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Peonyflower123

New member
Joined
May 23, 2020
Messages
2
Location
United Kingdom
Hi,

I’m not sure if this is the right place and I know people on this site can’t diagnose but am just looking to see what other people think. Basically, the diagnostic characteristics for BPD are similar to what I’ve experienced in myself.

Since being a teenager I’ve felt that I’m different to other people. The characteristics I think I have are:
1)Intense relationships- I often put a lot of importance on people and get upset when they leave or suddenly turn against them if they disagree with me
2)Risky behaviours- in the past I’ve had periods of binge eating, drug taking and overspending
3)Self harm and suicidal thoughts
4)Intense mood swings- can go from suicidally depressed to planning how I will become a millionaire in the space of an hour
5)Don’t have a strong sense of self- my career goals and life plans change often
6)Feel empty often- I think this is when my control issues start to come in and make me want to lose weight or self harm and after that everything goes downhill even if I stop losing weight my mood just plummets.

Because I usually have a bad period for a few months and then manage to pull myself back together often people don’t think I have a problem- my friends think I am dramatic and over emotional (I haven’t spoken to them about my thoughts about bpd but just what they say in terms of my behaviour).

I have a tendency to get better and pull myself together for other people and just push down any problems I have but then over time the smallest thing can happen and it just sends me into a spiral and I end up self harming and suicidal. I often have small blips (at least once a month) where I get very anxious and don’t eat but then tell myself to get on with it and am “fine” again.

I’ve been signed off work and the OH doctor said I was “vulnerable” in the report and temporarily unfit for work but my GP said I had low mood and prescribed Citalopram. I feel like this is not the full issue and I need to have some kind of therapy to try and resolve these issues and leave them behind. I am capable of pushing everything down and moving forward but I know that next time I get stressed I will fall back harder. My intrusive thoughts at the moment as well as the self harm are much worse than they’ve been before and I can barely leave the house or do housework.

My parents got divorced when I was 7 and I lived with my mum and sister until I was 18 when my mum died of cancer. I wouldn’t say that the divorce was traumatic but I know that people with bpd often have had a traumatic thing in their childhood so I don’t know whether the past events could be linked.

I may just be being dramatic and just be having a period of low mood, but this pattern of behaviours feels like something more complex. I also know if I say to the doctor I feel I may have something like bpd he will not take me seriously so I just wanted to see what other people thought.
 
LittleMissNameless

LittleMissNameless

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 2, 2019
Messages
380
Location
canada
Cant diagnose but I can relate to all of that. Talk to a mental health professional about it. But I always warn people don't get stuck to a diagnosis yourself because you can possibly be wrong and bpd is a crap diagnosis to get. It's been used by people who dont understand to mean "just someone who's difficult" so talk to someone and don't be set on a self diagnosis there can be alot of other things going on.

Mental health professionals don't like to take on bpd patients it's like a black mark against you before you even start
 
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