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Unsure what to do



Well-known member
Mar 17, 2020
Hi! This might be a long post so thanks in advance to those who will read it.

I'm in my mid-20's and living with my grandmother for the past 8 months or so, but we are really struggling to get along. I have a job but don't earn much and I chose to move in with her because I can save money on rent, the location is closer to my office and to my parent's house, etc, so many advantages. However, very early on the tension began to built and now it's all the time. The problem, as my grandma puts it, is the "atmosphere" in the house. She says I'm too distant, too quiet, that I don't show her enough affection. It's true, I don't feel close to her, but I respect her and help around the house, I talk to her, only not enough apparently...For example, she was angry at the fact that I would close the door to my room because according to her I was isolating myself, so now I keep it open. She would also get upset if when walking from my room to the kitchen I would not stop to talk to her. I sometimes do, but she still feels I don't pay attention to her. We would get into silly arguments and I would tell myself I need to move out; I wonder if I could improve my relationship with my grandma or it's a lost battle.

I literally made written goals about communicating with her: sharing everyday at least one story from work, talking more, it sounds so silly. The irony is that she is even more isolated than me, because she never leaves the house (only if it's a medical emergency) by her own will, I don't know why, she has been like that for years. She is almost always unhappy and angry at other people. I understand she is old and having medical issues, maybe I would be like that too in her place, but it's draining me.

If I were to move out she will know for sure it's because I don't want to live with her anymore despite all the other reasons I might present, it would be so obvious and the relationship might deteriorate even more. :( But I don't know if I can keep it up for long. It might seem like not a big deal, we don't really fight, but I feel she is constantly disappointed in me...


May 25, 2020
It sounds like your grandmother has quite high expectations of you. You are really in a difficult situation. You are trying to live your life and please her at the same time. I can quite understand why you are considering moving out. You are so kind to consider her feelings first. It sounds like it is very difficult for you to stay so moving out may be your only option. If you move out you can still visit her and the visits can be more focused on her and spending quality time together.
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