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FrightenedbyEverything

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 30, 2019
Messages
53
Location
England
Hi there. Some of you may remember me as the guy who kept posting those depressing messages about myself. Well, here I am to give you an update on my mental health for those that care. To start with, I'm slowly, gradually coming to terms with what caused me to join this forum in the first place and I can only hope I get better from here. At the same time, sadly old memories and scenarios are being dug up. I think my main fear was and always has been no being a sick monster but having been one or, at the very least, having done something in my past to put me on a sex offenders registry, such as this chilling scenario that's been running through my head of potentially and accidentally getting off to someone below my age group thinking they were in it when I was 15 or 16, that sort of thing. I know that the human brain has measures to prevent that, but every time these thoughts come up, it becomes harder and harder to ignore them, like I'M the one who's lying. I dunno who I am these days, I can only hope therefore that I'm capable of recovery somehow and that I'm not lying to myself. I'm scared of being a repressed monster and of losing everything. My job prospects, my family's love, the friendships I've made over the years....It's hell.

Tell me honestly, has this ever happened to anyone here? Anyone at all feel as if they're just lying to themselves and that the OCD is just the truth coming back to bite them? :sorry:
 
megirl

megirl

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2010
Messages
7,203
Location
NZ
To be honest I dont think you're a bad person at all. You know what its like to suffer and no one deserves that.
Life does suck for some of us. If you were really a bad person you wouldn't even be asking for help, and because you want to be helped that shows a huge strength of character
 
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FrightenedbyEverything

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 30, 2019
Messages
53
Location
England
To be honest I dont think you're a bad person at all. You know what its like to suffer and no one deserves that.
Life does suck for some of us. If you were really a bad person you wouldn't even be asking for help, and because you want to be helped that shows a huge strength of character
I think in this case it's the idea I did something wrong and never knew it till later. I'd like to believe it's not real, but my brain clearly hates me.
 
megirl

megirl

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2010
Messages
7,203
Location
NZ
You really don't or shouldn't hate yourself there's no reason too,
Its great you're here with the forum see you around x
 
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FrightenedbyEverything

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 30, 2019
Messages
53
Location
England
You really don't or shouldn't hate yourself there's no reason too,
Its great you're here with the forum see you around x
Thanks. It's a constant battle not to let my thoughts and (hopefully) false memories sink in. I've won several times, but now...I'm not so sure.
 
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FrightenedbyEverything

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 30, 2019
Messages
53
Location
England
Right now, I'm fighting. Pray for me. In the meantime, I'm gonna try and rest. But all the same, It's gonna be hard. to anyone who wants to talk to me about my story or my symptoms, message me here or start a convo. In the end, I know I'm not a pedo, but I fear that I'm a sex offender. this I now understand even though there's little difference.
 
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