, regardless of that, you need to put yourself first. You're who's important right now. You deserve a hell of a lot more than how you've been treated, and if you do split for good, you will find someone who will treat you better.

There are good things coming; I know it doesn't feel like it right now. But please, in the meantime, be kind to yourself. Surround yourself with people, and don't expect too much from yourself right now. Let yourself heal, and the pain is part of the healing process. You will get through this.

You shouldn't want to die. You're far too good for that.

Sending big hugs from someone who's been there.
 
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AimeèJo2014

AimeèJo2014

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Joined
Feb 16, 2015
Messages
28
Yeah I know it's just I love this guy to pieces and he doesn't see that, I've wrote him a letter explaining how I feel but he doesn't even wanna come home to read it I said if he comes home to read it and doesn't like it then I'll help him pack, I'm hurting so much and I don't know how I'm gonna get through this, everyone just seems better off with me
 
cassandra36

cassandra36

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Apr 6, 2015
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Location
USA PA
Love hurts, and a broken heart never breaks even. I have been through two divorces it will and does get better. You sound fairly young and the younger you are the more you feel it. I went through my first divorce early, we split when I was 20 it put me in the hospital. Check yourself into one if you really need to. You sound like you have much love to give you just gave it to the wrong person. The other thing is love yourself more then anyone else, it sounds selfish but you are always going to be there for you. People come and go. Good luck
 
AimeèJo2014

AimeèJo2014

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Feb 16, 2015
Messages
28
Thankyou, it's just so hard cos he says he don't want his party life back and single life but his actions prove differently, tbh I don't think I can cope he's the only person I've been with and I love him to pieces, I'm hurting so much and I don't know what to do, all I wanna do is actually cry
 
StillFighting

StillFighting

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Dec 28, 2014
Messages
508
Honey, I'm so sorry :( If you want to cry, just cry and let it all out. It's so recent, and I can imagine how much it hurts right now.
Do you have anyone irl, friends or family, to support you through this difficult time? :hug1:
 
AimeèJo2014

AimeèJo2014

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Not really tbh, my family just want money from me and don't really care so I have no one, all I wanna do is cry cos I don't know what to do anymore x
 
cassandra36

cassandra36

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USA PA
Just cry for awhile then, there is nothing wrong with crying for a bit. But you know deep down he's no good for you. You need to get your self together before you could even possibly think about entering into a healthy relationship. I saw my first ex wife about 2 weeks ago, I haven't seen her for over 12 years and she gave me a picture of our daughter who I left. My ex said the best thing I ever did was walk away and allow my daughter to have a normal life. It was true and it hurt like hell. My relationship failures were my fault no one else's. Same with your situation, your failure was you don't know yourself and know what you want yet. This relationship you had is now information you can rationally study once the pain subsides a bit. Once you are together then you will find a good match. If you just like drama expect things like this to happen forever.
 
cassandra36

cassandra36

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46
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USA PA
You have yourself! Be your own best friend. You have the strength, I know you do! You will always live with yourself others are just people on their own journey who travel with us for a short or long time. You have much love, use it on yourself; ) when you are ready and someone is worthy then share that love. You can always get a boyfriend that runs on batteries; )
 
StillFighting

StillFighting

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Dec 28, 2014
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Not really tbh, my family just want money from me and don't really care so I have no one, all I wanna do is cry cos I don't know what to do anymore x
I'm really sorry for that. Please, know that you can come and lean on us here for support. :hug1: I know it's not the same as having someone in real life, but I hope at least it's something :hug:
Let yourself grieve if you need to, you experienced a loss and it's only natural. But please, remember that no matter how hard this is right now, you'll get through this. Cry, write as much as you need to, try to take good care of yourself, and know you're not alone :hug1:
 
AimeèJo2014

AimeèJo2014

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Feb 16, 2015
Messages
28
Thankyou everyone for your kind messages they've helped me a little, made me realise that I do have friends here that I can talk to, I'm just sitting here crying cos I don't know how to cope, he don't even wanna come home to speak to me
 
StillFighting

StillFighting

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Dec 28, 2014
Messages
508
Can you perhaps do something nice for yourself right now? E.g. have a bath? Or cook a nice meal you like? It may sound like cliche advice, I'm not sure if you're really up to it. But even doing a small nice thing for yourself, to make yourself more comfortable, might help just a little bit.

I realize you want to speak to him, but it's also important I think to take good care of yourself right now, so you can relax a little bit. :hug:
 
AimeèJo2014

AimeèJo2014

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Feb 16, 2015
Messages
28
Yeah I know, there's not much I can do cos it's really late in the morning, but maybe tomorrow I can, I'm not scared to be by myself I just can't take his rubbish anymore, I don't know what to do my head is in such a muddle
 
cassandra36

cassandra36

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Apr 6, 2015
Messages
46
Location
USA PA
Then don't , find alternative housing or just kick his ass out. Why should his faults make you hurt? You don't deserve that. If he is being unfaithful That's his hang up and loss you do not have to accept that. But if he's just out with the boys being a guy you have to respect and understand that he is out with the guys for his own emotional well being. Just because you are in a relationship with someone doesn't mean you each don't have separate lives and friends. You have to be honest with yourself, are you overly jealous? Are you overly needy? I identify as a man and a woman and have been where you could be right now being needy and hurt and I've been him just out having a piss with the boys. He's not doing it to hurt you honey, he's doing it because he's a male and we are pack animals. If you have a problem with him going out now and again do you realise how much crap he takes from his friends? What she don't let you out? After awhile his male ego will get wounded and to reaffirm her is a man he will go against your wishes. It really might be your fault.

If he loves you he is just out reaffirming his manhood and he might be saying cold and mean things to look good in front of the boys. He might not be coming home because he knows a big emotional fight is going to ensue where he is deemed wrong. Sorry if I am completely misreading this but I need more background info. I know it's your first love and steady relationship so you could be over reacting to this whole thing. The truly strange thing is if he abided your every whim and was completely compliant you would cease to be attracted to him because he allowed you to take his manhood.
 
A

ajz8771

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Feb 7, 2016
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33
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Staten Island, New York
Find a friend that you share some things in common with and fly away :) talking to someone new will help you forget a little about him.
 
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