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Vicious Cycle of Depression Hindering My Life

H

Hopeful1s

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Aug 18, 2020
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8
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Florida
I try so hard to battle my depression (and anhedonia), but it's just to the point where I feel like no matter how hard I try, I just can't get out of this rut I am in. I'm caught in a really bad cycle and don't know how to fix it.

I have battled depression all my life. Currently, I am working hard to try to fix my credit so I can get a home. I have limited time with my children, which makes my depression MUCH worse, and having a home of my own would give me a huge advantage in getting more time. However, I have HUGE financial obstacles to overcome.

I work as hard as I can. One of the top producers in my company actually. However, my depression sometimes gets the best of me. I wake up some days so depressed and anxious about having to work that I simply can't do it. But then, missing work makes me feel even worse, as I feel it just sets me back that much more as far as accomplishing my goals and getting more time with my kids.

So, I miss work at times because of my depression, then the loss of income makes the depression worse, rinse and repeat. And trust me, I fight my hardest to work through it. There are some days where I'm literally crying while working, just to push through it for my kids. Some days though, I just can't do it.

I don't know how to break a cycle like this? I don't feel like medication will help, as I tried an anti-depressant years back. It helped for about six months or so, then my body just got used to (and dependent) on it. When I came off the anti-depressant a year later, I had depression for about 2-3mos that was FAR worse than when I started. So, I know a pill is only a temporary fix.

I have tried tons of other things. A list of things to be grateful for, a list of goals, exercise, eating right, trying to have a regular sleep routine (although the depression sometimes throws off my sleep), but nothing seems to help much. No matter what I do, I miss work here and there, and then it makes me feel even worse. I beat myself up over it, as I feel like a failure that can't just get through life like a normal human being does.

After trying everything I have found on all the websites for fighting depression, I am just running out of things to try. I don't know what else to do.
 
Tawny

Tawny

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Hopefull is a good username because there is always a way through, always a solution. You have tried everything you could, trialled antidepressants which you say kept you well for 6 months. I agree it is hard to come off of them, so i only tried once. Now i do not stop taking medication. I have a mood stabiliser and an antidepressants. Without either of them, life is as you describe.

I wish i was able to think of something really great and useful for you but all i can think of is seeing a psychiatrist for medication. It is the last resort for many people because i suppose depression is a mental illness, and sadly some of us have it. Many of those who have it are also very successful in life and the illness makes that harder to maintain.

It is important to spend more time with your children, i agree.

Could you simply talk to a doctor and see what new treatments there are? Medication and non-medication, there are always new things coming out because depression is so very very common. Maybe even your doctor has been depressed or currently is, it really is everywhere. You would be surprised the occupations of the people i have been in hospital with!
 
Tawny

Tawny

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This is a scale. It is for Bipolar 1 and 2 but it is nice to see where we are with depression on the scale so we know when we need to rest or ask for help.
 
calypso

calypso

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Hiya and welcome. I hope you can try to find some therapy to see what is the root of this depression and techniques to help you. As I understand it antiDs need longer that 6 months to really help - why did you come off them may I ask, if they were helping. I had to try 6 types to find one which helped me.

I am diagnosed bipolar and under stand depression all too well. I know that pills aren't an answer but a help only, but they can lift your mood enough that you can then see how to move forward. If you do go down the therapy route look up professional bodies in the US to check they are vaid people.

Depression is crippling. I do sympathise a lot.
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

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Hi Hopeful welcome to the forums. I’m going to say try the med route again. Different meds work for different people. I had to go through about twelve different anti-depressants until I found one that would work for me. Here in the US poor mental health qualities you for paid medical leave for up to three months a year. If the depression becomes too severe I might look into talking with your doctor about a medical leave so you can take some time away from the pressures of work, commit yourself to finding an appropriate treatment, including possibly meds, that works to manage your depression better and generally sort yourself out. I hope things improve for you soon and that you will be able to get that house you so desire. xo, j
 
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Prycejosh1987

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Jul 7, 2020
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I don't know how to break a cycle like this? I don't feel like medication will help, as I tried an anti-depressant years back. It helped for about six months or so, then my body just got used to (and dependent) on it. When I came off the anti-depressant a year later, I had depression for about 2-3mos that was FAR worse than when I started. So, I know a pill is only a temporary fix.
Medications are coping methods at the end of the day, you are the one that has the overcome these issues. Dont leave them, and think they will go away. They wont. You have to tackle these issues. There are underlying issues you need to take away from your life. Work on them.
 
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