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Very Angry With Myself

prairiechick

prairiechick

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I was having a perfectly good day yesterday, and enjoyed my uni classes last night, but for some reason when I got home I was craving a binge, and I went nuts on ice cream, a massive chocolate bar, and a big bag of Doritos. Why, why, why did I do that? And now today I haven't gone out and exercised at all because I got an email notification from my hydro bill saying they hadn't received my last payment, which I sent in the mail over a week ago, and they were threatening to cut off my service. So I spent a bunch of time dealing with that, and now I am having a hard time motivating myself to go out for a walk to burn off some of what I ate last night. I am very angry with myself, and very stressed.
 
FuzzyPeach

FuzzyPeach

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This was bound to happen as you have gone on such a strict diet of restriction that is not sustainable not matter how much willpower you have. You either could accept that this is going to happen at times, and maybe allow it to happen on a Saturday for example, or abandon this diet for something more realistic like changing one meal a day rather than what you consume for the whole day.

I'm sure you feel really fed up about this. :hug1:
 
L

lovagemuffin

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hi prariechick I can stay silent no longer you need to seek help for your eating disorder, I don't know what to say to you about it anymore but your making yourself miserable have you got any help for it?
 
bulbie

bulbie

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You could start even smaller than that - swap out your ingredients for healthier versions. And work your way up from there. I do that where I can. I still have the odd wobble, but that's ok. I also do yoga. Three squids for a yoga app. No need for classes or any special gear. Just me and the floor.
 
prairiechick

prairiechick

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It's still 2 weeks until my therapist is back from holidays. And I'm not sure I am at a stage where I am ready to give this up. I know it's making me miserable, but I still want it because I feel like this is the only way I am going to be able to get down to a healthy weight. Right now, stronger than anything, I feel this need to be perfect, not just with my diet and exercise, but with uni as well.
hi prariechick I can stay silent no longer you need to seek help for your eating disorder, I don't know what to say to you about it anymore but your making yourself miserable have you got any help for it?
 
R

Rose19602

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Hi PC,
I think it's really tough trying to lose weight with the drugs you take. A restrictive diet must feel like the only solution and even then it's hard to stick to and get existing weight off. These drugs seem to give you the munchies and stimulate appetite. It sounds like a vicious circle of restricting your diet, bingeing and beating yourself up.

(BTW. Even seeing the words ice cream, chocolate & Doritos got my saliva running!....I would have to keep them out of the house if I was dieting!)

If it is an eating disorder then the others do have a point about getting some help for it. Could you do that or bring it up with your therapist? Or is it already in hand?
 
prairiechick

prairiechick

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I haven't brought it up with my therapist yet. She is on holidays right now and I won't see her for another 2 weeks yet. And I don't really want to tell her about it because I don't want her to force me to eat in a way that I don't want to eat.
 
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lovagemuffin

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please reach out for the help you need.
 
R

Rose19602

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Fair enough...although it would be difficult for her to "force" you....she can only suggest I suppose.

I've not had an eating disorder (if that's what you have) but I imagine that the therapy is aimed at the issues underpinning the disorder rather than making you eat what you don't want. Doesn't that aspect of ED go on in the specialist clinics?

Maybe if you catch it now before it escalates too much, therapy could make a difference?

Like I said, it's up to you though.

xxx
 
prairiechick

prairiechick

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She could potentially refuse to do the neurotherapy and use that as an ultimatum. As far as ED clinics, I know nothing about them. I've never been to one, and have no idea what kinds of supports there are for people with eating disorders where I live. And I doubt anyone would take me seriously about having an eating disorder because I am so overweight. I wouldn't be seen as needing immediate intervention, even though things are pretty messed up in my head.
Fair enough...although it would be difficult for her to "force" you....she can only suggest I suppose.

I've not had an eating disorder (if that's what you have) but I imagine that the therapy is aimed at the issues underpinning the disorder rather than making you eat what you don't want. Doesn't that aspect of ED go on in the specialist clinics?

Maybe if you catch it now before it escalates too much, therapy could make a difference?

Like I said, it's up to you though.

xxx
 
FuzzyPeach

FuzzyPeach

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It'sa vicious cycle. Excuse me if i'm wrong but i've been following this issue as i find it interest. I did something similar a while back only i stopped eating complelety except for fruit and vegetables.I didn't do it very long but it did affect my blood pressure that i can remember. I saw the GP due to random symptoms. I think there was some factor of wanting care and attention involved as i think you stated it is for you. You want to lose drastic amounts of weight before your neurotherapist returns from her vacation? I have similar feelings. I want to be cared for. I regularly think i will stop eating again so that i can get proper medical support, but i can never do it again now because i have this drive to eat and keep well, some self preservation thing. That time though when i stopped eating, i ended up gorging on sugary drinks and junk food. I went crazy with the food. Your body must get to a point where it is screaming out for what it needs and that takes over. Laymans view this. I don't actually know anyting about ED's/ I thought your issue was more yoyo dieting but the emotional factor involved, maybe that makes it more ED, i don't know. You do need to look after yourself though as you don't want to lose the neurotherapy because of this and you don't want to stuff up your uni place.
 
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Mastiff mom

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Dear prairie chick, no matter what you choose, I care about you and want to see. You happy and healthy. You deserve that. I'm rooting for you and keeping you in mt thoughts. Huge hugs.
 
prairiechick

prairiechick

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Okay, so I realize I had gone too far with my restricting. I was so worried about calories that I wasn't eating my date and sprouted lentil smoothie, which is a good source of protein and iron, and I was getting too scared to eat nuts, so I wasn't eating things like my cashew curry sauce, and it totally backfired on me with the urge to binge. I'm still not going to give up being a raw vegan, but I will make sure I am getting enough protein, and carbs from things like sliced raw yams.
 
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katy2020

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I get the same I'm just a fat whale
 
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