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Unsure if it’s depression but it’s not going away

P

PaigeTWoods

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 6, 2019
Messages
66
Hi all,

I am really just writing this to write it as I am sick saying the same thing to my friends and family all the time.

I am really really struggling guys. I really am. I’m trying to hold my life together but it’s so hard.

I had a breakdown 3 years ago which resulted in panic disorder and eventually depression. I have been on medication ever since but I have never felt ok.

I have been so exhausted ever since which made sense at the time because I had insomnia for 2 years. But the pat year I have been sleeping well but feeling more exhausted than ever.

this is crippling me to the point where I feel this is it for me. I can’t keep going like this, it will never get better, no one knows what’s wrong with me. I don’t think it’s depression anymore I think there is something physically wrong with me.
Regardless the doctors can’t do anything for me and everyone is fed up with me. I don’t want to live like this. I used to be so bubbly, full of life, hard working and now I’m a shell of that person, I don’t even know who she is anymore.

Anyway thanks to whoever read this. I just needed to get it out into the ether
 
J

Jamstar

New member
Joined
Apr 27, 2021
Messages
1
Location
Uk
Hi paige. Im here to chat if you ever feel like it. Its sometimes good to have others to talk to rather than just your family and friends all the time.
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
20,508
Location
Nowhere
hi Paige

I hope that made things a little easier for you to write it out
im interested to see if things get better for you


:hug:
 
F

FairyBelle

New member
Joined
May 14, 2021
Messages
4
Location
London
Hi all,

I am really just writing this to write it as I am sick saying the same thing to my friends and family all the time.

I am really really struggling guys. I really am. I’m trying to hold my life together but it’s so hard.

I had a breakdown 3 years ago which resulted in panic disorder and eventually depression. I have been on medication ever since but I have never felt ok.

I have been so exhausted ever since which made sense at the time because I had insomnia for 2 years. But the pat year I have been sleeping well but feeling more exhausted than ever.

this is crippling me to the point where I feel this is it for me. I can’t keep going like this, it will never get better, no one knows what’s wrong with me. I don’t think it’s depression anymore I think there is something physically wrong with me.
Regardless the doctors can’t do anything for me and everyone is fed up with me. I don’t want to live like this. I used to be so bubbly, full of life, hard working and now I’m a shell of that person, I don’t even know who she is anymore.

Anyway thanks to whoever read this. I just needed to get it out into the ether
Hi Paige
Sorry to hear you are struggling at the moment. I understand how hard it can be and how tired the depression can make you. I also understand about not wanting to talk to family and friends all the time. Sometimes it helps to talk to people outside the situation and definitely to talk to others going through the same thing. As much as your family can love and support you they might not be able to help or understand. Things can definitely get better for you, whether its through therapy, medication, diet or exercise there are things you can do to help. I've suffered through most of my teenage and adult life but there is a light at the end of the tunnel and you really can get better. If you ever need someone to talk to message anytime. Its OK to not be ok its ok to need people and need help. You're not alone in how you feel and where you're at but it is only temporary :)
 
F

FairyBelle

New member
Joined
May 14, 2021
Messages
4
Location
London
Also think writing is a great source of self therapy. Whether its a diary, poetry or stories it helps to get the feelings out. Stay strong lovely sending hugs and sunshine.
 
Hardknocks88

Hardknocks88

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 26, 2020
Messages
462
Location
Modesto, CA
if the depression is pretty constant then it must be depression.
 
E

EclipticNight

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 27, 2020
Messages
541
Location
Orleans vermont.
Hi all,

I am really just writing this to write it as I am sick saying the same thing to my friends and family all the time.

I am really really struggling guys. I really am. I’m trying to hold my life together but it’s so hard.

I had a breakdown 3 years ago which resulted in panic disorder and eventually depression. I have been on medication ever since but I have never felt ok.

I have been so exhausted ever since which made sense at the time because I had insomnia for 2 years. But the pat year I have been sleeping well but feeling more exhausted than ever.

this is crippling me to the point where I feel this is it for me. I can’t keep going like this, it will never get better, no one knows what’s wrong with me. I don’t think it’s depression anymore I think there is something physically wrong with me.
Regardless the doctors can’t do anything for me and everyone is fed up with me. I don’t want to live like this. I used to be so bubbly, full of life, hard working and now I’m a shell of that person, I don’t even know who she is anymore.

Anyway thanks to whoever read this. I just needed to get it out into the ether
I think one thing those of us with depression all have in common is that the self we were that we loved being is gone. Before my mental illnesses set in I was a super polite little boy interested in always being the hero and wanting the whole world to heal. All that's left of that is my gender.

Two possible roads are before you. Meds and therapy can bring out the person you were and suppress what you have become, or failing that you will need to learn to accept the new you. It all depends on your body and how it reacts to meds and just how bad the breakdown was. No matter what happens your in good company here.
 
Hardknocks88

Hardknocks88

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 26, 2020
Messages
462
Location
Modesto, CA
I wanted to add some more to my reply. In 2007-2008, that was the worst hardest to deal with time in my life. At 18 I had a psychotic breakthourgh or a psychotic break. My mom when she was alive said the lots of people with mental health issues get a psychotic break thourgh at 18. I was right on the dot or on target. This time at 18 in 2007 (just graduating high school), I knew my identity straight out of high school (Hop Hop Nation homie). But this was a very dark time for me. I did not understand mental illness almost at all, I really had no sense of purpose or belonging to any group of people (well maybe the hip hop nation but that did not make me feel complete enough), so this caused me emotional nihilism, lack of spirituality or being in touch with God, which made me feel really incomplete , my soul inwardly sick and purposeless. Most of all, I was a partying hedonist, just having a good time and neither going to work or to school. I found that when i really got back into spirituality later on (God and spirituality made me feel really complete and happy), I found some hobbies i really loved (so i was part of a certain group(s) of people, so that solved that problem, i found a sense of purpose and meaning, no more emotional nihilism) and finally later on i decided to volunteer for local community based businesses wherever i went, that gave me a job , accountibility and something to do for myself and for other people, my psyche issues were a lot easier to fight and deal with. Mental illness is still my biggest battle in my life on this earth with spiritual warfare, along with the food addiction and a spending problem i have that came from the hard times i had in 2007-2008. Yep. life is a battle. Sometimes i have such a hard time that i wish the lord would take me by his own will , but he still has me here for a reason, so i have to stand strong.
 
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