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Very confused

D

dreamy64

Member
Joined
Oct 31, 2009
Messages
5
Hello
I am new to the forum. It has taken a long time for me to come here.

I am very confused but don't know if the question I have I am allowed to ask in a forum but I will ask and if I am not allowed to ask, then that is fine.

I was in hospital a few years ago and was diagnosed as having schizophrenia. They then changed their minds and said it was PTSD, then said it was a severe psychotic breakdown. I have suffered with severe depression since.

When I was taken to hospital before, I was being given instructions by my dad who was dead. They said this was not right and that it couldn't be real but it was real. It was very real. They diagnosed schizophrenia based on amongst other things, the instructions I was given by my dad. This has confused me so much and I didnt know where to ask for guidance on this. I have always thought that any voice or voices were from people that you don't know or can it be someone that you do know? Sorry if I am not allowed to ask but I need to know.

I have been through an extremely traumatic couple of years but switched myself off to everything and just kept going. Now though things are not going good. I was referred to a psychiatrist by my GP who talked to me about my life, thats as far as we got first visit. I didn't get the change to tell him what is going on now and stuff like that

I have to go back and see him but I am afraid.

Some of the same things that happened before are starting to happen again and I don't want to tell him.
 
S

schizolanza

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Sep 22, 2008
Messages
3,160
Hi there.Welcome to the forum.:welcome:
You should really tell your psychiatrist what is going on.
Are you on any medication?
 
D

dreamy64

Member
Joined
Oct 31, 2009
Messages
5
Hello Olanza

I was taken off meds but was on several for quite a long time.

I am afraid to tell my new psychiatrist what is going on.

I honestly don't know if it could be just the stress of much of what has been happening has got to me or if it is the start of something more again.

The things that are starting to happen again are not all the time as they were before and I can keep myself together so far. The reason I am afraid to tell the psychiatrist is because when I did tell before, things got a lot worse very quickly and I am afriad that that will happen again.

Do you know if voices can be from someone you know or are they, as I was always led to believe, from an 'unknown' source?
 
J

just.me

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 30, 2009
Messages
59
Please be brave and tell him, you have to, if you want to get better, and being able to live a normal life you have to tell the shrink everything, no body is in a better position than they are to be able to guide you thru your troubles and get u thru to the other side.
 
D

dreamy64

Member
Joined
Oct 31, 2009
Messages
5
Deep inside I know you are right and I think that I know myself that I have to tell him.

I don't know though how I can tell him that I was able to sit and talk to him on the first visit and keep totally in control but if I tell him then I am terrified that things will get out of control very quickly because thats how it all happened before

Also I still dont really know what they labled me as. So many labels and cross labels were given.

I know I am terrified that I will have to go to hospital again. I feel that I am in a really dark place with no way out.

Please dont think I am a sympathy seeker that is one thing I am not, I am just someone who is afraid
 
J

just.me

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 30, 2009
Messages
59
I think anybody with a mental health issue deserves sympathy, it is not like we brought it on ourselves, it just happens.

Not like we put our hand in a pan of boiling water and scalded ourselves.

We never asked for this illness, we don't want it.

Write down how you feel, put it into words.

Then give it to him.

That way you may be able to stay in control of your emotions, whenever I talk about how I feel at my lowest point, I cry, I get frustrated because I want to control those feelings, that sadness.

Losing control is nothing to be ashamed of, feelings do have to be vented, we do have to get it out, otherwise it will fester inside us and make us worse.

Talking eases the pain of the low moments.

This place has been a blessing for me today.

A total blessing.
 
A

antipsionic

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 31, 2009
Messages
155
Dreamy, first know one thinks you are a sympathy seeker, just that you are someone seeking help from others with similar problems.

You really need to talk to the Doc, its the only way you'll get any help or intervention.

I went without help for years and as a result I ended up flat out crazy and its taken me a long time to recover.
 
D

dreamy64

Member
Joined
Oct 31, 2009
Messages
5
I think another thing that is putting me off telling him what I am thinking and what is going on is that I was referred a couple of years ago to a psychiatrist were I used to live. I was living in anti social hell and it was affecting me really badly. The psychiatrist came to my home and spoke to me. She sent me a letter saying that she found no evidence of any mental illness and that my reaction was normal for someone forced to live in anti social hell.

I keep fighting and pushing myself until I was able to move but when I came here to my new home, I was harassed for a solid year by my neighbour. I did tell my new psychiatrist about the harassment and the fact that I would not give in and took legal action against him which I won. I told him too that the Council ASB Team tampered with the evidence found on their recording equipment on 2 occasions which can be proved. I also told him that the ASB Team officer went into court and testified on the side of the man who was harassing me and lied his way through is testimony which can also be proved. I told him that I am trying to form an official complaint about the ASB Team. I told him everything can be proved because all too often they think that its just in your head and you are just paranoid which is not the case with the neighbour.

My new psychiatrist told me I am a strong person who doesn't give in when someone has wronged me.

He has no idea how I am feeling or what is going on inside.

I was so worried that he would either put me into hospital or else tell me that my reaction is normal from what I have been through and dismiss me on the spot.

I don't know what I am trying to tell you it's all so confusing
 
J

just.me

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 30, 2009
Messages
59
You need to tell the psychiatrist more about your feelings, how you feel, what you feel and when.

You are strong, but that is because you believe in what is right, and how you should be allowed to live.

However, what you are not telling the shrink is how it makes you feel to deal with it.

Seeing a shrink is about discussing feelings/emotions, this situation makes me feel like this, this does this etc.,

Without you formulating that either into words or written text, they cannot correctly assess you.
 
D

dreamy64

Member
Joined
Oct 31, 2009
Messages
5
Well he said he wanted to see me in a couple of weeks. He said he was going to contact the hospital I was in before to see what they had said, done, and what meds I was on etc.

I had never thought on writing what I feel. I think that is a good idea.

He will want me to talk to him though even if he does read it and I just can't talk to him about these things.

I am scared that I am looking into this too much and perhaps thinking that I am getting ill again when in fact I am just suffering major stress which is a big difference. I guess I don't want to make a fool out of myself but I do know what is going on inside, well I don't knwo what is going on inside and that's the point.
 
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