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Voice is driving me CRAZY!

C

Cat

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Jul 9, 2019
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Been awake for the past 24 hours. The voice is constant. It says "are you fucking retarded?", "are you fucking serious?", "are you fucking kidding me?", "oh my God [my name]", "what the fuck is wrong with you?", "you are an evil woman". I have concluded that the voice is ignorant, judgmental, virtually incapable of learning (because he only repeats the same lines over and over again), incredibly immature (like probably around mental age 6- although its voice is that of a 40-50 year old man), and somewhat psychopathic. He is an imbecile. And he is weak. Last night I could not help but turn it around on him and yell back. I abused him as much as I could. He seemed very disturbed by it and was begging me to stop on several occasions. The problem is though, that I know the voice is coming from my own damned head. It is my subconscious telling me how I really feel about myself. This is so strange to me, because in my conscious mind I don't feel that way at all. I feel at ease with myself and am better able to communicate with people now than I have been for years. I know I have to try and take a more understanding stance when it comes to the voice. Judging him back only means that I ultimately am judging myself...twice. I just find it so painful to think that this ignorance, this judgment, this rigidity of thinking, this blatant stupidity...are all underlying traits of mine. I pride myself on being extremely open-minded and non-judgmental of other people. How come I can't have the same understanding and empathy for myself? What is essentially wrong with me? I feel ashamed that this voice is part of who I am as a person. I tell others with similar voices not to be ashamed, but I fall into that line of thinking myself all the time. He-the voice-is just such an incredibly useless and pathetic idiot. I cannot believe this is me! I feel so dumb!
Anyone else feel like this???
 
J

Jules5

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Jan 27, 2019
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Yes I know what you are talking about with the voices-mine tells me I hate you you are no good and on and on-I have not heard them in a while a bout a week. I hate it-The voices always come when I am down and out about life in general no real reason. I feel down and out most of the time. Sorry about the annoying voices Wishing you well and lots of hugs and love you are a worthwhile person do not ever forget this.
 
NWiddi

NWiddi

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My voice is similar, repeats the same things over and over again expecting different results (definition of insanity).

He says my name at least 50 times a day saying it before or after everything he says which is a lot, also says "Stop!", "Please", "You can't do this", "Leave me alone" randomly until he decides to throw a tantrum then it's "F-you!" and "I hate you".

I gave mine the mental age of a 2-12 year old, 2 because now he's learned to talk he won't stop and 12 because he's so childish.

He begs for me to talk to him all day long ranting and whining about how unfair this all is to him. When he's not begging, ranting and whining he's talking to himself as if he was me and talking to make believe people.

Mid August will be the three year anniversary of me ignoring him and medicating him, I haven't spoken a word to him in all that time and it'll go on for decades or life if he doesn't stop bothering me. He wants off medication but I can't trust him enough to do that so he's on them for life aswell.

Bottom line is he's screwed and I can handle his pathetic shenanigans.
 
C

Cat

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All over the place
My voice is similar, repeats the same things over and over again expecting different results (definition of insanity).

He says my name at least 50 times a day saying it before or after everything he says which is a lot, also says "Stop!", "Please", "You can't do this", "Leave me alone" randomly until he decides to throw a tantrum then it's "F-you!" and "I hate you".

I gave mine the mental age of a 2-12 year old, 2 because now he's learned to talk he won't stop and 12 because he's so childish.

He begs for me to talk to him all day long ranting and whining about how unfair this all is to him. When he's not begging, ranting and whining he's talking to himself as if he was me and talking to make believe people.

Mid August will be the three year anniversary of me ignoring him and medicating him, I haven't spoken a word to him in all that time and it'll go on for decades or life if he doesn't stop bothering me. He wants off medication but I can't trust him enough to do that so he's on them for life aswell.

Bottom line is he's screwed and I can handle his pathetic shenanigans.
Hi Nwiddi! I'm sorry to hear you have to live with that pesky voice! Although its comforting to me to hear that someone else is experiencing the same type of voice. Congratulations on managing not to respond to him! That is truly awesome! It takes a lot of personal power to be able to do that, with or without medication. I am not there yet. I still respond to him. Not all the time, but often. One day I know I will be able to resist the urge to do that, and just let him rant on by himself in there. Until then, I'll have to endure that nonsense. I am currently not on medication. The medication they had me on did nothing at all to stop the voice. The voice has not gotten any worse at all since I stopped, although unfortunately due to heavy withdrawals from the meds I feel I have little in the way of emotional capacity to deal with the consequences of hearing those same negative statements over and over again. Nevertheless, I know I am stronger than I think, I survived incredible things in my life, and will continue on fighting the best way I know how, until the day that I die.

C
 
NWiddi

NWiddi

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The medication did more than you know, it should have reduced his volume by 90-95% and done a lot more that you wouldn't have noticed but I bet your voice noticed and is glad you're off them, he should leave you alone and be grateful for what he has back.
 
C

Cat

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The medication did more than you know, it should have reduced his volume by 90-95% and done a lot more that you wouldn't have noticed but I bet your voice noticed and is glad you're off them, he should leave you alone and be grateful for what he has back.
Yeah, you should think so eh..but no...he is incapable of gratitude, empathy, sincere feeling for others, or anything of that nature. I really do hate him.
 
NWiddi

NWiddi

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Sounds like a sociopath like mine, thinks only of himself and has no concept of right or wrong.

He's also deranged which means wild and out of control, we've got a hopefully long life together and he just doesn't get it yet, it can be a happy life or a life of misery and I'm the one that decides his fate.
 
C

Cat

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Sounds like a sociopath like mine, thinks only of himself and has no concept of right or wrong.

He's also deranged which means wild and out of control, we've got a hopefully long life together and he just doesn't get it yet, it can be a happy life or a life of misery and I'm the one that decides his fate.
Indeed! You are the one in control! Stay strong!
 
K

kingyee

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Jul 17, 2019
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This just makes me sad to read.. my voices were the same till i grinded them down with intrusive thoughts, they ofc still reply back with the same one word or two word responses...

Doesn't it seem like your voice/voices are trying to get you to stop doing something?
 
C

Cat

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All over the place
This just makes me sad to read.. my voices were the same till i grinded them down with intrusive thoughts, they ofc still reply back with the same one word or two word responses...

Doesn't it seem like your voice/voices are trying to get you to stop doing something?
Yes. Sometimes it does seem like the voice is trying to get me to change my behavior. However, it is doing it in the most ineffective way possible (by swearing, putting me down etc). Sometimes the advice of the voice is good, but many other times it is truly destructive (e.g., trying to get me to eat less than 1000 calories per day, skipping meals, telling me I don't actually need to sleep more than 1-3 hours per night etc). So, the voice is unreliable at best.
 
NWiddi

NWiddi

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What is it with voices and sleep?, mine was always trying to keep me up at night talking all the time. When I did manage to sleep he kept waking me up 5-6 times a night to talk about the dreams we had.

Thankfully medication quiets him down enough for me to get a good eight hours in every night now.
 
Z

Zyfa

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Jul 14, 2019
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johannesburg
This just makes me sad to read.. my voices were the same till i grinded them down with intrusive thoughts, they ofc still reply back with the same one word or two word responses...

Doesn't it seem like your voice/voices are trying to get you to stop doing something?
True,i used to meditate for hours for 4 years,i attained higher conciousness and started getting crystal clear visions of other worlds and future,saw angels and then i saw the shadows,since then i have had nothing but voices mocking me,its been hard to meditate and keep my peace.but they tend to stop for a while
 
LORD BURT

LORD BURT

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The voices are retarded. I just ignore them.
 
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