Upset with families response

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wheezey

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#1
When I was 19 I tried to end my life. I went into my Mum's room and told her what I had done. She shouted at me and took me to the hospital. My younger sister was there and cried and later went to the hospital to comfort my mum. Both ignored me and did not say anything to me at all. For a week after my Mum barely spoke to me and the incident was never mentioned again.

I now realise this was not a kind response and it hurts. My mum has always ignored me and been very cold towards me hence me ending up with several mental illnesses. I am struggling with the fact she did not care I could have died.
 
Cazcat

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#2
Sometimes when we are scared we can react in an angry way. I Wonder if your Mum shouting at you was because she was scared by what you had done. If she didn't care she wouldn't have taken you to the hospital. (My husband's mother witnessed him attempt suicide and then sent him away with instructions not to bother her with his problems, if I'd not called the police to search for him he might not have survived) I don't think that your Mum has handled this well but it sounds like maybe she didn't know how to handle it rather than a total lack of caring about you. My husband's mother loves him, she just doesn't cope with his mental illness at all well and handles it badly. When I am feeling charitable I remind myself that she had no experience of being supported by her parents either to draw on when her own children needed support.
 
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wheezey

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#3
Thank you for your reply. Due to other reasons I know my mum does not care about me but I appreciate your point of view. I first attempted to end my life at 12 which she ignored.
 
Cazcat

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I'm sorry to hear that. It sounds very similar to my husband's situation where help was never sought for his teenage suicide attempts and they were not discussed with him by his family. Do you have any other support in real life?
 
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wheezey

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#5
Thank you for being so kind to me. I am lucky enough to have a wonderful boyfriend. I am sorry your husband had to go through that too. It is very hard to deal with.
 
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spiritfriend

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#6
I'm very sorry. I was told by my parents that I should lie about my suicide attempt in order to avoid getting put into a 'crazy house'. However, my parents have shown that they care about my mental health. But still it's confusing.

When it comes to your mother, I'm so sorry about all of that. She should think about you more. I guess it's normal for her to feel anger because she's afraid of losing you, but ignoring you isn't right. I don't know if she will agree with this, but family therapy could be an option. In the end, know that there's nothing wrong with you and that this isn't your fault. You can't control your mental illness and you're not a bad person. Good luck. :goodluck:
 
blacksmoke

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#7
Hey wheezey you certainly got your mum’s attention! I imagine she was deeply shocked and may have asked herself some deep and searching questions as to where she has gone wrong with you.

Its too painful for you all to mention it again – that is the reality of it. They just don’t know what to do to help you. I was in a similar situation. I felt so isolated and if nothing else I realised that the family were not able to help me and so I looked outside the family for help.

hope things improve for you
 
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Stressed Out Girl

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#8
I have tried to end it a couple of times in the past, at the time if it wasn't for a friend I wouldn't have survived. My parents have no clue that I had happened.
Unfortunately my partner has severe mental health problems and has tried countless times to end it. When he does my fight or flight kicks in and I do everything I can to stop it. It's something that stay with you. I will never forget my partner turning blue and passing out. He does everything he can to keep me at arm's length when he's trying to end it. It's a hard situation and people react in different ways. My parents never knew and when they found that I was self harming they weren't very helpful and it's that experience and how much I love my partner that makes me go to hell and back to keep him here and alive. X
 
Cazcat

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#9
I have tried to end it a couple of times in the past, at the time if it wasn't for a friend I wouldn't have survived. My parents have no clue that I had happened.
Unfortunately my partner has severe mental health problems and has tried countless times to end it. When he does my fight or flight kicks in and I do everything I can to stop it. It's something that stay with you. I will never forget my partner turning blue and passing out. He does everything he can to keep me at arm's length when he's trying to end it. It's a hard situation and people react in different ways. My parents never knew and when they found that I was self harming they weren't very helpful and it's that experience and how much I love my partner that makes me go to hell and back to keep him here and alive. X
Hi, I support my husband who also has serious mental health problems and multiple suicide attempts. It can be incredibly difficult. There are a few things that I have learned over the last few years:

1. When you support someone else the most important thing that you can do for them is to put your own health first, because if you go under then you can't support them. It's like on a plane you put your own oxygen on first before helping others.

2. I can support my husband to the best of my abilities, but I can't prevent him attempting suicide and if he succeeds it will not be my fault.

Just a couple of things for you to consider. Also what real life support do you both have? Are there any carer support groups local to you. I am finding this very helpful although it took me a long time to accept that I am a carer.
 
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Stressed Out Girl

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#10
Hi,
I'm my partners 24/7 carer, have been for the last 5 years. His family aren't very supportive and neither are mine, we've tried local groups and a local hospital but things haven't been very easy.
I'm constantly scared that it will be my fault of he hurts himself or commits suicide and I can't save him! It keeps me up at night.
 
Cazcat

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#11
Hi,
I'm my partners 24/7 carer, have been for the last 5 years. His family aren't very supportive and neither are mine, we've tried local groups and a local hospital but things haven't been very easy.
I'm constantly scared that it will be my fault of he hurts himself or commits suicide and I can't save him! It keeps me up at night.
No we don't have family support either. We are lucky to have lot of professional support though, which has been essential. It took us years of suicide attempts and a major psychotic crisis for us to get any professional support though. What is your partners diagnosis and does he have any mental health professionals involved?

The way I see it I support my husband with both his physical and mental health problems but I have no more control over suicide than I do over a heart attack. Realising that has been a major reduction of my stress levels.

I am concerned that you say you are his 24/7 carer. I can understand the concept of always having that awareness in your mind and always being on the end of the phone. But if you mean that you are with him 24/7 then it concerns me for your own mental health and for your relationship. I've been there. What do you do that's for you?

I would also suggest contacting social services for a carers assessment of your own needs to see what support is available for you.

Feel free to PM me for more support if you think it would help.
 
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Stressed Out Girl

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#12
The doctors are looking into whether he has schizoeffective disorder, it's so hard to deal with. I'm with him all the time no matter what, it's been a struggle but we try to see the good in things. I have problems with my mental health but it's alot better controlled now.
I worry about leaving him because of how suicidal he can be and it can happen in a click of a finger. He does try really hard to support my mental health and be there for me but I end up feeling guilty about laying my issues on him :/
I've just had a carers assessment yesterday and hopefully things can start to improve :)
 
Cazcat

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#13
The doctors are looking into whether he has schizoeffective disorder, it's so hard to deal with. I'm with him all the time no matter what, it's been a struggle but we try to see the good in things. I have problems with my mental health but it's alot better controlled now.
I worry about leaving him because of how suicidal he can be and it can happen in a click of a finger. He does try really hard to support my mental health and be there for me but I end up feeling guilty about laying my issues on him :/
I've just had a carers assessment yesterday and hopefully things can start to improve :)
Schizoaffective is one the diagnoses my husband's psychiatrist is considering along with schizophrenia and substance related psychosis, so I really understand how hard it can be. I work full time so he has always had to manage that time apart from when he's really poorly and I take time off work. Hopefully you will both get some more support soon, it's so important for you to have time for you too. I have been scared to ask my husband for support when I am struggling in the past but his mental health team have worked with us to realise how important it is for the support to work both ways and I have realised that he is able to support me even when he is not 100% well. Our relationship feels much more equal for it too. We are both unwell at the moment and doing our best to support each other.
 
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