
moonperson
Active member
Just a warning, reading this could be upsetting.
I don't want anything good anymore. I don't want to keep trying because I know it is me lying to myself. I will never be any better and this is why, because I don't want to be. I do actually want to be, but the reality is that those wants distract me from the fact that I will never feel like I deserve that happiness. I feel like the world is too big for me. I feel like I'm never enough and I never will be. I try to accept myself and it is impossible. I try so hard to get better and I just keep hitting the same roadblocks and never overcoming them. I hate going places even if I like those places, and I just go because people want me to. I am always reaching with one hand and pushing away with the other. I don't want to be this way because I don't want to disappoint everyone else by being sad and by hating myself and by going nowhere in life. I have passions but I can't make myself go further with them because it hurts so much because I am there. I am part of it and I hate me. I just hate everything about myself. I am so thankful for my opportunity to live, but so sad because I can't seem to take the opportunity. Everything I love feels wrong. And if I were to take the "right" path and be normal and give up everything I love, I wouldn't be able to live it because in my core I don't feel those things. I choose things for my core self and I just hate them because they are now attached to me. I love my friends so much but I never want to talk to them again because I hate that they know me. It hurts to think that people know me. I can't lie to myself. Sorry if this is really depressing, I'm just not doing well. Thank you a lot for reading, I hope this doesn't make anyone upset! It'll be okay
I don't want anything good anymore. I don't want to keep trying because I know it is me lying to myself. I will never be any better and this is why, because I don't want to be. I do actually want to be, but the reality is that those wants distract me from the fact that I will never feel like I deserve that happiness. I feel like the world is too big for me. I feel like I'm never enough and I never will be. I try to accept myself and it is impossible. I try so hard to get better and I just keep hitting the same roadblocks and never overcoming them. I hate going places even if I like those places, and I just go because people want me to. I am always reaching with one hand and pushing away with the other. I don't want to be this way because I don't want to disappoint everyone else by being sad and by hating myself and by going nowhere in life. I have passions but I can't make myself go further with them because it hurts so much because I am there. I am part of it and I hate me. I just hate everything about myself. I am so thankful for my opportunity to live, but so sad because I can't seem to take the opportunity. Everything I love feels wrong. And if I were to take the "right" path and be normal and give up everything I love, I wouldn't be able to live it because in my core I don't feel those things. I choose things for my core self and I just hate them because they are now attached to me. I love my friends so much but I never want to talk to them again because I hate that they know me. It hurts to think that people know me. I can't lie to myself. Sorry if this is really depressing, I'm just not doing well. Thank you a lot for reading, I hope this doesn't make anyone upset! It'll be okay