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Venting (anonymously) trigger warning

J

jamraspberry

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When is my rapist ever going to get punished for what he has done to me? I have PTSD. Why do I have to feel big regret when I never wanted this in the first place? I did say no, I even blocked him because of a gut feeling but later unblocked him because I thought I was mean. I did say no, but my no was ignored by this rapist. Why was I unable to see that this rapist was going to mess my life? I feel like a loser, maybe I should have communicated louder about my problem with his rapist ways. I did communicate enough though, I am 100% sure of that, but this rapist ignored me every time, my voice and opinions did not matter. Why do I have to suffer for years ongoing when the rapist is getting away with it?

I'm extremely upset by this. Worst regret of my life, he was a former classmate (not my actual friend, I hated him) who turned into a rapist and targeted me. When you have a former classmate who is a rapist it's confusing, it's like Stockholm Syndrome or Trauma Bonding. That's why it's hard for people to believe me. But I know I am saying the truth.

After years I heard there was a major awful event that happened a few minutes from where I was raped, how horrible!
 
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jamraspberry

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I forgot to add in the title: Trigger warning

Title: Venting (anonymously) Trigger Warning.
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

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Hi,
Added for you.
I'm so sorry you were targeted, I believe you.
Sending you healing and safe hugs.
You are incredibly brave.
 
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bpd2020

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I am so sorry you had to go through this. You are in no way to blame. It is so unfair this has happened to you. I wish I could take away your pain.
 
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jamraspberry

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I am so sorry you had to go through this. You are in no way to blame. It is so unfair this has happened to you. I wish I could take away your pain.
Thank you
 
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jamraspberry

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Best thing for me to do is forget about this hurtful flashback.

I am moving on with my life. I did this venting thread because my relative was insulting me about the rape I went through and it just triggered my hurtful and painful flashbacks. I self harmed yesterday because the trigger was too emotional for me to handle, the shame, people blaming me telling me I made a mistake like it was my fault. Why should I get the blame? The rapist just gets away with things!! It's pathetic.
 
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jamraspberry

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Lies: I was asking for it.

Truth: I was not asking for it. I was sexually coerced and sexually exploited by this rapist former classmate. He was asking for it and he ignored me when I said no. This rapist harassed me for it and tricked me into this.
 
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jamraspberry

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Truth: The rapist was very controlling, he told me to wear only skirts, no trousers. He tried to get me pregnant. He scarred me, even nurses were shocked, I made an excuse to hide what the rapist did to me. The rapist controlled me to take certain medicines.
 
J

jamraspberry

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Truth: I almost had the rapist's baby but I looked everywhere to get emergency contraception, I never told anyone about this, not even the chemist knew I was raped. Few weeks after, things were exposed, some people knew something was wrong and that's when my PTSD started.
 
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bpd2020

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It is so hurtful not to be believed after all you have been through. I am so sorry. You had such a shocking and terrible experience. You are believed here.
 
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jamraspberry

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It is so hurtful not to be believed after all you have been through. I am so sorry. You had such a shocking and terrible experience. You are believed here.
Thank you, every year I get therapy over this. I have been talking to support helplines for years now because of the triggers and flashbacks. This former classmate rapist tried to ruin my life but he doesn't know all my therapy has got me back up and moving forward with my life now.
 
SunnyDaze

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I'm sorry for what you went through @jamraspberry

You said every year you get therapy for this but have you been through trauma therapy? Have you tried getting weekly therapy to work through and process what happened and been given/taught coping skills to deal with it?

I have PTSD too,I went through years of trauma therapy. Of course I still get triggered and have bad thoughts,feelings and memories that come up. But I am doing much better than before therapy.

I have a trauma anniversary coming up soon,I will probably be the one venting.

Hugs
 
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bpd2020

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Thank you, every year I get therapy over this. I have been talking to support helplines for years now because of the triggers and flashbacks. This former classmate rapist tried to ruin my life but he doesn't know all my therapy has got me back up and moving forward with my life now.
I think you are so brave to be getting on with your life. I am glad the therapy helps.
 
J

jamraspberry

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I'm sorry for what you went through @jamraspberry

You said every year you get therapy for this but have you been through trauma therapy?
I have been through general therapy, but I will try my best to get proper trauma therapy.

Have you tried getting weekly therapy to work through and process what happened and been given/taught coping skills to deal with it?
I had weekly therapy from different work counsellors in the past, some gave me coping skills, some just sat and listened to me with no talking or judgement.

I have PTSD too,I went through years of trauma therapy. Of course I still get triggered and have bad thoughts,feelings and memories that come up. But I am doing much better than before therapy.

I have a trauma anniversary coming up soon,I will probably be the one venting.

Hugs
Sorry you have to go through PTSD too SunnyDaze. We can get through this!
 
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