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Unwanted thoughts during sex



New member
Jan 15, 2015
I've had OCD since I was 8. I'm 22 now and it has gotten really bad in a very bad way.

I've been with my boyfriend for a while now and we are both very much in love with eachother. He asked me when we first started dating if I had any history with one of his friends and I said no I just think he's cute. That started a whole argument. Us having that argument put it in my head that thinking anything about this "friend" was bad. We had a very healthy sex life. Sex almost everyday and I started having thoughts about that "friend" during sex. They were unwanted never on purpose and anyone with OCD knows exactly what I am talking about. My boyfriend asked me one time if I thought about anyone during sex and me not being able to lie to him because of my OCD and the guilt I said yes and I explained that it's just my OCD and it's not on purpose and the thoughts upset me and make me uncomfortable and not turned on

We have been having trouble connecting ever since then and he is trying to understand because he loves me but it makes him feel bad because he doesn't understand why my mind is anywhere but on him during sex. We haven't been having sex because he is afraid of me having thoughts or
Flashes. Now I'm
Scared to even have sex because I know avoiding it is making my OCD worse because I'm worried about having them and I know if we have sex he's going to ask me if I had any thoughts and I am going to have to say yes.

I don't know what to do. Has anyone gone through something like this? I am losing the love of my life and I can't get him to understand that it's not me thinking this way. It's my OCD. And I know if we can just keep having sex and him not ask me about it afterwards will make the thoughts go away because I won't be worried about it.
Please help.


Nov 1, 2014
Welcome to the forum natco15.

I am sorry you're going through this; do you know much about your condition that you could open up to him more about? For instance, does your partner know how long you've had it for?

Perhaps reaffirming your feelings for him will help to build a deeper trust? is it worth asking him again to not mention it afterwards because of it pushing the both of you further away?


Jan 14, 2015
Hi Nat, that's a tricky situation! I think your boyfriend is maybe a bit hurt as he loves you so much and is a little insecure that you are loosing interest. I know that isn't the case, it's just easy for guys to feel that way (& probably women if the roles were reversed). Hopefully you have a strong relationship with your boyfriend and you can talk things through and get through it. It's a shame you can't lie because that would have made things much easier, after all, I think all of us have the odd thought about other people during sex, although I think 99% wouldn't admit this to a partner. Anyway, I hope things get better soon and don't feel bad, you haven't done anything wrong, if anything you have been honest.