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very weird phobia, advice appreciated

Lunus

Lunus

Well-known member
Joined
May 20, 2019
Messages
1,068
Location
Norfolk
Hi guys.

Just to say thanks again, and another little update.

Me, My sister and our parents went out for a meal, and near the end my Mum out of nowhere starting moaning at my sister, she was sleeveless and my Mum noticed her strap fall down and decided to draw attention to it, she wouldn't shut up telling her she should wear long sleeves when out which I thought was harsh as no one else probably would have noticed if she didn't say anything so I got her to shut up, but my sister was visibly upset until we were finished. But afterwards I asked her if she was ok and to try and forget about it, She then said it was good I am understanding and it was cruel what my Mum said so was clearly upset. She also asked me for my opinion on the sleeves, and this was probably the first time in months I thought about the issue, but ended up telling her I had noticed the problem in the summer, but had also learnt to deal with it, and she should carry on wearing sleeveless if that's the style she wants to wear. So if my Mum doesn't look like the fact her strap's fall down she has to deal with it like I did.

It all feels so stupid. As before this meal I dont recall thinking about her bra for months, and she even eventually stopped apologising for it so I dont even know if and how often the strap has been falling. Which is how it should be, but I am glad my sister confided in me and I was able to talk to her about it.

But for all the problems I had with dealing with the bra, I dont recall ever treating my sister like that, I never scolded her in front of people, making demands.

Hope you guys think I said the right thing to her, and I hope this doesnt make me all weird again.
Maybe the best way out of this situation is for your sister to wear a bra that actually fits her so the straps stop falling down?
 
I

iamweird

Member
Joined
May 31, 2019
Messages
11
Location
UK
Good job! But like whoa this is another facet to the whole thing. Did your mom say that like because of you? Or has she always been that way? Because if your mom is super conservative and particular it makes so much sense why this became a worry of yours in the first place. But you definitely did the right thing. Geesh your poor sister it’s not like she’s wearing her bra as her shirt lol.
My mum has always been conservative, and she can randomly say stuff that really shouldn't be said in front of people. It is possible in the past my sister and my mum have had a conversation about my problem and it was as a result of me been there, but I dont know, I never thought of that as a consideration.

I think I will be ok, I am not having the same thoughts, my thoughts have only about me been an idiot again, but not thinking about the straps like I used to so I dont think this is an issue for me. Just was a bit worried I responded ok to the issue that came up.
 
E

EstherRose94

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 2, 2019
Messages
2,072
Location
USA
Yeah I definitely think you handled it well.
 
I

iamweird

Member
Joined
May 31, 2019
Messages
11
Location
UK
Maybe the best way out of this situation is for your sister to wear a bra that actually fits her so the straps stop falling down?
Sorry I only just seen this notification.

She told me her strap only fell down once when she went to pick up the bag, so I guess it is not as constant anymore, I also havent been noticing it for a while.

I think her bra fit is her own business so I have never looked at it from that point of view, but even though its my problem I think she has been great, she has never said "tough luck", or left her strap down always fixed it for me right away, she told me in the summer she was working on the strap adjustments (which is what I assume you mean by fit), and I guess it is hard to get right, but it looks like she has done a very good adjustment if its now at the point its only happening once in two hours now, no wonder I dont notice it anymore :)

I understand your point that its not ideal, but I think my problem is my own mentally, and my mum's reaction was wrong, even if my mum was trying to protect me, she drawn my attention to that it happened, and caused embarrassment for my sister.
 
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