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Urges breeding urges

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balancekeeper

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Jan 23, 2015
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Accrington, UK
Im sorry for posting this, i need to ask for some help.

I self harm because it makes me feel better, nothing else ive found helps like self harm does. but everytime i do it, afterwards i feel like i need to do it more, deeper and the urge just gets stronger as i go.

I know this has probabliy been asked before, but can anyone help? Anyone give something that will ease this urge?
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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Aug 17, 2012
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Don't say sorry for posting - it's good that you've reached out.

I can relate to your situation somewhat, because this is how I was a few years ago.
Eventually I did it so bad that I frightened myself and that's what made me stop.

The thing is, I do think that it does take willpower to get through the more difficult times.
Also, getting a better understanding of why you do it and the effect it has can enable you to find ways of coping better.

For me, I always found my adrenaline rush (which was ultimately what I was seeking) came as soon as i'd made the decision to self-harm - before i'd even done anything.
So for me, in a way I was lucky in that I got a sense of calm before hurting myself which then made it easier for me not to go through with it because I didn't need to.
Do you find it's the same with you?
It might not be, but it's just a thought.
 
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balancekeeper

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Jan 23, 2015
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Accrington, UK
Thanks for replying.

Unfortunately i dont get a rush before i self harm, only after. What really scares me sometimes though, definately more recently is that i have had a close call because of it once, and it hasnt made me stop, afew nights ago i got another close one then today i felt the urge to do it again...
... Maybe im too broken to be fixed, my mind seems determined to make me do it and more so recently. Every time i do it, the urge comes stronger to do it again. Ive tried to fight it but its just made me rush through with it, risking going too deep for a third time. I dont know what to do anymore.
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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I don't think you're too broken to be fixed. :hug1:

So what's your reason for it?
Sounds silly, but as I said, I think the more you can understand about your self-harming the easier it can become to work through it.

Say for instance it's for grounding - you can seek other grounding techniques..
If it's for an escape - find other ways of taking your imagination elsewhere, like meditation.
If it's self-hate - choose activities that nurture you or read up on self-esteem to love yourself more.
If it's a punishment - practice self-compassion or do some creative journalling to process your feelings instead. Etc. Etc.
 
B

balancekeeper

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Jan 23, 2015
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Location
Accrington, UK
Thats the thing, Im not entirly sure.

When i Self harm i get Relief, like all my problems fade away for a few moments. Then theres the scars that are there to remind me that i felt something. The feeling it gives me is almost like im normal, happy. Almost. it doesnt last long, afterwards thats when the urge gets stronger once ive done it once in the day, it always comes back. I need to do it, dont know if any of this is making sense, but its my way to not feeling dead inside, feel like there is hope...
 
M

mooncat

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Jan 7, 2015
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354
Hello sorry your struggling i no that feeling and also have sh bad.We cant go into details so its quiet hard to help sometimes.
I guess ild be allowed to say (i hope) that you could go too far one day like i did and because of that i get judged alot more as it cant be hidden.I was pre warned by my cpn at the time that there will be reprocutions doing something like that.And she was right.A certain percentage of people now every now and then look at me in disgust.Like im a thug.
I pick up worms on the pavement and put them back on mud.I pick up litter every time i walk the woods.Im not a thug...
But now get judged because of my sh that cant be hidden.
Now i get dirty looks every now and then of people.
Try and find a safe place.Could be outside or indoors.mine in doors is my bed.Its warm and feels safe for me.Some peoples its the woods others libarys or shops.If you manage to find a safe place to go when it all gets too much for you it can really help calm things down.
Just be carefull and stay as safe as you can.Or you could go to far and not get the help needed in time or injure yourself so bad that it creates yet another thing getting you even more down.
Mooncat..xx
 
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B

balancekeeper

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Jan 23, 2015
Messages
51
Location
Accrington, UK
Thank you for the comments. they have give me something to think on.
 
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