Unsure

[topsyturvy]

Hi there.

I wonder if any of you nice people on here could help me.

I'm 22 year old woman.

For as long as I could remember I have been plagued with the extremist of mood swings. I've never understood it, and I have always been looked down upon for it. Naturally, people think it's controllable, and it is not.

I have these intense highs, when everything is fantastic and I am the dogs bo****ks. I am the life of the party, and as long as no one does anything to annoy me, everything goes swimmingly. On occasions when people have annoyed me, such as a time when a friend made a harmless joke at my expense (least I thought it was), I knee'ed him in the balls and walked off. Everything stimulates me. I can go for days without sleeping, because there are much more interesting things to do. I'll spend money like its water, and make plans without regard for work or finance. For instance, I booked a trip to Japan when I had no money to speak of, under the pretence that 'I'd find the money', even though I didn't have a full-time job at the time. I'm still paying that little splurge off. Usually, it more decrete, like I will go into boots for a packet of wipes and leave with £50 worth of make up. This would be fine, but I really don't have the cash to sustain such a lifestyle. However, these are the good times! This side of me has earnt me a reputation for being a bit 'mad'. And although I often look back thinking 'why did I say/do that?', I would much rather be like this than the alternative.

The alternative is that I become incredibly depressed. I have no energy whatsoever. These periods generally follow a high, and can go on for weeks. I really have no confidence at all. I feel bad for inflicting myself on others, as I just feel like a bore and a burden. I am incapable of making even the most simplest of decisions, and I feel incredibly unhappy for no apparent reason apart from my lack of self worth. I frequently consider whether it would make my life and those around me easier, if I were just to end it all. I often don't go out during these periods, and when I do, I can't wait to get back to the confinds of my bedroom.

I have been seeing a counsellor for 6 months and she mainly focused on the depression, which really bothered me. I tried to make clear that I am not always depressed, but she would simply bring back the focus to the depression and my somewhat bad childhood. I have now been referred to a physiotherapist. I have yet to see them, but the assessment I had with a social worker left me uneasy. He yet again, focused entirely on the depression and the fact that I was bullied a lot as a child, which for me has little to do with it. Yes, it may have impacted my self-esteem, but for me, that was a very long time ago, and no longer reflects who I am now.

As you can imagine, I don't want to be diagnosed with a some sort of mental disorder, but I wish, regardless of my age, that the doctors would listen to me and understand that the low points aren't the only problem points in my life.

Please can you give me your opinion of what I have told you, and any experiences you have had. Or a way I can convey to the psychotherapist that they are overlooking parts of what I am telling them.

Thanks in advance, and sorry for the essay of a post

 

[laulipop]

hey
I know exactly where you are coming from with this. I am 24 and am just going through the diagnosis process.
I have found the people on here to be extremely supportive and welcoming and I hope that you have the same experience.

If you want to chat, then just message me

 

[Colin76]

Hi Topsyturvy,

Raeding through your post it sounds like you may have a form of bipolar. Now this is important - no one hear can make a diagnosis for you from what you have wrote. I would strongly suggest you make an appointment to see your g.p as soon as you can while keeping a diary of your moods and also print of your post to show your g.p when you go.

Good luck and take care.

Colin.

 

[topsyturvy]

Thank you to both of you. I understand that no one here can give me a prognosis. I am just finding the mental health system to be difficult. I understand that I might have underlying issues that I am not aware of that the mental health professionals might be able to address, and I don't wish to label myself as bipolar but I do feel that they are ignoring some of what I am telling them, and from what I can make from their comments, it seems to be because of my age and my background.

I've now finished filling in a form about my life for the doctors to read, and I am sending that off. I think it was probably one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, as I am so used to putting on a facade. I actually had to write in the third person, using a different name (which I edited afterwards) as I found it impossible to write the painful truth from my own perspective.

 

[Colin76]

Hi Topsyturvy,

I understand what you are saying about how difficult it can be to write down certain things, i had to go back through my life and family history which was hard but well done for managing to do so. I fyou feel the doctors are not listening to you the next time you go raise this issue with someone.

 

[shelly]

hiya,

Hi I can totally relate you sound just where im at, im just waiting to be diagnosed. Take care

Hi there.

I wonder if any of you nice people on here could help me.

I'm 22 year old woman.

For as long as I could remember I have been plagued with the extremist of mood swings. I've never understood it, and I have always been looked down upon for it. Naturally, people think it's controllable, and it is not.

I have these intense highs, when everything is fantastic and I am the dogs bo****ks. I am the life of the party, and as long as no one does anything to annoy me, everything goes swimmingly. On occasions when people have annoyed me, such as a time when a friend made a harmless joke at my expense (least I thought it was), I knee'ed him in the balls and walked off. Everything stimulates me. I can go for days without sleeping, because there are much more interesting things to do. I'll spend money like its water, and make plans without regard for work or finance. For instance, I booked a trip to Japan when I had no money to speak of, under the pretence that 'I'd find the money', even though I didn't have a full-time job at the time. I'm still paying that little splurge off. Usually, it more decrete, like I will go into boots for a packet of wipes and leave with £50 worth of make up. This would be fine, but I really don't have the cash to sustain such a lifestyle. However, these are the good times! This side of me has earnt me a reputation for being a bit 'mad'. And although I often look back thinking 'why did I say/do that?', I would much rather be like this than the alternative.

The alternative is that I become incredibly depressed. I have no energy whatsoever. These periods generally follow a high, and can go on for weeks. I really have no confidence at all. I feel bad for inflicting myself on others, as I just feel like a bore and a burden. I am incapable of making even the most simplest of decisions, and I feel incredibly unhappy for no apparent reason apart from my lack of self worth. I frequently consider whether it would make my life and those around me easier, if I were just to end it all. I often don't go out during these periods, and when I do, I can't wait to get back to the confinds of my bedroom.

I have been seeing a counsellor for 6 months and she mainly focused on the depression, which really bothered me. I tried to make clear that I am not always depressed, but she would simply bring back the focus to the depression and my somewhat bad childhood. I have now been referred to a physiotherapist. I have yet to see them, but the assessment I had with a social worker left me uneasy. He yet again, focused entirely on the depression and the fact that I was bullied a lot as a child, which for me has little to do with it. Yes, it may have impacted my self-esteem, but for me, that was a very long time ago, and no longer reflects who I am now.

As you can imagine, I don't want to be diagnosed with a some sort of mental disorder, but I wish, regardless of my age, that the doctors would listen to me and understand that the low points aren't the only problem points in my life.

Please can you give me your opinion of what I have told you, and any experiences you have had. Or a way I can convey to the psychotherapist that they are overlooking parts of what I am telling them.

Thanks in advance, and sorry for the essay of a post