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Violent Thoughts

reb_kbold

reb_kbold

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Joined
Aug 18, 2020
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3
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NV
oh boy, this is taking a lot of courage to type out. currently feeling my stomach beginning to tie into knots 😖. anyways, ive had violent thoughts since i was in elementary school. usually they just come and go, some more violent, some less. it actually used to be pretty hard to control my anger back when i was in elementary school (i used to hurt people when they made me angry, i ended up getting in big time trouble by my parents). anyways, im getting off topic. recently ive been having a reoccurring violent thought. i feel like seriously harming , people at my school. not any people in particular, just random students. i feel like taking a weapon to my school and harming as many as i can. ive thought about it so much ive even started forming a small plan. sometimes, i hate to admit it, but sometimes i feel like i want to think about it. though, ill never go through this plan. i don't have access to any weapons, and the thought of living out my life with my family and my current partner seems much more appealing than killing others and then myself. it'll forever remain a violent fantasy in my head. but, im a bit scared. it sort of feels like its becoming a comfort thought for me. i don't really know what i should do
(also wow, what a topic to make my first post about 😅)
 
Last edited by a moderator:
B

bpd2020

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May 25, 2020
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Hello and welcome to the forum. You are very brave for making this post. I would have therapy to get to the bottom of why you have these thoughts. It may help to make sense of them and with therapy they could even lessen.
 
P

Pollypop

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Jul 23, 2015
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2,115
Location
England. Derbyshire
I’m glad you felt you could open up here.
Obviously things are a little more serious as the moderators have edited your post.

If you haven’t already I would definitely seek professional help.
It can’t be good for you living with these thoughts.

Also they could easily turn into reality.
As you said, you have harmed people in the past.

You say you have your access to any weapons but this can’t be true.
Also there are many things you could do.

Have you seen your doctor, had counselling, or therapy?
If not I would urge you to do so.
Your own safety is at risk.
 
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Pollypop

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Jul 23, 2015
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Location
England. Derbyshire
MISTAKE. I meant to put

You say you DON’T have any ACCESS any weapons.
This can’t be true.

( a typo error)
 
F

FlowerBox

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Jan 7, 2020
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893
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Here
It's a good thing you know it's not a good idea. I have violent fantasies too, I know what you mean about wanting to think about it, it being a comfort thought...and judging by your username and picture, I want to recommend Sue Klebold's book called A Mother's Reckoning, if you haven't read it already. I found it in a thrift shop and it really helped to put into perspective the severity of the situation, something that's hard for me to understand by default.
And feel free to send me a private message if you want to talk through these thoughts and your experience with them, if you don't want to post about it out in the open like this, I understand 🙏
 
E

Elisante

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May 16, 2020
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Location
Greece
I would advice you to stop reading about Columbine.
 
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