Very suicidal

I

IWILLOBTAINMENTALHEALTH

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#1
I didn't come this far for my mental health providers to get me kicked of my s.s.i. I feel they are pressuring me to say I'm better when I'm not. Seeing them makes me feel worse about myself and my future. It wouldn't help for me to switch psychiatrists because they would make me see a therapist anyway, so I'm back where I started. I don't think I could ever work again. I am too messed up. But I can't let my sister and I be forced to move back in with our parents or be homeless. That would cause friction if I had no income. I would be my mothers slave again. I would lose everything in my apartment. I would be stuck there for the rest of my life. My sister couldn't transition or get her sex change. All because of me. I can't lose my s.s.i. but I can't work either. Should I tell my providers how I feel? I used to be so strong and mentally stable. I'm crying as I type this. I don't know what to do. I really wish I could work! There is most likely no hope for me. Maybe I should just end it. :panic::cry2:
 
ScaredCat

ScaredCat

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#3
Are you able to say to your mental health providers that you are not well enough to work. Have they said that they think you are?
 
I

IWILLOBTAINMENTALHEALTH

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#4
No they never said that. But I told my therapist I wanted to be a veterinary assistant. If they ask I will just have to tell them I can't work. But if they say I'm doing better I will lose my benefits. Why do psychiatrists make their patients see therapists anyway?!
 
ScaredCat

ScaredCat

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#5
Wanting to do something and being able to are very different. Your therapist I wouldn't think should divulge what you say to her anyway. Think it should be confidential?
 
I

IWILLOBTAINMENTALHEALTH

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#6
Yeah that's true. I just hope I'm being paranoid for no reason. But I highly doubt it. I need some serious job coaching. I need to start volunteering and not give up. I need to get my license and a car.
 
I

IWILLOBTAINMENTALHEALTH

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#9
FUBAR, Your profile states "Hell" as your current location. Does that mean USA? If so, are you not qualified to receive SSDI benefits?
I am on S.S.I. I just can't risk losing it and being homeless. I need a psychiatrist I can trust for a change. :unsure:
 
tiltawhirl

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#11
Look up social security administration. Create an account. Look up and print out your benefits statement.

You will see on the 2nd page that it lists you as "ongoing payments".

Then take a deep breath and talk to your therapist about your fears. If need be write it all down & print it out.
 
claude

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#12
Thinking of you iwomh. Sounds like good advice from tiltawhirl. Therapy takes time to work, they will know that, I would think that starting therapy would not mean you are seen as ready to work straight away. You do not sound ready for work. Try to take it easy and take one step at a time. Be kind to yourself, go easy
 
I

IWILLOBTAINMENTALHEALTH

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#15
I don't wanna live if there's no GOD what's the point? We are all alone in this cruel sickened depraved world! :cry2::panic:
 
claude

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#16
I hope you will be ok iwomh?? You sound so distressed and I have felt like this before too. I found faith and then lost it. It is so incredibly hard.
The world is cruel you are right, but there is also beauty and love in it. Can you live for your sister? And seek out little things that make you happy, give you pleasure etc to enrich your life.
I hope you are ok
 
J

JCPraha

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#17
They always try to get people off SSI. Even people who really need it. I surely is a very difficult situation, to say the least.

Hopefully, they will give you a break. I guess you can't ever let on that you are feeling any better, or they will try to cut you off.
 
I

IWILLOBTAINMENTALHEALTH

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#18
I hope you will be ok iwomh?? You sound so distressed and I have felt like this before too. I found faith and then lost it. It is so incredibly hard.
The world is cruel you are right, but there is also beauty and love in it. Can you live for your sister? And seek out little things that make you happy, give you pleasure etc to enrich your life.
I hope you are ok
You're right. I need to live for my sister and also my Dad. I may never have GOD in my life again. :( Thank you for caring about me Claude. :hug:
 
I

IWILLOBTAINMENTALHEALTH

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#19
They always try to get people off SSI. Even people who really need it. I surely is a very difficult situation, to say the least.

Hopefully, they will give you a break. I guess you can't ever let on that you are feeling any better, or they will try to cut you off.
Yeah I'm not better either. I am worse. So I am at least honest. Are you on S.S.I. too? How much improvement in too much improvement before they cut you off from it? I heard it could be a little or it takes a lot of improvement so I'm confused? :scratch::confused:
 

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