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Up and down my moods seem like there controlled with the weather sad

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martingal90

Member
Joined
Apr 16, 2015
Messages
5
hey i would like to ask some advice i go up and down alot usually it follows a particular cycle during the winter i get really depressed and hibernate i mean i get really low to the point where i cant get out of bed i slept for 26 hours waking up now and then and just not having the will to drag myself out of bed when im like this i feel extremely stressed out by the slightest thing anything makes me feel like i want to break down and cry the sound of someones voice the phone ringing tv in the background i cant stand it

i hate the world and everthing in it i just want to roll over and die

but in the spring through summer its happens less often and not as guaranteed as the depression in the winter but its like i get really hyper out of control its like am really speeded up im full of life and am a ton of energy i get full of plans and new ideas start lots of new projects my sex drive goes through the roof im like a dog on heat i just want to go out meet new people party and have a great time i barley sleep stay up for days at a time i feel like im connected to everything i see the beauty in everything and everyone i could cry with joy at just how beautiful the world truly is and just how amazing it really is wow its wonderful it truly is

that dosent sound to bad but sometimes i get really crazy when im hyper i recently have lost a 5 year relationship because of my last two episodes although it was the depression that really sunk the nail in the coffin

so last episode i was really hyper felt on top of the world like i was capable of anything watched this tv show about drugs and i thought you know i could do that i could be the next pablo escubar i sat and vigourly researched and planned went out socialings making connections starting selling drugs then i thought i would be a good idea to full my house full of cannabis plants i was going to be so rich my partner was going nuts as you could imagine i was out all the time i turned the house into drug storage warehouse my head was racing i thought if i had everysingle drug there was i could stock up and have my own pharmacy and everyone would come to me because i had it all in one place i genuinely believed i was destined for success i was going to become rich i got involved with some serious gangsters also one of these new friends i had made a hitman was paid to kill him lol what the fuck is wrong me how did i end up involved in that shit wtf lmao safe to say i walked away when i came to my senses

anyway after a high i always get depressed i couldnt believe what i had done genuinely was questioning myself why i was doing this this wasnt what i wanted for my life i wanted to be on the other side a cop not a criminal before i got hyper i was planning on joining the police i wanted to do some good in world a really dont know why i did what i did it seemed like a good idea at the time so i gave up on my life of crime and starting hibernating sleeping for days at a time just not got the energy or the will to get out of bed not washing brushing my teeth or anything wearing the same clothes for weeks i just couldnt function i just wanted to die i had no energy no motivation nothing it all just seemed so pointless shame shit different day any my partner finally had enough and kicked me out i dont blame her

does this sound like sad seasonal affective disorder ?
 
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Helena1

Well-known member
Staff Member on Leave
Joined
Oct 11, 2014
Messages
10,575
Location
UK
not really imo. you should go see your doc.
 
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martingal90

Member
Joined
Apr 16, 2015
Messages
5
i did he told me my life was a disaster and to get a grip then referred me to community mental health team which i have an appointment i plan on attending but im quite worried they will just say the same thing your life is a disaster take some responsibility and i get that i understand my life is in the gutter right now and i need to take control

and there are periods of stability in my life the last one lasted 18 months without any episodes i had a really good job my own place a familyi was at the gym basically every night eating healthy you name it i was the perfect citizen i was living the dream but then i got really hyper decided on becoming a drug kingpin and living a life of crime then came down was totally disgusted at myself at my behavior got depressed quit my job couldnt get out of bed for days at time smelled really badly my anxiety was through the roof i just didnt want to leave the house see anyone or talk to anyone i wanted to hide away from the world

my partner just couldnt cope anymore she couldnt deal with it she said it was like living with someone with a split personalilty every so often i change i begged her to give me another go after i had sorted my life out and got back on my feet but in the five years we were together see witnessed 4 episodes 2 hyper 2 depressed and she said to me that she couldnt do it again that i was fine just now but eventually i will change again and she cant live like that she broke my heart :(

i get that i fucked up my life is a disaster i do need to get a grip i usually do get it together for awhile then i go crazy again and fuck everything up

i guess what i am asking is do you really think i need mental health team or do i just need to man up and get my act together
 
katya

katya

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 4, 2013
Messages
2,052
Location
England
Your doctor's priority is to improve your health; I do not see how telling you that your life has been a disaster is going to help you achieve better mental health. I'm quite outraged for you that your doctor said that to you. I'd find a new doctor if you can, one who's a bit more understanding and can better guide you on your road to recovery.

I think you should speak to a mental health team; there's no reason why you have to do this all alone. You could get your act together, but you'd struggle to keep it together because you need more strategies to deal with how you're feeling - that's where the mental health team's guidance should come in.

Don't feel like a twat for finding help.
 
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