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Using Psychology to Dispel Delusional Thinking and Unwelcome Voices (auditory hallucinations)?

T

tormentedinnocence

New member
Joined
May 4, 2020
Messages
3
Location
Northern California
Hi there,

I have had a problem with having to hear unwelcome voices from my past in my day to day activities for over a year and a half now. They have been tormenting me and causing me and my quality of life to suffer badly. I have been in a support group called al-anon for six months or so which I feel is somewhat related to helping find a solution, (al-anon is a recovery and self help group for friends and family of alcoholics). I was raised in an alcoholic home and was exposed to my father who ran a small business from home, and I had to hear him scream and holler on the phone practically everyday when I was very young and sensitive to such things. These experiences and the state of fear I grew up in at a very delicate age, for me, makes up a host of traumatic experiences which I think may have something to do with nowadays having to hear auditory hallucinations.

I have refused to accept my diagnoses as a paranoid schizophrenic. Because I do not identify as a paranoid schizophrenic, in other words I don't think I am one. I am very fearful and reluctant to go on medication, but I also want the voices to stop. They have become very distracting, and this past week have discouraged me from going to work.

Having decent health insurance when I first began hearing the voices, I spent about a year seeking help in therapy negotiating and begging my therapists to help me examine any thought patterns or thinking that could be said to be delusional. I cannot help but feel like I got an enormous and elaborate runaround. This did not help my level of stress and anxiety, practically begging and fighting with people to help me to get to the root of my problems, my "delusional" thinking.

I had to be told that I am paranoid schizophrenic and that I suffer from delusional thinking, but then could not receive any help to examine my thinking and eliminate delusions or possible problematic thinking, ideas, or beliefs.

At the end of about a year of my wasted time and money it was finally suggested to me that I should seek the help of a psychologist, conveniently at the time my medical insurance was set to expire, and I could no longer afford to continue the health insurance plan I was on.

Rather then focus on the whole mess of finding a decent therapist willing to roll their sleeves up and be of actual help, I have a question about using psychology to alleviate the symptoms of having to hear voices, and correct any "delusional thoughts or thinking".

Mainly,

"Is psychology something that could possibly help to dispel auditory hallucinations?"

and

"Does anyone know of some good starting points, like books to read about psychology, that could help me to correct my thinking and rid myself of having to hear unwelcome voices?"

I have done some quick searches but there is a lot of information out there and I thought this may be a good place to begin looking and or asking people with similar experiences.

I am admittedly ignorant on the subject of psychology, but I am really starting to feel like it could be a solution to my problem of having to hear voices, and I am also starting to think that psychology could also be the source of the problem. The voices I have been having to hear are coming from very competitive, and in my opinion, very mean people from my past who would without a doubt use "superior psychology" in any or all of their dealings to bully and dominate one another in thought. (As seen in popular television shows like, "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia.")

Honestly, If I had to make an assessment of what I would call "the content"of the voices that I have had to hear over the past year and a half, it would be something along the lines of overcompetative and mean people arrogantly and boastfully preying on me and my thinking.

I have had to hear two types of voices that have really bothered me.

1.) The first kind are what I found out yesterday are called "running commentary" which is when I am alone or maybe out at work in a completely quite setting I have to hear the unwelcome comments or sound effects from familiar sounding and difficult people from my past.

2.) The second kind is when I have been walking past a large group of people, maybe people sitting outside at a outdoor dining area of a restaurant, I will hear the chatter or conversational dialogue or sound of people who I once knew who are not there.

The problem I usually have with the second kind is that I will think it is directed at me, that it doesn't make any sense, and will then spend time thinking about it, breaking it down, and trying to make sense of it.

Some thinking or thoughts that I have had about this whole problem are:

A.) "Oh, well our lives and life itself is often compared to a game or games (like the NFL or a perhaps a video game) and this is just all part of it. This is just people competing with one another in the game of life."

The problem is that even in that imaginative way of thinking about a very unpleasant problem, many of these people who I have been being forced to think about revert to like "stand up comedy" as in thinking they are "stand up comedians" and they get really mean and nasty. As seen on TV.

B.) "This must just be some form or use of social media, or some connection that someone is making about the use of the internet that I don't understand"

C.) "These people that I called friends in high school, didn't really like me, they just played politics and used and abused me, and now as adults they are being ever worse about things. They are bullying me and "strong arming" with how they are choosing to go about things in the information age. They are being very nasty and overcompetative, and excusing awful behavior because they then turn around and say that it is all a laugh."

D.) More simply, "These people are not opposed to using hate to get what they want, to get what they want the quickest way possible, and I am apparently subject to their hate."

E.) "This is some form of craft, or trick that I don't understand. I am being tricked into having to think about these people night and day weather I choose to or not because they are being wicked."

F.) "These people are using superior psychology to get what they want in life, and do not mind behaving in underhanded and hurtful ways so long as they get what they want. They don't care who they hurt, or how badly they hurt them. They are treating life as if they were in the NFL or playing fantasy football (or using its logic in real life) hitting one another as hard as they can, controlling one another, and dominating one another by any means necessary."

G.) "Oh, this is some form of rap culture, content, or logic that I do not take part in, but am having to fall victim to. Superior insults, disses, and the nastiest mentalities out there." (I have had to hear the voices a number of times, coming from a number of people saying the word "beef") A colloquialism which has been being used to justify every type of unpleasantness out there.

H.) "These people are making fun of me, and are wanting and expecting me to live in fear of their laughter or insults."

I.) "People are attempting, playing, or pretending to hack? Or mentally hacking, dominating, or bully me out of things?"

These are just some of the types of things I have been having to think following having to hear unwelcome voices, and some ways in which I have tried to make sense of them or explain them. It has been evil and an invasion of privacy, and arguably one of the worst experiences of my life.

I am sorry that this is such a long winded post, and I am sorry if some of this is very negative. I have a decision to make soon about weather or not to go on medication to make the voice just go away, (which I really do not want to have to do because it is like me giving in to a problem I don't think is real).

Or I have to try and figure out how to manage living with the problem until I can figure out a way to better use my mind and my thinking to no longer let perceived hate dominate my life.

Thank you for your patience in reading this, any helpful and thoughtful responses will be greatly appreciated.
 
K

karl7

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 9, 2013
Messages
488
i used to think i could get over thsi illness of hearing voices (sz) without meds.....it basicallly took me 12 yrs to learn that i need ed meds.....i thought i could do it without them but that was untrue......im now medicated and am feeling much better.....my advice to you is to not rule out meds, they can help
 
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