very weird phobia, advice appreciated

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iamweird

New member
Joined
May 31, 2019
Messages
2
Location
UK
#1
Hi guys and girls.

I have what I believe to be a phobia and I consider it weird, so have never brought it up with anyone in real life except maybe my sister but with her it was indirectly, she knows I used to get uncomfortable but the conversations never went as far as to why and to how bad it was for me.

So the problem is I have had negative reactions to seeing her bra strap fall down, or seeing it if I believe it will fall down. Usually the reactions would be e.g. if I am speaking I might stutter, or end up staring at the strap, basically panicking. Sometimes I could control my behaviour so I act rationally, other times not. This carried on for a number of years when we was younger as her bra straps used to fall a lot and she always worn sleeveless tops.

But in the past few years the problem went away, she seemed to resolve her bra strap problem, and likewise my issue stopped been an issue, occasionally I would see her bra strap peek out of clothes, but I never acted badly to it, I think as long as I am confident it wont fall down it is fine.

Last week she took me for a drive, and she had on a sleeveless blouse, there was initially no issue, but about halfway thru the drive i looked at her when talking to her and noticed a black outline at the side of her shoulder area that wasnt there before, looked closer and it was her bra strap slipping out of the top, the top went very close to the edge of her shoulder so I looked away knowing it was close to falling, as this was very brief I would say the behaviour from her point of view probably seemed ok, but I had the thoughts in my head again, and was suddenly thinking about her bra strap again like years ago, I avoided looking at her much for rest of journey, she was fiddling with that shoulder a lot towards the end, but that could have been just an itch, but I was mindful of it because of the area.

Yesterday she drove me to the sea for the day, and had another sleeveless shirt on, this time I noticed her bra strap slip out a bit, but this time decided to be confident it will be fine and not prevent me from looking her way again, really unluckily when I looked her way again, her strap was sliding down her arm right at that moment, she moved her arm to fix it, but she knew I noticed and waited a moment for me to look away, but I carried on looking that way as I was talking to her, so she had no choice but to fix it in front of me, although she did a brief smile to kind of acknowledge it. I was mostly looking for eye contact for the conversation tho with just a glimpse down at the strap so I dont think this looked too unusual.

No more issues i noticed for almost rest of journey but when we was almost there with barely a few minutes driving left, and i was getting more confident again, the strap started to fall again, it was fine literally only a few mins before no peeking, and this time she wasnt immediatly aware, I stared at it for about 4-5 seconds wondering whether to prod her to fix, basically panicked, and eventually she noticed it and pushed it up although only slightly it was still outside her top and near the edge of her arm. I would be very surprised if she didnt notice me stare and wasnt uncomfortable.

I didnt notice anymore issues for rest of day after that.

I thought about apologising for the stare, and admitting there and then I had a phobia so she at least knew why I did it, but in the end said nothing, if she was prepared to forget it I would leave it, was the thinking.

The problem is, june is about to start, my sister in summer is probably going to wear sleeveless every day and it looks like she may have issues all summer again. When I used to ask her to fix her strap years ago, she used to make sure the straps were as tight as possible for me and put extra effort in catching them before they fell so they stayed up better, they still fell sometimes but I appreciated she minimised it. However I would rather not have any conversations with her again, as she probably just thinks I was weird and may well have been uncomfortable although I know she was very good in how she helped me deal with it before.

So any advice I appreciate, I understand it may possibly offend me. I recognise I need to control my reactions, but just dont know the best way to go about it, and if its a good idea to say anything to my sister or not.

Is this even a phobia?

Thanks
 
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EstherRose94

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Joined
Mar 2, 2019
Messages
778
Location
USA
#2
Hey friend! I expected something a lot weirder from your title actually haha. No, I think it makes sense that you felt uncomfy at one point because maybe like bra straps seemed like a sexual thing at one time? And you wanted to not associate that with your sister so you tried to avoid seeing the straps ever. and then maybe started focusing on that uncomfy feeling and it became a bit of a phobia or obsession.

I’ve had similar obsessions. It sounds kinda like OCDish to me. Also seems pretty normal though. Like I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you. You’re just extra cued into it because it bugged you at one point.

Best thing you can do is convince yourself that no tragedy will occur if your sister’s strap slips. It won’t hurt either of you.

I hope my answer made sense. Feel free to chat, I can pretty much bet nothing you share will be weirder than something I’ve thought myself lol.
 
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iamweird

New member
Joined
May 31, 2019
Messages
2
Location
UK
#3
thank you.

Your feeling on the original trigger I think is correct, when I was very young I used to get turned on by straps, but then when I seen it on my sister I didnt want to associate that with her so the kind of opposite happened and it just made me uncomfortable. I assume its kind of normal for most people at first but where I think I am weird is I have not got over it as I got grown up. The good news is I only noticed it twice in an entire day so its not that big of a problem right now as long as it doesnt get worse.

So basically I just need to try and control my emotions like you said and see if that improves my reactions.

Also OCD is something I have been diagnosed with so that would make sense as well.
 
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EstherRose94

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 2, 2019
Messages
778
Location
USA
#4
Oh well in that case it’s definitely just an OCD thing. Just remind yourself that you’re not scared, you’re just remembering that uncomfy feeling you had when you were younger
 
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