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Urgent help, please

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treecol

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Mar 29, 2015
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4
Hello, I hope this is the right place to post my enquiry. My friends & I need urgent help with a girlfriend of ours. I've come into the scenario much later than my other 2 friends, but the lady in question has been struggling for 8+ years & we don't know what to do for her.
She was involved with a group of friends 8 years ago & a man was apparently interested in a relationship with her, but instead of finding out about her 1st hand, he asked her friends everything about her. Nothing ever happened between them but I suspect she has been hoping it would & for the last 8 years she's been getting more & more paranoid to the extent where she's convinced he's influencing people she works with, people in the town she lives in, people in her doctors surgery etc etc. I don't think he is, he's not been around for years, so I'm fairly certain that although for her it's very real, it isn't actually happening.
A friend of hers took her own life 6 months ago & since then this lady has nose dived. She feels an internal rage, wants to end her life & cries hysterically down the phone to us. We all live 6 hours from her. She manages to work, lives with her mother & brother whom she supports, everything is hard for her.
I rushed up with my husband this week, driving up overnight as she was threatening suicide. We took her to her GP but she wouldn't say much to him. I managed to tell him she was rather paranoid, but she got cross so I kept quiet as I don't want to lose her trust. He prescribed her anti-depressants. She told him she'd thought about suicide.
Now she says she won't take the meds as she doesn't trust what the GP says & that this man (no where to be seen) will use her depression against her. What can we do? Everything we suggest she refuses. She is isolated, no friends near her. How do we help her? Your advice is really welcome, please.
 
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treecol

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Mar 29, 2015
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4
Thank you Nikita. We have a lot of unanswered questions about the circumstances & it's hard to know what is real. I don't know how she hides it from her family & work colleagues. I was going to try to tell her doctor on Monday but am fearful as she is a teacher - if she's just attention seeking (I don't want to belittle her condition) then I don't want to jeopardise her career. Is it ok to confront someone so ill & tell them they are imagining all this? She behaves like MI5 are watching her every move - except MI5 is this man & his helpers. But when we offered to confront him & tell her Mum about things, she backed off & refused to let us.
 
Cazcat

Cazcat

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Sep 12, 2013
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Hi treecol,

From my experience of supporting my partner through psychosis I would say that if her beliefs are deep set, and it sounds likethey are, confronting her will not change what she believes. I would contine to express to her that you don't think that these things are happening, but in a non confrontational manner. Try to direct your conversations to things that are happening in the present time to bring her thoughts back to reality. I can remember trying to tell a crisis team nurse how paraniid my partner was on one occasion and he got really angry wuth me and threw me out of the consultation room.

I would suggest phoning her GP and discussing your concerns with them so that they have the full picture. It will be a 1 way conversation as they won't be able to reveal any confidential information to you , but at least they will have the full picture. Anything you tell the GP is in confidence so won't affect her career, the GP will be able to make their own assessments, unless they belive that she is a danger to herself or others they will not be able to act, but at least they have the information to make this decision.

It might also be worth discussing your concerns with her Mum as she is in a better position to monitor the situation than you are. He may be angry with you initially but in the long run hopefully she will realise that you are doing this out of love.
 
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treecol

New member
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Mar 29, 2015
Messages
4
Thanks both, helpful comments. I've had a chat with 1 of the other girls about her tonight & we feel the 3rd girl who has known her since college, is best suited to call the GP & contact her mother. She will do that this week.
I had endless texts from the lady in question tonight. All going round in circles about what he via other people were doing to her but nothing specific.
So I told her she should go to the police & a superior at work. She started to back up a bit & say there's no proof. I persisted & she said she didn't know where he is. So I gently suggested he may have moved on & be married with kids somewhere. So she said "Maybe, onwards & upwards". So I think when pushed, she tends to make excuses as to why this cannot be resolved & stopped. We'll definitely let the GP know & at least he can make a decision based on information from an old friend. We'll also hopefully have some info from her mum.
I will come back & let you know what happens as it's good for anyone in a similar situation.
Funnily enough, I now know 3 women who claim to be being manipulated, told they are going insane or persecuted by either loved ones or those they know. But in each case, it's the women sadly who have unaddressed issues.
 
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treecol

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Joined
Mar 29, 2015
Messages
4
I most certainly will keep you all posted, so kind of you to take the time to offer advice.
I had a look online - I know you have to be careful as self diagnosis is dangerous but she seems to have symptoms of delusional disorder, with erotomaniac type & persecutory type. So thinking he is in love with her & people at work, in her village, work, doctors etc are all under his influence trying to find out about her & influence what she does in her life.
So she definitely needs help, but I read that sufferers can carry out a normal life without being found out & that they cling to the delusions, not wanting help or to get better. They also become secretive when pushed & questioned about it - exactly as she does. The time to step in is if they are a danger to themselves & others & she's has said she'll end it all - I have to take her seriously. She's also said she may do things she will get in trouble for &as she's a teacher I feel we must act fast. So a girls meeting tomorrow & then her oldest friend will phone her GP & go from there.
Thanks again, will update as soon as I have news. I pray, after reading this forum tonight, everyone here can know good health both mental & physical.
 
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