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Vent again, feeling down

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transform

Member
Joined
Dec 19, 2014
Messages
5
Sorry to vent, but I just need somewhere to unload my thoughts. I hope someone here has had similar feelings. Maybe it will help me cope.

I think I mentioned last time I was here that I was a bit down and was going to make an effort to do better. I did, but sometimes it feels like I put all this effort in and get nothing. I wanted to make friends, even a single one would be nice. It's not hard to make a new acquaintance but they tend to disappear since they usually talk to you due to proximity and the shared class.

There was someone I've been trying to genuinely get to know better but I'm very poor at reading people in social situations. He seems a bit quiet, very literally. He'll talk but his voice level is so low there are times when I nod my head because I feel bad for having to constantly say "what was that?" or "pardon me?" Unfortunately, I feel as though he doesn't want to hang out. We've never hung out except for coffee after a class. I've never met up with him on weekends or at a time that didn't involve us being together prior because of a class. I feel as though I'm the one who often asks to do things and any time he does he typically bails before it we meet up. I know he's busy but it bothers me.

The worst part is that I truly can't tell if he really does or doesn't like me. My moods have been erratic lately and I know I've been extremely paranoid at times. Although I haven't had many high points or extremely low points I've been frustrated. I seem to go from feeling fine to dropping into negative. I haven't lost the ability to function but I'm miserable.

I feel as though I'm on the edge of a breakdown. This morning my eyes got a little glassy in class. I was so close to having tears on my face and I almost got up and bolted for the door. On Wednesday I decided to just skip a couple lectures. I went home and through 2. Yesterday I was fine for the first half. Then my mood dropped again.

I'm scared because I thought if I was still unhappy at a certain age I'd kill myself. Tomorrow I'll be the age in which I said I would. I'm not happy, I don't want to die right now but I'm afraid once summer hits I'm going to be extremely lonely. I won't be around groups of people anymore and I'm afraid I'll give in.

I'm not going to proof read this right now, so sorry if there's any mistakes.
 
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Meredithmay

Guest
Hi Transform,

I agree with what Nikita has advised. You need never be lonely on here because there is always someone around. You will make new friends so please don't loose hope.

By the way, what are you studying in class?

Hope to hear from you soon.

x Mmay
 
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transform

Member
Joined
Dec 19, 2014
Messages
5
Thanks for the input guys. I appreciate the advice. I'm never really sure what to do to meet people. I've thought about meeting people outside of classes but I get nervous thinking about it. It's easy to converse when the person beside you is taking the same class. When I'm outside of a class I never know what to talk about and I'm terrified there will be an awkward lull in the conversation.

Meredith: I'm currently working towards computer science.

Thanks again.
 
M

Meredithmay

Guest
Hi There Transform,

You will always be in demand work wise in relation to studying computer science which is great.

It sounds to me like you are needing a little confidence booster to enable you to feel comfortable in relationships. Have you ever thought of taking up Counselling? As Nikita mentioned, most colleges/Universities do have Counsellors. Or there may be access to some sort of confidence building classes through voluntary organisations such as MIND and Richmond Fellowship.

I have taken a few sessions when recovering from an episode of depression and they helped a great deal and they also had the added bonus of being able to share with others how I was feeling which reduced the isolation. Just something for you to think about.

Very best wishes, Mm
 
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