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Venting about what is making me depressed these days.



Mar 7, 2020
Trinidad and Tobago

As I made my introduction post, which I will post link of below, I wrote that I am struggling with a lot of mental illnesses diagnosed by doctors, one being depression.
This one is consuming me everyday. I lost all interest in my hobbies and literally doing anything. If I try to draw and it looks bad or it gets bad criticism, I breakdown and then I shut down. Same with gaming. If I do bad at games, I shut down. My husband isn't really the best with handling my depression and actually gets extremely mad at me when I cry. To add, as I also said on my introduction.... I am unmedicated due to lack of insurance now, but also my husband being against me taking medicine due to what he was taught is his school about how it can ruin your organs. It gets to me because I bottle everything up and then explode and shut down for hours and hours. I feel like I have no one. My family doesn't even respond to my messages much or when they do, they tell me how wonderful they are doing and do not really acknowledge me.
My husband is a great man and I love him. We do have cultural differences as he is from Trinidad and Tobago and I am from the states. Depression is very taboo in his country and they do not really care too much for the mentally ill in Trinidad from what he told me as the majority of homeless people are actually very mentally ill and not receiving care because lack of care. One of the biggest things that is seriously making me contemplate doing something stupid is my parents (my father and my step mom). They are being so HORRIBLE to my husband due to one lame joke he told to my sister and refuse to acknowledge him even though he and his family has really done more for me than they have done. Like this joke was stupid, but not to the point to shun someone who helps their daughter so much.
The joke: My sister asked my husband who was my boyfriend at the time (We were LDR at the moment and speaking through skype) if she could have a minute with me to straighten my hair and he said
"I will, but you must let me see her(my) tits afterwards."
That was the joke. She went and told my father, then everything just blew up. It was stupid. I wasn't underaged either if that is what you'd first assume when seeing that because it would be understandable if I was underaged or something like that. I was 21 and he was 26. I am about to be 25 now. My sister is beyond a troublemaker and even tried to flash my husband while we were all on skype together on different computers and didn't think I could even see it due to playing a game, but I did. All I could think of for her starting this was due to her anger of his rejection because he was really upset when she did that.
While staying in the states with my real mother, my step mother tried every possible thing for me to leave my husband while we were engaged that is unreal. She even had the balls to say that all Trinidadians molest their children and that he will molest my children, which is BEYOND horrible and is quite prejudice to me. She even tried to emotional black mail me by telling my brothers are not allowed to meet him. Remember, this is over a stupid joke. This joke was not racist, prejudice, hateful, nor anything of the sort. To add on, my step mother is a therapist and she is acting like this to me. My husband is a bit insensitive to my depression because I am literally the only person who he has experienced with depression. My husband has even sent apologies to both my father and my step mom so they could get along, but they just blocked him. I get so damn depressed because this man has taken me out of an dysfunctional environment and saved me from myself. I literally was to the extent of taking a route that no one didn't want me to take. I planned everything out and here comes this man who made me want to demolish those plans. I literally was doing absolutely nothing in my life as well and he gave me motivation to do the things that I needed to do.
I literally sit here and shut myself down over this. I love my brothers so much and they will never meet the man I love so much. It makes me beyond depressed. It's to the point where I feel like if they really don't want my husband in their life, it will be very difficult for them to have their grandchildren in their life. They are probably the biggest thing that makes me so depressed right now other than my PTSD.
My mom's side accepts him. The only issue is my dad's side.
What should I do? I really am thinking that if my parents (dad's side) cannot accept my husband and just treat him like human, then would it be best to just not have them be in our children's life because I really don't want my future children seeing them treat him like he does not exist.

(And yes, I know my husband needs to learn more about depression which would be a good reason why for him and my dad's side to contact each other due to them knowing more about my mental health as they were the ones who got me to doctors to get me diagnosed with my issues and when I return to the states, no matter what anyone tells me and when I get insurance, I AM GETTING BACK ON MEDICINE.)
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