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voices stopping

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neonmouse

Active member
Joined
Jul 1, 2010
Messages
31
Location
UK
Feel like a bit of a rant(or just to share my experience of the end of a psychosis). Once I've stopped taking all drugs that could be hindering my recovery from the psychosis that i was diagnosed with 3 years ago... and the voices have quietened down a lot, now their the quietest of a whisper. I can listen to music again which i love. I can travel more with out having annoying voices saying stuff about one thing or another.

Which is great and all but now i have the problem. I'm scared shitless of having to actually exist in this world. I feel guilty for being on the rate of benefits that I'm on, I don't think I deserve them anymore.

I was accepted on them before the psychosis when my main issue was severe depression... The depression comes and goes but I've been stable for two months with out (I'm gonna steal a bipolar term) any cycling of moods.

I dont know what stoped the voices, was it the meds, the lack of any harmful chemicals or the fact that I've moved out of supported accom.

I really dont want to spend the rest of my life on benefits but It would kill me to end up working in WHSmiths or something. I would retrain but their are no colleges that do any courses that intreast me.
Even if i did find a course i would probably loose intreast with in a few months and drop out.

It would probably have to be trade off some sorts as my dyslexia is pretty bad since the psychosis, I swear my IQ has dropped significantly, not that it was high in the first place.

Another huge fear is meeting all those new people, I'm crap at socielising, my mind just wasn't meant for it. especially small talk, their is some anxiety/paranoia(I'm not sure which it is) when ever i meat new people... that doesn't help.

Rant over...
 
calypso

calypso

Well-known member
Admin
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Jan 5, 2011
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43,223
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Lancashire
Hiya Neonmouse

You certainly don't sound stupid, you are very articulate. I am on benefits and I was like you, I shouldn't be on them, others were much more deserving than me. But my husband read out some of the questions on the DLA. I was thinking this is 'just' a mental illness, but when asked, "can you walk more than so many yards" the answer for me was, no. Not because I have a physical disability, but because the crippling anxiety overwhelms me and I have to dive back home, or get into the car. Another was, can you do your own shopping. Physically, yes, but mentally no. I can now go around a supermarket, but only for so long, then I have to escape. The point I am making is that it doesn't matter if we are physically fit, if the mental illness cripples us - and note the word 'cripple'.

You make it clear that you are not nearly as well as you think. Youhave a huge fear of meeting people, you have major problems conncentrating, you can go out but you are lacking a lot of confidence and you have only felt like this for two months. I think you are doing my favourite trick in my mind, I should be better, I should be doing more, I should be independent. I tried to go back to work too quickly and the result? I collapsed and it shook my confidence more.

Do you have a drop in centre near you eg The MDF (manic depressive fellowship) or a centre for people with enduring mental illness? I know you feel a lot better, but these people might be able to get your confidence up. I am going to do volunteering first, to test the water. It will also build up my confidence, and will test how well I am actually doing. If you are on ESA then you can work about 15 hours a week without losing benefit. How about doing a short course with an Adult College? I am about to start soapstone carving (don't laugh) to get me doing something regularly but not be threatened. Do you get my drift?

It doesn't have to be all or nothing. Best of luck xxx
 
M

maudikie

Guest
Is this all a change since you stopped taing your medication? If so I should go bacck on it. I don't know what is was but it seemed t o suit you. So why put up with not being as happy and relaxed as you were before. It is often the case that when people come off their medication they have a relaps, so take care.:)
 
N

neonmouse

Active member
Joined
Jul 1, 2010
Messages
31
Location
UK
Yerm, i need to start doing some volunteering again, build up some confidence around working. Maybe I'll speak to the Richmond Fellowship again to get some part time work on the go. I dont know though im still trying to get my flat sorted, waiting around for deliveries and for the council to sort my centralheating and hotwater out... thats my current excuse for not looking in to it atm, probably is just an excuse. idk

Voices have returned somewhat since I smoked a lil bit of weed, still on 4mg of respiridone.

It just bothers me that all my friends are strugling with having just £60 a week of jobseekers and here i am on a lot more.... My mum has crippling arthritis where she has to take fentanyl and she's not even on as much as me. I had a bad foot for a few days last month, it was hell... kind of made me realise what she must be going through on a daily bases.

I might read what the criteria of dla and income support is again
 
W

Wazzza

Member
Joined
Dec 17, 2010
Messages
10
Hello neonmouse are you from the Wirral? The richmond fellowship sounds familiar
 
M

maudikie

Guest
Sooap stone carving sounds interesting. Please tell us more. I haven't heard of that.
 
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